MUCUS - 39 WEEKS, 1 DAY

Went to see the midwife today and discussed through my options. I've decided against going for a vaginal breech delivery if his feet are first as too many risky factors, one being the cord, and the other being previous section. If he is bum first however I may think about it.

If I have a c-section this time then if we were to have another she said she is pretty certain that I would struggle to find someone who would let me try for a vaginal birth. That is a long way off, if ever but has to be considered.

BP, urine, measurements, baby's heart rate etc were all fine but I'm sure from the look on her face that she isn't sure where the baby is lying. Thank God for scans!

If the scan on Thursday shows no cord around the neck I may ask if they can do an ECV but I might just not bother and resign myself to a section. To be honest, this evening I've been packing my bags and getting everything ready like I am having one anyway and that is what I have been picturing in my head.

Still have so much to get ready but it isn't urgent. I want to make sure I have some clothes ready for Rob to bring in for me to come home in, need to wrap present to boys from Nugget, need to make packed lunches for Thursday and make sure I remember to take out Ellis' car seat so Sharon can take him to his swimming lesson. I also need to remember to take the pre op medication and not to eat or drink after either! I'm sure that is going to slip my mind.

This afternoon I went to Mum and Dad's house for a bit of TLC. Leo is quite hard to look after while there but he wasn't too bad today. He sat munching in the high chair quite a lot and enjoys playing on the ipad which is cute to watch. Ellis didn't stay asleep in the car but remained in front of the TV or ipad and was really good.

I'm still feeling really full of cold and I can't clear my sinuses. Coughing is an issue too. If I try to stop it it makes it worse but if I just cough then that is bad enough. I really hope that one more day of recovering will help it to go as I'm really worried about blowing out stitches by coughing!

Been treating my pile with no success and it hurts like hell. Going to be the least of my worries in a couple of days though.

I was sat next to Ellis this afternoon and I had a few period type pains and I went to the loo to find a bit of a show. So I've lost some of my mucus plug today, nice! Then for the rest of the afternoon I couldn't stop going for a wee! I went loads, very strange as I only had 2 cups of tea and a pint of water all afternoon.

I had a bath this evening, shaved again, sorted out the washing, put some clothes away, put some more stuff in my hospital bag which I still think isn't finished but will have to do, and I was going to do loads more but I'm in bed now.

Nugget really wiggles about at this time of night. Going to be a nocturnal baby I think. With is feet kicking my bladder and lower though I worry that he might rupture the membranes and we would then have to rush in for an emergency c-section and I doubt Rob would make it back in time which would be really sad.

Shattered now, going to try and get some sleep and hopefully nothing will start during the night as I have lots to get organised tomorrow.

CONFUSED - 39 WEEKS

My brain is so frazzled right now that I don't even have the energy to blog. I will try though.

Still feeling really rough, blocked up nose, tight chest, hard to breathe sometimes, headache, cough etc. Not nice and I just want it gone.

Thursday is quickly approaching and I still haven't made my mind up about what I want to do. I wish I could see into all the different futures.

I could wait to go into labour and to see if the contractions help to turn baby, or I could wait to go into labour before the c-section so at least I know baby is ready and we both get some good hormones for milk supply etc. I could have a vaginal breech birth which after looking into it a bit isn't that uncommon, or I could just go in on Thursday and have poor baby whipped out of his warm little home into a theatre room filled with bright lights and people doing stuff to him. The only plus I can see to this is getting my diastases sorted out, but is it really worth it?

I'm seeing the midwife tomorrow so will try and ask her some questions but I have to take the boys with me so I doubt I'll pick much up.

I did the pelvic tilt thing today for about 30 minutes I had my bum resting up on a mound of pillows and then for the rest of the day the baby has been really active. I think maybe one of his feet has shifted out of my pelvis as I can feel kicks again down on my right side. He has just generally been moving a lot more and I've had a few Braxton Hicks today. Not been feeling all that good really. I've been staying active though, walking Ellis to school and going to Sainsbury's which actually ended up being quite a struggle.

This nasty cold has made me blow my nose quite hard and all the coughing has hurt my tummy and my bum! I have a bad pile now and I've been treating it loads but it hasn't helped. A real pain in the arse, pun intended!

What is the right decision!? I have no gut instinct or feeling about any of it. All I know is that I'm scared of c-section and vaginal delivery now. I'm not prepared for either.

Hopefully speaking to Judith tomorrow and then someone on Thursday will help. It seems so far away though but also very close. I need help, but no one can help me. No one can tell me what the right thing to do is.

Everyone keeps saying that it will all be fine and will work out one way or the other. I so hope it does but that doesn't stop me doing my head in about it all. I have tried. I have tried to just pick one option and be okay with it but 2 seconds later I change my mind!

Can't believe how active Nugget is today. He hasn't moved around just pushes out and makes bump all pointy and hard. I pretty much decided over the last 2 days though that this will be my last baby, unless we have an accident of course.

I wish Rob was home. He is with his mates though having a little farewell party, but he can't drink just in case, which is rubbish for him.

Been really struggling with acid indigestion too. Last night I slept sitting up but it was still quite bad and I had to go to the toilet twice during the night and Ellis was awake 3 times. I'm not sure what is causing it. He says it is the heater/boiler or his radiator but I don't believe that is it.

Been trying to just chill out with the boys. Chatting to them, lots of cuddles that sort of thing. It's the only thing I can do really as I can't play fight etc. It is really nice time with them though and I'm trying hard to cherish it. Ellis is growing up so fast and Leo is really starting to make progress with communicating to all of us. I'm really worried about how I will split my time once number 3 is here. Again, I'm sure it will work out just fine!

I have done 39 week bump pictures but they are on the PC and I'm on the laptop so will have to post them tomorrow or something.

Even my blog post is all over the place!

So tired and need sleep but just can't sleep. One way or the other it will all be over soon and the recovery process and looking after a larger family can commence. Not long and all this will be a distant memory.

SICKY BAD - 38 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

I'm ill. I'm feeling very sorry for myself and very worried about going through major surgery feeling like this. My head and ears are pounding, nose is blocked and I keep coughing. I can only imagine the pain I will feel when I cough with stitches running across my belly.

I'm trying to spend my days bonding with baby. Picturing his little face, hands, feet etc and thinking of a name for him. I haven't come up with any yet. I just want to get him here safe and well. I'm a bit worried about his feet and hips but nothing I can do about that yet. Hips will be scanned like Ellis' were and the feet are still moving so hopefully they haven't been squished.

Bump is still wriggling but not moving as such, and never really has done.

Rob is ill too but he is doing his best to look after us all. It must be hard going to be working so far away and then to come home feeling rough and wanting to chill when you have other sick people and hectic kids to contend with. Ellis is really on one today!

Stacey had her baby boy yesterday. He is a little cutie at 5lb 12oz. They named him Leo Charles.

Very teary at the moment but that's because I'm feeling so rough and I HATE being ill, especially when there is stuff that needs to be done and a huge event coming up like having a baby to look after! It's not just the new baby either, I need to make sure my boys are all okay with it too. Need to make a list of final stuff that needs to be done. I want to sort my hospital bags out again as I don't need them set up for going through labour and to just check I'm happy with everything really.

I'm just really worried and scared about everything at the moment. Don't feel like I'm coping too well. Just need some positive thoughts to snap out of it.

WATSU - 36 WEEKS, 6 DAYS

Been feeling a little better the last 2 days or so. I'm not great about the situation I find myself in but I'm coming to terms with it a bit more. I'm really not looking forward to the experience of the ECV and hopefully, fingers crossed I won't have to go through it.

Been trying to get baby to turn by being on all 4s, sitting and bouncing on my birthing ball but this makes my feet really puffy, and visualising and telling him to get his head down! It might work, you never know.

The only good thing about the baby being in this position is that he isn't putting any pressure on my pelvis which is great. I do get sciatic pain still and it makes my left leg give way suddenly with some shooting pain but I can deal with that much better than constant burning and stinging of my pelvis whenever I move.

The kicks to the bladder and bum area are a constant reminder from the little bugger that he still hasn't turned. I keep getting my hopes up every now and then when I feel a bit different but so far he is still staying in exactly the same place. He has been like it for 10 weeks now so I suppose he must be comfortable.

Booked into the spa with Mum. Going to have a Watsu. I think you basically float about while being gently moved around by a therapist. It's costing an arm and a leg for it but I can't wait! Hopefully all the relaxing will get baby round.

Time is ticking away. Only 9 days until ECV, 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and baby will be here very soon. I think my thoughts are so consumed with how he is going to get here that I haven't been thinking about the after bit yet. It's making me tired just typing about it.

In need of sleep, healthy food and drink, and some alone time. Too busy for that though.

ECV BOOKED - 36 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

It's the day after the day after and I'm going to try and blog about all the recent happenings. Not sure if I will finish it tonight as I'm hanging even though it is only 8pm.

So anyway on Tuesday I had an appointment at the hospital to see a registrar to discuss my options of birth. I knew I just wanted to have the most active and natural birth that was possible for me within their hospital policies. Just before I left for the appointment I had a chat with Judith (my midwife) who was taking the breastfeeding antenatal class and she said that they would scan me that day if they weren't sure what way up the baby was.

I picked Mum up and went to the hospital. When we arrived we were told there was a delay to see the doctor and the waiting room was full up. I said I really needed to pee so if I needed to do a wee sample, could I do it now please. To start with she said, "just go to the loo now and have a drink after" but I said I'll just do it now. She eventually looked into it and a midwife came out to take me down to do the wee sample. She also took my blood pressure and weighed me. While she was doing all this I was just chatting away but happened to mention that I wanted a scan to see how the baby was lying. First thing she said was "you wouldn't need to know if you're having a c-section". Of course I soon put her straight and said that I thought it was a waste of time me talking through my options if they were actually limited anyway. She said she couldn't authorise the scan and that the registrar would palpate me and get me scanned if they weren't sure. I was okay with that but still said it could save time to do it first.

On my way back to the waiting room I overheard her talking to someone else about my case and 2 minutes after sitting down I was called in for a scan as I was told the doctor wouldn't have time to palpate me because they were so far behind.

Just before the wand was put on my belly the sonographer asked what position I thought he was in and when she looked she said I was dead right. The placenta is at the very top of bump, his head is up on my left side, back running across the top with bum down on the right and legs and hands are right down in my pelvis area. She did some measurements and estimated his current weight at 5lbs 13oz, checked the fluid level which was good and we had a look at the cord. She said there was lots of cord and that it wasn't around his neck, all of which are good signs for trying to turn the little bugger around. Here is a picture of what position he is in, pretty much anyway, including where the placenta is.

I went back to the waiting room, called Rob, then had a long wait to see the doctor. Time passed quite quickly but I was in a right mood. Pissed off, scared, annoyed, nervous, worried etc etc. We were called in by a young female doctor who immediately started off by saying about getting me booked in for a section. Hold up, wait a minute! I explained what had happened with the scan and that I was very keen to try an ECV. She asked why I didn't want a section and said they wouldn't be keen to do an ECV on someone who had had a previous section. I said I know that but would they please do it. She said she would have to speak to her boss about it and so she left the room.

She returned not long after with her boss in tow who was the man we had seen at the beginning of the pregnancy that said I should have my blood pressure taken every 2 weeks, from 20 weeks of pregnancy! Anyway, he started on about the risks and that they wouldn't want to do it and that he wouldn't do one and neither would Mr McCloud who was the main dude and the man I had seen for treatment after having Leo. That did scare me a bit but he said he would ring around and try and find someone but that it might not be at that hospital. I was fine with that. The risks are that my scar will be stretched and torn open causing me to bleed out. You also have the usual risks of the placenta coming away from the wall and fetal distress. Basically if any of that happens I would be taken straight into surgery and he would be taken out.

So he went out and came back in saying that he had found someone, a Dr S Grant who would do the ECV in 2 weeks time as he was on holiday the following week. Most ECVs need to be done in week 37 and I'll be in week 38 but I can't complain really. So I'm booked in to have it done on 1st March. I have to call the delivery suite in the morning between 8 and 9am and they will tell me what time to come in. I'm not allowed anything to eat from 6am and I should be having it done around 12pm but that all depends on how busy they are. If successful I have to stay on delivery suite for 3 hours before I can go home. If unsuccessful then I will be booked in for a c-section for the following week and if there are any problems then I will be having a baby there and then! I have to take all my stuff with me but leave it in the car. My blue V pillow is coming in with me though.

I left feeling rather flustered obviously and not sure what I was doing. Mum was a bit unsure about my decision too but all I could think of was that I didn't want a c-section so any alternative, I will take. So the decision was made for me and thankfully because I seemed to be well informed according to the 2 doctors they were happy to discuss it all with me. I think if I didn't know anything they would have just booked me in and that would be that. I was asked why I was so against having a c-section by the doctors and friends and it's not that I'm against them as such and that I want to have this au natural birthing experience, it's a case of I have 2, then 3 children to look after, I need to drive, if I have any more children it would automatically mean a c-section, it's major abdominal surgery which comes with risks, I didn't recover well from my previous section, and if I could have a normal birth I would prefer it.

Obviously it has really done my head in. I'm so confused and worried about whether or not I'm doing the right thing, should I just cave in and book in for a section, should I just try the ECV anyway as I've fought for it and tons more thoughts. I'm really not looking forward to the actual experience of having the ECV done but if it works out how great would that be. I'm just really struggling with being positive, being in the now, having a whatever attitude, all the things that I have preached to friends. I've had so many people say to me that as long as baby is alright that's all that matters, what will be will be, and that it wouldn't be that bad having a section and of course I know this but that doesn't change the way I feel right now. I know it could be worse and I feel so stupid sometimes that I'm moaning on about it when I have friends that have lost babies, would do anything to get and stay pregnant and here I am fussing about how it's coming out.

My thoughts have been taken over with the position of this baby and ECV. If it is successful I will quickly have to turn my head back around and start thinking about preparing myself for labour and birth. If not then I have to come to terms with how it will end up. It's the not knowing and waiting that is driving me crazy. I know 2/4 weeks isn't that long but it certainly feels like it at the moment.

I'll try and do another post in a few days with how I'm feeling then but for now I'm feeling pretty down. I need to snap out of it I know and be positive, happy and excited but it just isn't happening at the moment. Thank you to all my friends who have been trying to keep my chin up. I'm a tough cookie and will be fine I'm sure.

BONDING - 35 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

Piles are a pain in the arse! I've suffered with them for a long time but since having Leo they have been quite bad and since being pregnant again, they are really bad. I've been using the cream and stuff but it isn't making any difference. Not too uncomfortable though so that's good.

Been feeling a lot better recently, physically. Emotionally I'm all over the place. One minute I'm so positive, happy and excited, the next I'm shit scared, miserable, stressed etc. I'm pretty sure it is normal to be like this and Rob is coping quite well with all the ups and downs.

One concern that I have at the moment is bonding with the new baby. With Ellis it took me around 3 months before I felt like I was close to my baby. There were a lot of things that played a part in this. I was a first time Mummy, I hadn't seen him leave my body and I didn't have the birth I expected, recovery for me was slow, his feeding didn't go well to start with and he lost weight and I just generally struggled I think so it was a job to get through each day. Leo on the other hand was completely different. I felt like I started bonding with him while he was in my tummy. I would talk to him, sing to him, read to him, call him him, would love feeling and watching his movements and then as soon as I pulled him up on to my chest I just felt it. Not really sure what "it" is but it wasn't foreign, it was warm and close. Feeding Leo was easy and not painful and my recovery was better, not great but a lot better, plus I knew how to do all the necessary things like changing a nappy so I could spend more time giving him love, cuddles and other attention. Sounds really bad that maybe I didn't do that with Ellis to start with but I'm sure I did, I just don't really remember it. I just remember working very, very hard.

So I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say or how to put it at least, but I just know that I am worried that I won't feel the same. Have to wait and see I suppose and to try not to put too much pressure on myself. It's going to be tough going I know that much but I just want to enjoy it all if possible.

Swelling is increasing nicely. Last night I sat on my ball on my PC and I must have been sat in one position for too long because as soon as I moved I realised that my feet were stinging. I showed Rob and he said I just had legs that went straight down to my feet. I had no ankles and my feet were massive. Rob could put a thumb sized dent in them which would last for a while. Not nice, not attractive. I sat with them raised after a quick rub from Rob and had some water but it didn't help that much so I ended up going to bed. I'll try and get a picture. I've realised that I haven't really posted pictures on this blog that much. I will try and rectify that, even if it is just random bump pictures or something.

I've really started to feel this pregnancy and I'm struggling more at this stage then I did with the first 2 pregnancies. I think I'm a bit older now, my body has been through a lot since 2006 and I have 2 kiddies to look after without Rob around as much. It's bound to take its toll but I keep going. Rob thanked me this evening for soldiering on and that he appreciated how hard I was working. That's always nice to hear.

Been really busy today. I tried to have a lie in but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get comfy, the sun was shining in, the boys downstairs were really loud, the bloke outside was cleaning our car and Rob came in a few times. Admittedly on one occasion he brought me up a cuppa and a bowl of cereal which I really needed.

I eventually got up and started my hospital bag. It's 90% there now which is great. It isn't in a bag but it is all together on the side so just needs to be scooped up. A lot of the stuff that isn't in can't be packed yet because I use it, like the cameras, my hair brush, dressing gown etc. I don't have slippers yet so need to purchase some of those and I really need a different t-shirt to go with my new pyjama bottoms.

I also need to start work on my wish list (birth plan) so that I can complete all my notes and I want to make sure I have a TENS machine on Tuesday, so better e-mail Vivien about that.

Can't believe how close it is! Not as close as Naomi as she gave birth to a little boy, Harri, on Friday. He was 5lb 5oz and I believe they are still in hospital for now. I would think they would stay a few days to make sure he is eating well and putting on weight seeing as he is so early.

I don't know any details and I can't wait to catch up with her properly. I'm so happy for her that everything turned out well, but a little bit jealous that she has been through it, out the other side and now has her baby and can just move on. Does that make sense? I'm still a ticking bomb and she has her body back, without the extra 4/6 weeks of weight gain too! Shouldn't rush these things though and I know it is safer for baby to be inside for a while longer yet.

Hopefully be able to get a little bit of cleaning done tomorrow. The dust in this house is amazing! I know I don't clean enough but it's like I said to Rob today, once I've finished tidying so that I can clean, I'm too tired or the boys need attention and I can't do it! Will try at least to run the vacuum around the upstairs tomorrow. Want to clean the bathroom too. Shattered just thinking about it.

Okay, I'm off to try and get some sleep, not an easy task mind you but I'll give it a good go.

HORRENDOUS - 35 WEEKS, 2 DAYS

Last Tuesday, 1st February I was just 34 weeks pregnant I attended my first antenatal class and Naomi came to pick me up. I had started to have some back pain that morning which felt more like sciatic nerve pain then anything else and my pelvis at the front wasn't stinging so it was like it had moved and changed. I was struggling to walk and I wasn't particularly happy about it.

The class was run by Judith, my midwife, so she spoke to me quite a bit as she knew me and she had to discuss labour, without complications. I actually thought she did a good job and the only thing I didn't really like was when she said that they won't talk about breathing as surely she doesn't need to teach us how to breathe! So glad I have active birthing classes to go to.

I was still feeling horrid when I got home and walking, bending or pretty much just moving was becoming more and more of an issue.

By Wednesday I couldn't move and was in a lot of pain. Thankfully Sarah kindly took Ellis to school for me and then Mum came over in the afternoon, picked Ellis up and took him to his music class. So pleased to have had the rest but it didn't do any good and I was still in agony the following day.

In all my pregnancies, I have never wished any of them away but last week was just horrendous. I was in so much pain and I couldn't even live my life! I just wanted baby out! I was done, ready for it to be over.

I spoke to my midwife and she said they could prescribe Codine to help with the pain but it would cross the placenta to the baby so decided against that and then I spoke to the physio who said I was doing everything right and that I just had to put up with it really. I was doing everything I could to move the baby off my back, which is where I thought it was. I was leaning over my ball, doing ball dancing, going on all 4s which was when I was in the most pain so didn't do that too much.

Anyway, Saturday arrived and Rob let me have a lie in but then I just ended up staying in bed all day. I got up at about 4:30pm, gave Leo some dinner then got ready to go out. The pain was still there but not too bad.

On Sunday I was feeling so much better! We went into town and did quite a lot of walking and I was ok. I walked slow but it wasn't painful and even my front pelvis pain was gone. I was worried that doing all the walking would cause the pain to come back on Monday but, touch wood, since then I have been doing really really well. I feel really great actually, fat and bloated, achy and waddling a good un but not in pain. I get twinges but they are nothing compared to what I was getting.

So that's the sciatic pain story and now on to my Braxton Hicks. Thursday evening at Mum and Dads' I was having dinner and they started. I was getting hot flushes and a rock hard bump. It wasn't nice but easy to deal with. Then on Saturday night I was getting loads and loads, with some period pains too so I was almost thinking of timing them and they were keeping me awake too. I told Rob about it and he had a mini panic attack ;o)

I've had them since then but nothing as bad. Maybe the contractions helped to move baby off of the nerve it was sat on and that's why I can walk and move again.

I'm still obsessing over the position of the baby. I try all the time to work it out but I just can't. I mainly think he is transverse with his head on the left side. Seeing the midwife next Wednesday so hopefully she can work it out a bit better, if not I want a scan.

Rob has been helping out loads which is great as I'm starting to need the extra rest time and sleep isn't going so well. I can't get comfy, my hips ache, turning over is an arse and Rob still squashes me and pushes me to the edge of the bed. I wake up tired most mornings.

Baby clothes from newborn to 3 months are all pretty much washed. I have another load of washing, some ironing to do and then it all just needs putting away. I still haven't done my hospital bag and plan to do that this weekend coming.

I am so puffy that I can't even wear my wedding ring anymore and Mum came over today and said "what lovely chubby cheeks!" Great! I'm sulking now and wanting to eat everything in sight.

Naomi phoned me today, (I hope she doesn't mind me putting this) about some heavy discharge she was having and was wondering what to do. She is 36 weeks pregnant today. She was waiting for a call back from her midwife and I just said to put a pad on and to keep an eye on the volume and colour of it. She said she didn't want to open her packet of pads yet, which was quite funny. I tried to reassure her that everything was fine and that even if her waters had gone, there is still time and to not panic. I sent her a text an hour or so later asking her how she was and she replied that her waters had gone!!! I can't believe it! She is now in hospital waiting for baby. I am assuming that if nothing happens within a few days that they will induce her and get baby out. So she will be holding her baby in a few days time, or sooner! So strange that we won't finish our antenatal classes together and we were joking about being in hospital at the same time but that isn't going to happen. I just hope that everything works out well for her and baby and I can't wait to receive "the" text.

I've decided to revamp my birthing plan. For one thing I'm going to call it my wish list and I just want to make it very simple but with a few things on there that I know I don't want. Like I don't want them to keep asking me if I want to have my waters broken. I birthed out my bag of waters with Leo and she constantly asked if she could brake them and I didn't want it done. It just seemed so unnecessary. If the bag wanted to break then it would itself and also I didn't want the contractions to kick up a notch which can happen with no water to cushion the blow. So will work on that and post an updated version soon.

I still have loads to do and keep putting it off cause I just think baby will come late as per the 2 boys and that I have plenty of time yet. Naomi thought she would be early but not this early!

Antenatal class this week was good too. It was taken by Marcia who I really like and she is very organised and energetic which makes it much better. It was about complications and pain relief. Again she did say the thing about they won't teach us how to breathe but other than that it was informative and positive considering it was to do with complications.

I stayed behind to ask a couple of questions and she was very helpful. I asked about the fact that I had a very full bladder at the time of pushing and asked if that could have caused my slight bladder prolapse and she said yes. She said it might also have caused me to have to push so damn hard to get him out as the gap would have been compromised by the full bladder. I asked about the cannula too and if I did actually need one in place straight away and said yes I would need one but could sign a waiver form and not have it. Choice is mine. She then suggested I meet with Steph Withers at the hospital to discuss my options a bit further. I might do that.

Have the consultant appointment on Tuesday. Think I may go anyway but won't bother getting Rob to take the day off. Shazza was having the boys so that I could go to my antenatal class and Naomi said that she could help out to cover the extra time that I would be at the hospital. That aint gonna happen now though. Will have to sort something out.

Feeling okay. Thankful to not be in major pain and looking forward to seeing baby but also scared to death about it all. I'm not worried about pain but worried about how it will all work out, what will happen this time sort of thing and then I worry about recovery and how the boys will deal with etc etc. I can't stop worrying and stressing. How can I get around that? My head is all confused and emotions are very close to the surface. I'm sure it will all work out but it's the not knowing that is doing me in.

So tired and I need to shower and wash my hair. Actually might just go to bed and wash my hair tomorrow while Leo is napping. Yeh that's a plan.

WHICH WAY? - 33 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

Went to the midwife yesterday, eventually, as I went to the wrong bloody clinic to start with. I hurt my pelvis trying to throw the buggy back in the boot and I had squeezed into a space in the car park so getting Leo in and out was a big struggle. Not a nice experience and by the time I had raced over to the other surgery I was all hot and flustered.

I was called in pretty quickly and immediately she dipped my urine and found that I had huge amounts of sugar in it. This could indicate diabetes but I have no other symptoms apart from the swelling and tiredness so she said she wouldn't worry about it this time but will see me again in 3 weeks to check it again. I need to reduce my sugar intake a bit.

She measured bump and it was 33 centimetres which is what it should be so that was good news. Heart rate of baby was traced and seen as fine and she had a feel of bump and said she thought it was head down but not 100%. She said we wouldn't worry about it until 37 weeks and would send me for a scan if she wasn't sure. I asked if it was breech would they do an ECV on me and she said they may not want to because of previous c-section. Even though this isn't necessarily going to happen I was still rather annoyed by this for the rest of the day!

An ECV is a external cephalic version. Basically they grease you up and try to manipulate the baby around and hope that it stays head down, as some flip back like I did. Sorry Mum. There is a really good video of it here.

Midwife took some blood which is never a problem for me and this time she hit the vein first time.

My blood pressure was fine and that was about it. I have another appointment in 3 weeks time.

I did talk about my consultant appointment which is on 15th February and she confirmed that they would just talk about my options and tell me the risks etc which I have already heard when I went with Leo, so not really sure what the point in me going is. I told her I would call up and cancel my appointment and she just said to try and call them really early and speak to a midwife there first. Okay, I'll give it a go but I'm not attending the appointment.

I was quite flustered when I left the clinic. Leo had been a very good boy, going in and out of the car and buggy and just having to sit there watching me too.

Rob fixed the car seat and put the covers in the wash and I cleaned the hood this morning so it's all ready to go looking brand new which is nice.

I have picked up the mattress for the crib and the bedding has been washed and ironed so if baby was to surprise us then we would manage. There is still plenty to do though:

Hospital bag

Clean crib

Finish cleaning, ironing and putting clothes away

Sort out all the pads, cotton wool, nappies etc

Changing box

Blue chair - get back & clean

Memory Box & Scrap book

Birth plan

Oil for perineum massage

Clean sling

Clean buggy cocoon

Find mobile, clean and attach to crib

Clean play mat and find toys that go with it

Sort out baby toys

Present from Nugget to boys

Names list

I know a lot of that isn't critical before baby arrives but it would make me happy and more at ease if it was done.

Okay then so for my hospital bag I have a list of the following:

Shampoo

Conditioner

Arnica

Shower Gel

Scrub

Shaver

Toothbrush & paste

Deodorant

Hair brush

Hair ties

Knickers/net pants

Nursing bra

Pads - maternity & breast

Towels x2

Dressing gown

PJ's

Slipper socks/slippers

Joggers

T-shirt

Cotton Wool

Nappies

Nappy sacks

Nappies

Wipes

3 x vests

3 x baby grows

Hat

Blanket

Rabbit

Going home outfit

Smaller stretchy bandage for my tummy muscles

Notepad and pen for marking down breastfeeding times (although could do on my phone)

2 x cameras (charged and empty memory cards)

Snacks

Water bottle

Mobile & charger

V pillow

Birthing ball

List of people to contact

Maternity notes

Birth plan

Tens machin

Something to give birth in

Very long list but I expect I have forgotten something. Just need to find one bag that isn't too big but fits it all in. I'm hoping to use Rob's bag that he uses for going away with. Might try and grab that this weekend.

The birth plan will just be a slight revised version of the one we used for Leo's birth. I can do that this weekend too so hopefully that will be another thing ticked off the list.

Nugget wiggles a bit but all the hand and feet sticking out thing happens down by my c-section scar so I haven't been able to see it let alone video it. Bit sad about that but never mind.

He gets hiccups quite a lot and I can't stand it. It is a horrible feeling for me. I know lots of people love it but I'm not one of them.

Pelvis hasn't been too bad the last couple of days and I've been quite busy. It does really hurt to turn over in bed and getting up and down can be a bit of struggle but other than that I'm doing pretty good at ignoring it.

Went to my second Active Birthing class on Tuesday which was brilliant. I so wish Naomi was there as we talked through what AB was all about and what sort of stuff you would learn. I wish she could have heard it for herself and not through me. I'm sure she thinks some hippy weirdo is teaching some yoga breathing nonsense or something when it so not like that. It is informative and very helpful and puts it all into perspective so that by the time you are sat by the door (being the one due next) you are relaxed and ready to face the labour and birth and all that it brings with it.

Still rather puffy and feeling large but enjoying it. I'm not wishing it away and not wanting to rush it.

Out tomorrow night with Yoga lot for a meal which I'm really looking forward to and then it's date night Saturday so I'll be going out again. Not sure where though.

Hopefully get a few things done off my list this weekend which will help me to feel a lot more settled and relaxed.

SULKING - 30 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

God I wish this baby would move as I can't stand having my bits kicked! It stings and is just generally not a very nice feeling to be having. I'm missing out on seeing the feet sticking out and stuff. Humf :o( I'm sulking.

We went swimming today which was ace and I loved taking the weight off my bones. I'm hoping to go again next week too if Rob doesn't mind. I am also hoping it will help to free up some space so that baby can move about a bit. Didn't work today but I have a few weeks left.

It's scary how quickly the time is passing now and I'm feeling so relaxed about it all that I have forgotten that I do actually need to get a few things ready. I am not prepared at all. I'm going to hopefully make a start tomorrow if Rob can take Leo food shopping with him again then I can crack on with moving some clothes around and getting Leo's room to be the nursery. Well, half nursery. He will still sleep in there but all the babies stuff will be in there as a base.

I have washing to do a few things to buy I'm sure. I know I need pads but can't remember which ones were the best, I need nappies, and I'm sure some other things so I better start making some lists.

Sharon still has the bath mat with a seat thing but I don't really need that back yet and Sally has the bouncy chair. I think she may still be using it though but will ask her nearer the time. I think she has some sleeping bags too but pretty sure I won't be needing them straight away either. It's really strange as I can't seem to remember anything! It's like I'm doing it all again for the first time. I don't remember feeling like this with Leo. I remember being really organised and knowing what I needed, what I had etc. Better get a move on before I start panicking about it. (Sally & Shazza if you so happen to read this, it isn't a hint, you know I would ask you anyway x)

Pelvis is quite bad most days now and I hobble, wobble, waddle around. Sometimes I can't get up from the floor so I have been trying to change Leo's nappy on the table, and getting them dressed stood on the sofa and things like that. I have been a bit naughty the last 2 day not wearing my stretchy bandage but I just needed a break from it. It will be back on tomorrow.

It is very, very painful to turn over in bed. I try not to do it but my hip starts to ache if I lie on it for too long and currently I have a rather sore left arm from my flu jab I had on Thursday, so sleeping well is a bit tricky at the moment. It isn't helped by Leo still waking up during the night. I try to ignore him but it doesn't work as I end up lying there awake listening to him. We have got into the habit of bringing him in with us which long term isn't going to work as Nugget will more than likely be bed sharing every now and then as I will feed lying down and snoozing, like I did with the other 2. It will be a bit of a squeeze with wriggly Leo in the bed too.

Speaking of Leo, I really don't think I have prepared him enough. I used to show Ellis pictures and explain it all to him, keep telling him that his baby brother was going to come out etc etc. Leo kisses and cuddles bump but I'm sure he has no idea what is in there. I need to at least have a go at explaining it to him a bit. Ellis seems to grasp the idea that a baby is in there and might need to be cut out as this rate rather than coming out my middle. And yes I did tell him that is where babies come out. I didn't see the harm and he wasn't phased by it at all.

Wish I could have a flash forward to the labour and delivery. Just to see how it goes and that everything is all right.

Starting AB classes on 18th Jan for sure and my antenatal group sessions start at the beginning of February and thankfully my ace mates, Sally & Charlotte have agreed to watch the boys for me so that I can go. Cheers guys xxx

Right that's me done. Off to bed at just gone 11pm, not good but Rob is on the early shift tomorrow, hurrah!