CONFUSED - 39 WEEKS

My brain is so frazzled right now that I don't even have the energy to blog. I will try though.

Still feeling really rough, blocked up nose, tight chest, hard to breathe sometimes, headache, cough etc. Not nice and I just want it gone.

Thursday is quickly approaching and I still haven't made my mind up about what I want to do. I wish I could see into all the different futures.

I could wait to go into labour and to see if the contractions help to turn baby, or I could wait to go into labour before the c-section so at least I know baby is ready and we both get some good hormones for milk supply etc. I could have a vaginal breech birth which after looking into it a bit isn't that uncommon, or I could just go in on Thursday and have poor baby whipped out of his warm little home into a theatre room filled with bright lights and people doing stuff to him. The only plus I can see to this is getting my diastases sorted out, but is it really worth it?

I'm seeing the midwife tomorrow so will try and ask her some questions but I have to take the boys with me so I doubt I'll pick much up.

I did the pelvic tilt thing today for about 30 minutes I had my bum resting up on a mound of pillows and then for the rest of the day the baby has been really active. I think maybe one of his feet has shifted out of my pelvis as I can feel kicks again down on my right side. He has just generally been moving a lot more and I've had a few Braxton Hicks today. Not been feeling all that good really. I've been staying active though, walking Ellis to school and going to Sainsbury's which actually ended up being quite a struggle.

This nasty cold has made me blow my nose quite hard and all the coughing has hurt my tummy and my bum! I have a bad pile now and I've been treating it loads but it hasn't helped. A real pain in the arse, pun intended!

What is the right decision!? I have no gut instinct or feeling about any of it. All I know is that I'm scared of c-section and vaginal delivery now. I'm not prepared for either.

Hopefully speaking to Judith tomorrow and then someone on Thursday will help. It seems so far away though but also very close. I need help, but no one can help me. No one can tell me what the right thing to do is.

Everyone keeps saying that it will all be fine and will work out one way or the other. I so hope it does but that doesn't stop me doing my head in about it all. I have tried. I have tried to just pick one option and be okay with it but 2 seconds later I change my mind!

Can't believe how active Nugget is today. He hasn't moved around just pushes out and makes bump all pointy and hard. I pretty much decided over the last 2 days though that this will be my last baby, unless we have an accident of course.

I wish Rob was home. He is with his mates though having a little farewell party, but he can't drink just in case, which is rubbish for him.

Been really struggling with acid indigestion too. Last night I slept sitting up but it was still quite bad and I had to go to the toilet twice during the night and Ellis was awake 3 times. I'm not sure what is causing it. He says it is the heater/boiler or his radiator but I don't believe that is it.

Been trying to just chill out with the boys. Chatting to them, lots of cuddles that sort of thing. It's the only thing I can do really as I can't play fight etc. It is really nice time with them though and I'm trying hard to cherish it. Ellis is growing up so fast and Leo is really starting to make progress with communicating to all of us. I'm really worried about how I will split my time once number 3 is here. Again, I'm sure it will work out just fine!

I have done 39 week bump pictures but they are on the PC and I'm on the laptop so will have to post them tomorrow or something.

Even my blog post is all over the place!

So tired and need sleep but just can't sleep. One way or the other it will all be over soon and the recovery process and looking after a larger family can commence. Not long and all this will be a distant memory.