TOUGH GOING - 3 WEEKS, 4 DAYS OLD

I really am trying to do blogging but it would seem that my evenings are going to be taken up with feeding, burping and changing. I can't type one handed so I'm just going to have to try and do some during the day, hence this entry which I'm manically trying to type out while Oscar is sleeping, Ellis is watching TV and Leo is in hospital with Daddy. Long story which will eventually be told.

So just to catch up, things are still manic at home. I'm recovering well but I have been over doing it recently and I'm achy and sore by the evening. I keep forgetting that I am recovering from surgery.

The health visitor phoned to arrange an appointment but then I had a further call a few days later to say that they had to rearrange it and it isn't until tomorrow now so I haven't seen anyone for ages now! I have no idea how heavy Oscar is.

So yes, he now has a name. Oscar Wallace, and we will be registering him tomorrow afternoon. I didn't force the issue with Rob, I just asked him to consider it and he said that I could have it. The middle name became an issue again but Rob eventually got bored of thinking about names so agreed Wallace too. I said if we have another baby, he can name it, unless it's a girl then I must have a say.

I'm working on my birth story and subsequent days in hospital but it's slow going and the entries are going to be massive!

I'm still rather large, 13st 2lbs yesterday and my normal weight is around 11st 7lbs so have a long way to go yet.

I managed to get my size 12 jeans on on Saturday. I really couldn't breathe, bend or sit down though and they wouldn't be comfortable to wear for a long time but it was a nice boost for me. That being said, my eating is terrible! I can't stop eating chocolate and cake etc. It's really not like me.

My hair hasn't started to fall out yet which is great and my bleeding stopped a couple of weeks ago which was really early I thought.

The scar is looking quite good. There is one area that hasn't healed yet but it's getting there. My belly is minging though and always will be.

I've put my wedding ring back on but it is still rather tight. Engagement ring will definitely not fit for a while yet. I'm not ready to diet or watch my eating. I just have too much on my mind to worry about it.

Rob went back to work, just for Thursday and Friday morning and my Mum came over to stay with us to help out, because I still can't lift Leo and I can't drive. It was great to have her here.

I slept on the sofa the night Mum was here. It actually worked really well as I didn't have to get in and out of bed to reach Oscar and I was really comfortable. I tried it Saturday night too but it don't go very well at all. Oscar just ate and ate and ate and wouldn't settle, not even on me. I think he may have been trying to increase my milk supply as I had none left on the night time but I have noticed that yesterday and today my boobs seem fuller. They will hopefully die down a bit soon.

Oscar is a very very windy baby and so I decided to give Infacol a go. It may do nothing but it makes me feel better that I'm doing something. He is screaming now because of wind and it makes things very tricky as in between feeds he doesn't really sleep soundly for any amount of time. It's still early days I know and I'm sure things will improve. You really do forget how hard the early days are.

Just having a newborn baby would be hard on it's own but we have Ellis and Leo too. The pressure has really been put on us recently with me having the section, Rob being ill, Leo and Ellis were ill then they got better, then when Mum was staying with me Ellis hurt his ankle and had to go to A&E then Leo fell from his stool and hit his head then started to be sick, so he went to A&E and has since been sick again so has gone back to A&E today! It all happens at once! Ellis is still limping away and running with his foot turned in, Rob is still at A&E as I type this but should shortly be coming home, I'm sore and achy from doing too much yesterday and today and Rob is struggling too. We seem to be quite up beat though considering everything.

I'm really not looking forward to Rob going back to work. It's going to be hard.

MUCUS - 39 WEEKS, 1 DAY

Went to see the midwife today and discussed through my options. I've decided against going for a vaginal breech delivery if his feet are first as too many risky factors, one being the cord, and the other being previous section. If he is bum first however I may think about it.

If I have a c-section this time then if we were to have another she said she is pretty certain that I would struggle to find someone who would let me try for a vaginal birth. That is a long way off, if ever but has to be considered.

BP, urine, measurements, baby's heart rate etc were all fine but I'm sure from the look on her face that she isn't sure where the baby is lying. Thank God for scans!

If the scan on Thursday shows no cord around the neck I may ask if they can do an ECV but I might just not bother and resign myself to a section. To be honest, this evening I've been packing my bags and getting everything ready like I am having one anyway and that is what I have been picturing in my head.

Still have so much to get ready but it isn't urgent. I want to make sure I have some clothes ready for Rob to bring in for me to come home in, need to wrap present to boys from Nugget, need to make packed lunches for Thursday and make sure I remember to take out Ellis' car seat so Sharon can take him to his swimming lesson. I also need to remember to take the pre op medication and not to eat or drink after either! I'm sure that is going to slip my mind.

This afternoon I went to Mum and Dad's house for a bit of TLC. Leo is quite hard to look after while there but he wasn't too bad today. He sat munching in the high chair quite a lot and enjoys playing on the ipad which is cute to watch. Ellis didn't stay asleep in the car but remained in front of the TV or ipad and was really good.

I'm still feeling really full of cold and I can't clear my sinuses. Coughing is an issue too. If I try to stop it it makes it worse but if I just cough then that is bad enough. I really hope that one more day of recovering will help it to go as I'm really worried about blowing out stitches by coughing!

Been treating my pile with no success and it hurts like hell. Going to be the least of my worries in a couple of days though.

I was sat next to Ellis this afternoon and I had a few period type pains and I went to the loo to find a bit of a show. So I've lost some of my mucus plug today, nice! Then for the rest of the afternoon I couldn't stop going for a wee! I went loads, very strange as I only had 2 cups of tea and a pint of water all afternoon.

I had a bath this evening, shaved again, sorted out the washing, put some clothes away, put some more stuff in my hospital bag which I still think isn't finished but will have to do, and I was going to do loads more but I'm in bed now.

Nugget really wiggles about at this time of night. Going to be a nocturnal baby I think. With is feet kicking my bladder and lower though I worry that he might rupture the membranes and we would then have to rush in for an emergency c-section and I doubt Rob would make it back in time which would be really sad.

Shattered now, going to try and get some sleep and hopefully nothing will start during the night as I have lots to get organised tomorrow.

CONFUSED - 39 WEEKS

My brain is so frazzled right now that I don't even have the energy to blog. I will try though.

Still feeling really rough, blocked up nose, tight chest, hard to breathe sometimes, headache, cough etc. Not nice and I just want it gone.

Thursday is quickly approaching and I still haven't made my mind up about what I want to do. I wish I could see into all the different futures.

I could wait to go into labour and to see if the contractions help to turn baby, or I could wait to go into labour before the c-section so at least I know baby is ready and we both get some good hormones for milk supply etc. I could have a vaginal breech birth which after looking into it a bit isn't that uncommon, or I could just go in on Thursday and have poor baby whipped out of his warm little home into a theatre room filled with bright lights and people doing stuff to him. The only plus I can see to this is getting my diastases sorted out, but is it really worth it?

I'm seeing the midwife tomorrow so will try and ask her some questions but I have to take the boys with me so I doubt I'll pick much up.

I did the pelvic tilt thing today for about 30 minutes I had my bum resting up on a mound of pillows and then for the rest of the day the baby has been really active. I think maybe one of his feet has shifted out of my pelvis as I can feel kicks again down on my right side. He has just generally been moving a lot more and I've had a few Braxton Hicks today. Not been feeling all that good really. I've been staying active though, walking Ellis to school and going to Sainsbury's which actually ended up being quite a struggle.

This nasty cold has made me blow my nose quite hard and all the coughing has hurt my tummy and my bum! I have a bad pile now and I've been treating it loads but it hasn't helped. A real pain in the arse, pun intended!

What is the right decision!? I have no gut instinct or feeling about any of it. All I know is that I'm scared of c-section and vaginal delivery now. I'm not prepared for either.

Hopefully speaking to Judith tomorrow and then someone on Thursday will help. It seems so far away though but also very close. I need help, but no one can help me. No one can tell me what the right thing to do is.

Everyone keeps saying that it will all be fine and will work out one way or the other. I so hope it does but that doesn't stop me doing my head in about it all. I have tried. I have tried to just pick one option and be okay with it but 2 seconds later I change my mind!

Can't believe how active Nugget is today. He hasn't moved around just pushes out and makes bump all pointy and hard. I pretty much decided over the last 2 days though that this will be my last baby, unless we have an accident of course.

I wish Rob was home. He is with his mates though having a little farewell party, but he can't drink just in case, which is rubbish for him.

Been really struggling with acid indigestion too. Last night I slept sitting up but it was still quite bad and I had to go to the toilet twice during the night and Ellis was awake 3 times. I'm not sure what is causing it. He says it is the heater/boiler or his radiator but I don't believe that is it.

Been trying to just chill out with the boys. Chatting to them, lots of cuddles that sort of thing. It's the only thing I can do really as I can't play fight etc. It is really nice time with them though and I'm trying hard to cherish it. Ellis is growing up so fast and Leo is really starting to make progress with communicating to all of us. I'm really worried about how I will split my time once number 3 is here. Again, I'm sure it will work out just fine!

I have done 39 week bump pictures but they are on the PC and I'm on the laptop so will have to post them tomorrow or something.

Even my blog post is all over the place!

So tired and need sleep but just can't sleep. One way or the other it will all be over soon and the recovery process and looking after a larger family can commence. Not long and all this will be a distant memory.

SICKY BAD - 38 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

I'm ill. I'm feeling very sorry for myself and very worried about going through major surgery feeling like this. My head and ears are pounding, nose is blocked and I keep coughing. I can only imagine the pain I will feel when I cough with stitches running across my belly.

I'm trying to spend my days bonding with baby. Picturing his little face, hands, feet etc and thinking of a name for him. I haven't come up with any yet. I just want to get him here safe and well. I'm a bit worried about his feet and hips but nothing I can do about that yet. Hips will be scanned like Ellis' were and the feet are still moving so hopefully they haven't been squished.

Bump is still wriggling but not moving as such, and never really has done.

Rob is ill too but he is doing his best to look after us all. It must be hard going to be working so far away and then to come home feeling rough and wanting to chill when you have other sick people and hectic kids to contend with. Ellis is really on one today!

Stacey had her baby boy yesterday. He is a little cutie at 5lb 12oz. They named him Leo Charles.

Very teary at the moment but that's because I'm feeling so rough and I HATE being ill, especially when there is stuff that needs to be done and a huge event coming up like having a baby to look after! It's not just the new baby either, I need to make sure my boys are all okay with it too. Need to make a list of final stuff that needs to be done. I want to sort my hospital bags out again as I don't need them set up for going through labour and to just check I'm happy with everything really.

I'm just really worried and scared about everything at the moment. Don't feel like I'm coping too well. Just need some positive thoughts to snap out of it.

SPA - 37 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

Went to the spa today with Mum and it was ace.

The day started off okay. I had a terrible nights sleep and it was my turn for a lie in. I only dozed though as Rob put the heating on so I had dry mouth, cracked lips and it makes loads of noise plus the boys had their music blasting downstairs so I just couldn't settle. It was nice to just chill out.

I got up, got my stuff ready and went to meet Mum.

We arrived early at the spa so went into BHS for a drink and cake before going in.

We just relaxed in the pools, chatted about loads of rubbish and just generally flopped about.

We had treatments booked. Mum went for a full body massage and I went for a Watsu.

I filled out the form saying there was nothing wrong with me etc, then I was greeted by Cerah, a very nice young lady and I immediately relaxed as I had pictured a hairy bloke was going to be doing it.

I had a shower then I sat on some steps in the pool and she attached some floats to my calves and thighs and after taking a few breathes with my eyes closed she came behind me and propped my head on her shoulder. She then proceeded to float me around the pool, moving my arms and legs and pressing on pressure points etc which was really, really relaxing. I got a bit cold at times but other than that I would recommend it. At the end she propped me up against the wall and left me hanging there for a few minutes. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to get up, open my eyes or what. She eventually came over and said, "you ok?" and I opened my eyes. I was allowed another minute in the pool just to wake up a bit and then I got out to meet Mum in the rest area.

I was quite cold so wrapped up in a lush fleece blanket with a cup of hot water. We didn't want to move after that. It took us a while be we eventually got ourselves moving and walked up the high street to find a nice pasta place to eat in.

After scoffing some delicious food we made our way back to the bus stop and home.

Baby hasn't moved one bit and is still kicking and scrabbling at my down below bits. Hopefully Tuesday will be more successful.

I forgot to mention that I nearly fell over today. I went to the toilet with the silly slipper things on and stood on the wet floor and went flying. Luckily the wall stopped my fall so I didn't hit the floor but I certainly pulled my pelvis, back and hurt my hand on the wall.

Baby could be here in 3 days. I know he could be here sooner than that but I doubt he would come early.

Off out tomorrow and then Monday I will spend time getting me and the house ready for potentially having the baby on Tuesday.

The boys had an ace time with Daddy today who took them to the soft play place. I saw a couple of videos and they looked so happy. Wish I could have been there too, as well as gone to the spa. Can't have it all though and it must have been lush for them to have had Daddy time. More of it to come too.

Going to switch off for a few minutes before trying to get some shut eye.

POSITIVE THINKING - 37 WEEKS, 4 DAYS

How quickly did the last 37 weeks go! Bump picture.

I had a midwife appointment the day after I saw the registrar and I'm not sure if I've written about it yet. I might have done on topflumps but not sure.

Anyway I saw Judith and she asked how I had got on at the hospital, I told her about it being breech and she was like "NO!" . She was really surprised. She tested my wee, did my blood pressure and felt my tummy and I think she didn't really know which way it was until I told her. She listened to the heart beat which took her a while to find as she was searching in a different place to normal because of him being breech but when she put the Doppler on the normal place she heard it. She said my babies are weird. Thanks!

My blood test results were missing so she said she would chase them up and then booked me in for 3 weeks time when I said I would of more than likely had it by then, if not then on the day of the appointment.

We did discuss going for a natural breech delivery but seeing as he is a footling breech, feet down rather than bum, this increases the risks quite a lot. Basically the cord can fall out and get squashed causing harm and possibly death to the baby. Not a risk worth taking.

I had my active birthing class on Tuesday and I was in a right strop. A lovely lady brought her son in and talked about her lovely active, natural birth that went really well. I was sulking of course.

I had a cry on the way home and I was still sulking when I spoke to Rob so he got pissy with me without really realising that I was having "issues!" Can't blame him, I was a right stroppy cow but I feel like I had a right to be, in a way anyway. We had a chat and he said the same things that everyone says, and all the things I already know so I basically told him to shut up and just give me a hug.

I'm starting to feel a bit better about the whole situation. I think the closer it gets the more relaxed I'm getting as time is running out. Going with the flow, being in the now, whatever attitude, what will be will be is all stuff I know but unable to put in to practice at the moment. I think if someone says it to me one more time I might scream out loud rather than just in my head!

I sound like a right spoiled brat! Here I am with a healthy baby boy in my belly ready to come into this family and all I can fixate on is how he is going to get here. I haven't even thought about the after bit, apart from if I have a section how awful it will be ;o)

I keep looking around at all the baby stuff and can't actually get my head around the fact that a little baby will be here very shortly. I need to start focusing more on how I feel about the baby and how he is going to fit into our family and preparing the boys for his arrival. Leo is so cute with bump, like Ellis was really. Ellis this time isn't so interested although he did put his hand on it today to have a feel.

We really don't have a name sorted. Nothing. I've been testing some out on Ellis but he doesn't like anything, apart from Sugar or Rocket. I really don't want to send out "the" text message with just baby arrived on it. I want to introduce him with a name as a person. I sound crazy I'm sure but I'm used to that. Rob really doesn't like the one name that I have come up with and to be honest even I'm not 100% sure of it, not like I was with Ellis and Leo. I didn't think I would get to have Leo's name though. Maybe we will try some names out when he is here before sending out the message. I've told Rob not to put anything on Facebook until we have spoken with family and sent out the text to close friends. I don't want anything on there until we know that he and I are safe and well.

I pretty much have everything ready. There are little things outstanding but they could be grabbed at the last minute. I need to make sure that camera batteries are charged and memory cards are cleared though, so will sort that tomorrow. The other thing outstanding is my birth plan. I've pretty much thrown that out the window for now. If things change on Tuesday then I will write it but for now I'm not actually going to bother.

Been feeling more tired recently. I'm sleeping okay when the boys let me. I have to regularly get up with one or both of them during the night and I need a wee break too so it is very disturbed sleep but not too painful like it was before. It does hurt to turn over, especially when Rob is here but my hips don't ache which is nice.

I've started to get a lot of acid indigestion which isn't nice so I'm trying to prop myself up a bit. I think because baby is breech and not engaging, and is getting a lot bigger, that he is pressing up on my stomach and causing it. Not much longer now.

Waking up with bloated legs and feet now which can feel uncomfortable at times. Rob gave me a really lush foot rub the other night and I've just asked for another so looking forward to that.

Tuesday is coming around fast but not fast enough if you know what I mean. I just want it done with now. I want some answers. But I am trying really hard to enjoy my time with the boys. By the end of the day I'm tired and touchy but we do have fun. This week has been quite hard as it has been half term but we have done some different things and chilled out together too which has been nice.

Having a lie in tomorrow morning then off to the spa in the afternoon. Really looking forward to a pamper day. It may well be my last lie in too if baby comes on Tuesday, which is possible.

I'm keeping my hopes up though that he might be turned, I am pretty sure he won't turn himself now but you never know I suppose. Fingers crossed for it all.

WATSU - 36 WEEKS, 6 DAYS

Been feeling a little better the last 2 days or so. I'm not great about the situation I find myself in but I'm coming to terms with it a bit more. I'm really not looking forward to the experience of the ECV and hopefully, fingers crossed I won't have to go through it.

Been trying to get baby to turn by being on all 4s, sitting and bouncing on my birthing ball but this makes my feet really puffy, and visualising and telling him to get his head down! It might work, you never know.

The only good thing about the baby being in this position is that he isn't putting any pressure on my pelvis which is great. I do get sciatic pain still and it makes my left leg give way suddenly with some shooting pain but I can deal with that much better than constant burning and stinging of my pelvis whenever I move.

The kicks to the bladder and bum area are a constant reminder from the little bugger that he still hasn't turned. I keep getting my hopes up every now and then when I feel a bit different but so far he is still staying in exactly the same place. He has been like it for 10 weeks now so I suppose he must be comfortable.

Booked into the spa with Mum. Going to have a Watsu. I think you basically float about while being gently moved around by a therapist. It's costing an arm and a leg for it but I can't wait! Hopefully all the relaxing will get baby round.

Time is ticking away. Only 9 days until ECV, 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and baby will be here very soon. I think my thoughts are so consumed with how he is going to get here that I haven't been thinking about the after bit yet. It's making me tired just typing about it.

In need of sleep, healthy food and drink, and some alone time. Too busy for that though.

BONDING - 35 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

Piles are a pain in the arse! I've suffered with them for a long time but since having Leo they have been quite bad and since being pregnant again, they are really bad. I've been using the cream and stuff but it isn't making any difference. Not too uncomfortable though so that's good.

Been feeling a lot better recently, physically. Emotionally I'm all over the place. One minute I'm so positive, happy and excited, the next I'm shit scared, miserable, stressed etc. I'm pretty sure it is normal to be like this and Rob is coping quite well with all the ups and downs.

One concern that I have at the moment is bonding with the new baby. With Ellis it took me around 3 months before I felt like I was close to my baby. There were a lot of things that played a part in this. I was a first time Mummy, I hadn't seen him leave my body and I didn't have the birth I expected, recovery for me was slow, his feeding didn't go well to start with and he lost weight and I just generally struggled I think so it was a job to get through each day. Leo on the other hand was completely different. I felt like I started bonding with him while he was in my tummy. I would talk to him, sing to him, read to him, call him him, would love feeling and watching his movements and then as soon as I pulled him up on to my chest I just felt it. Not really sure what "it" is but it wasn't foreign, it was warm and close. Feeding Leo was easy and not painful and my recovery was better, not great but a lot better, plus I knew how to do all the necessary things like changing a nappy so I could spend more time giving him love, cuddles and other attention. Sounds really bad that maybe I didn't do that with Ellis to start with but I'm sure I did, I just don't really remember it. I just remember working very, very hard.

So I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say or how to put it at least, but I just know that I am worried that I won't feel the same. Have to wait and see I suppose and to try not to put too much pressure on myself. It's going to be tough going I know that much but I just want to enjoy it all if possible.

Swelling is increasing nicely. Last night I sat on my ball on my PC and I must have been sat in one position for too long because as soon as I moved I realised that my feet were stinging. I showed Rob and he said I just had legs that went straight down to my feet. I had no ankles and my feet were massive. Rob could put a thumb sized dent in them which would last for a while. Not nice, not attractive. I sat with them raised after a quick rub from Rob and had some water but it didn't help that much so I ended up going to bed. I'll try and get a picture. I've realised that I haven't really posted pictures on this blog that much. I will try and rectify that, even if it is just random bump pictures or something.

I've really started to feel this pregnancy and I'm struggling more at this stage then I did with the first 2 pregnancies. I think I'm a bit older now, my body has been through a lot since 2006 and I have 2 kiddies to look after without Rob around as much. It's bound to take its toll but I keep going. Rob thanked me this evening for soldiering on and that he appreciated how hard I was working. That's always nice to hear.

Been really busy today. I tried to have a lie in but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't get comfy, the sun was shining in, the boys downstairs were really loud, the bloke outside was cleaning our car and Rob came in a few times. Admittedly on one occasion he brought me up a cuppa and a bowl of cereal which I really needed.

I eventually got up and started my hospital bag. It's 90% there now which is great. It isn't in a bag but it is all together on the side so just needs to be scooped up. A lot of the stuff that isn't in can't be packed yet because I use it, like the cameras, my hair brush, dressing gown etc. I don't have slippers yet so need to purchase some of those and I really need a different t-shirt to go with my new pyjama bottoms.

I also need to start work on my wish list (birth plan) so that I can complete all my notes and I want to make sure I have a TENS machine on Tuesday, so better e-mail Vivien about that.

Can't believe how close it is! Not as close as Naomi as she gave birth to a little boy, Harri, on Friday. He was 5lb 5oz and I believe they are still in hospital for now. I would think they would stay a few days to make sure he is eating well and putting on weight seeing as he is so early.

I don't know any details and I can't wait to catch up with her properly. I'm so happy for her that everything turned out well, but a little bit jealous that she has been through it, out the other side and now has her baby and can just move on. Does that make sense? I'm still a ticking bomb and she has her body back, without the extra 4/6 weeks of weight gain too! Shouldn't rush these things though and I know it is safer for baby to be inside for a while longer yet.

Hopefully be able to get a little bit of cleaning done tomorrow. The dust in this house is amazing! I know I don't clean enough but it's like I said to Rob today, once I've finished tidying so that I can clean, I'm too tired or the boys need attention and I can't do it! Will try at least to run the vacuum around the upstairs tomorrow. Want to clean the bathroom too. Shattered just thinking about it.

Okay, I'm off to try and get some sleep, not an easy task mind you but I'll give it a good go.

HORRENDOUS - 35 WEEKS, 2 DAYS

Last Tuesday, 1st February I was just 34 weeks pregnant I attended my first antenatal class and Naomi came to pick me up. I had started to have some back pain that morning which felt more like sciatic nerve pain then anything else and my pelvis at the front wasn't stinging so it was like it had moved and changed. I was struggling to walk and I wasn't particularly happy about it.

The class was run by Judith, my midwife, so she spoke to me quite a bit as she knew me and she had to discuss labour, without complications. I actually thought she did a good job and the only thing I didn't really like was when she said that they won't talk about breathing as surely she doesn't need to teach us how to breathe! So glad I have active birthing classes to go to.

I was still feeling horrid when I got home and walking, bending or pretty much just moving was becoming more and more of an issue.

By Wednesday I couldn't move and was in a lot of pain. Thankfully Sarah kindly took Ellis to school for me and then Mum came over in the afternoon, picked Ellis up and took him to his music class. So pleased to have had the rest but it didn't do any good and I was still in agony the following day.

In all my pregnancies, I have never wished any of them away but last week was just horrendous. I was in so much pain and I couldn't even live my life! I just wanted baby out! I was done, ready for it to be over.

I spoke to my midwife and she said they could prescribe Codine to help with the pain but it would cross the placenta to the baby so decided against that and then I spoke to the physio who said I was doing everything right and that I just had to put up with it really. I was doing everything I could to move the baby off my back, which is where I thought it was. I was leaning over my ball, doing ball dancing, going on all 4s which was when I was in the most pain so didn't do that too much.

Anyway, Saturday arrived and Rob let me have a lie in but then I just ended up staying in bed all day. I got up at about 4:30pm, gave Leo some dinner then got ready to go out. The pain was still there but not too bad.

On Sunday I was feeling so much better! We went into town and did quite a lot of walking and I was ok. I walked slow but it wasn't painful and even my front pelvis pain was gone. I was worried that doing all the walking would cause the pain to come back on Monday but, touch wood, since then I have been doing really really well. I feel really great actually, fat and bloated, achy and waddling a good un but not in pain. I get twinges but they are nothing compared to what I was getting.

So that's the sciatic pain story and now on to my Braxton Hicks. Thursday evening at Mum and Dads' I was having dinner and they started. I was getting hot flushes and a rock hard bump. It wasn't nice but easy to deal with. Then on Saturday night I was getting loads and loads, with some period pains too so I was almost thinking of timing them and they were keeping me awake too. I told Rob about it and he had a mini panic attack ;o)

I've had them since then but nothing as bad. Maybe the contractions helped to move baby off of the nerve it was sat on and that's why I can walk and move again.

I'm still obsessing over the position of the baby. I try all the time to work it out but I just can't. I mainly think he is transverse with his head on the left side. Seeing the midwife next Wednesday so hopefully she can work it out a bit better, if not I want a scan.

Rob has been helping out loads which is great as I'm starting to need the extra rest time and sleep isn't going so well. I can't get comfy, my hips ache, turning over is an arse and Rob still squashes me and pushes me to the edge of the bed. I wake up tired most mornings.

Baby clothes from newborn to 3 months are all pretty much washed. I have another load of washing, some ironing to do and then it all just needs putting away. I still haven't done my hospital bag and plan to do that this weekend coming.

I am so puffy that I can't even wear my wedding ring anymore and Mum came over today and said "what lovely chubby cheeks!" Great! I'm sulking now and wanting to eat everything in sight.

Naomi phoned me today, (I hope she doesn't mind me putting this) about some heavy discharge she was having and was wondering what to do. She is 36 weeks pregnant today. She was waiting for a call back from her midwife and I just said to put a pad on and to keep an eye on the volume and colour of it. She said she didn't want to open her packet of pads yet, which was quite funny. I tried to reassure her that everything was fine and that even if her waters had gone, there is still time and to not panic. I sent her a text an hour or so later asking her how she was and she replied that her waters had gone!!! I can't believe it! She is now in hospital waiting for baby. I am assuming that if nothing happens within a few days that they will induce her and get baby out. So she will be holding her baby in a few days time, or sooner! So strange that we won't finish our antenatal classes together and we were joking about being in hospital at the same time but that isn't going to happen. I just hope that everything works out well for her and baby and I can't wait to receive "the" text.

I've decided to revamp my birthing plan. For one thing I'm going to call it my wish list and I just want to make it very simple but with a few things on there that I know I don't want. Like I don't want them to keep asking me if I want to have my waters broken. I birthed out my bag of waters with Leo and she constantly asked if she could brake them and I didn't want it done. It just seemed so unnecessary. If the bag wanted to break then it would itself and also I didn't want the contractions to kick up a notch which can happen with no water to cushion the blow. So will work on that and post an updated version soon.

I still have loads to do and keep putting it off cause I just think baby will come late as per the 2 boys and that I have plenty of time yet. Naomi thought she would be early but not this early!

Antenatal class this week was good too. It was taken by Marcia who I really like and she is very organised and energetic which makes it much better. It was about complications and pain relief. Again she did say the thing about they won't teach us how to breathe but other than that it was informative and positive considering it was to do with complications.

I stayed behind to ask a couple of questions and she was very helpful. I asked about the fact that I had a very full bladder at the time of pushing and asked if that could have caused my slight bladder prolapse and she said yes. She said it might also have caused me to have to push so damn hard to get him out as the gap would have been compromised by the full bladder. I asked about the cannula too and if I did actually need one in place straight away and said yes I would need one but could sign a waiver form and not have it. Choice is mine. She then suggested I meet with Steph Withers at the hospital to discuss my options a bit further. I might do that.

Have the consultant appointment on Tuesday. Think I may go anyway but won't bother getting Rob to take the day off. Shazza was having the boys so that I could go to my antenatal class and Naomi said that she could help out to cover the extra time that I would be at the hospital. That aint gonna happen now though. Will have to sort something out.

Feeling okay. Thankful to not be in major pain and looking forward to seeing baby but also scared to death about it all. I'm not worried about pain but worried about how it will all work out, what will happen this time sort of thing and then I worry about recovery and how the boys will deal with etc etc. I can't stop worrying and stressing. How can I get around that? My head is all confused and emotions are very close to the surface. I'm sure it will all work out but it's the not knowing that is doing me in.

So tired and I need to shower and wash my hair. Actually might just go to bed and wash my hair tomorrow while Leo is napping. Yeh that's a plan.

LIST - 32 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

I have an expanding list of things I want to talk about on here so I better get on with it before I forget what I wanted to say. It won't really flow as I'm following a list and will just write about each one.

Gas - with my first 2 pregnancies I always had gas going up and down but this time around I haven't suffered from it and luckily, so far, I haven't had any indigestion which is great.

Aches & Pains - everyone gets them I'm sure. This time I have been getting lower back ache if I've been standing for a long time but to be honest I get that when I'm not pregnant too. It isn't too bad though. The biggest issue is the burning, stinging, stabbing pelvis pain. Sometimes it is horrendous. The worse time by far is when trying to get comfy in bed or turning over, oh and getting dressed and undressed. It is so painful and you know you have to feel it as you have to move. So I just grit my teeth, feel the pain and usually groan or let out some air. It isn't nice and I will stop going on about it but I have to write about it as a reminder for next time! ;o)

Preparing siblings - I feel like I haven't done enough of this with Leo and too much with Ellis. Ellis is always asking when is baby Ben going to arrive, is it spring yet etc etc and Leo just knows that my tummy is called baby. Pretty sure he doesn't know that there is a baby in there and that it will be coming out and home with us. I think he will be in for the biggest shock. Ellis really wants to be a helper and I hope he does as I will need it.

Baby position - I pretty much have no idea of baby's position other than the fact that all movement, kicks, prods etc is down on my c-section scar and below. It is so strange how low it is and it doesn't feel nice at all. I know there is time for baby to get in a proper position but it would be nice to feel some good movements and legs/arms sticking out etc. I have a midwife appointment in just under a week so should know more then, hopefully.

Rob has actually looked into purchasing an ultra sound machine so that I can put my mind at rest as I obsess about it every day. They go for £900 which isn't bad really as you can re-sell it. I've told him not to obviously.

Size - I've been told conflicting things about how I look size wise. Some say I look massive then go on to say but it's all up front and you don't look pregnant from behind. One lady today said I hardly looked pregnant! People say I don't look like I have put on any extra weight! Seriously! It would be nice to be made to feel better but when you know you have gained so much extra fat on your arse and thighs and I'm bloated everywhere else, you wonder why people are fibbing so badly. ;o) I just have to look at my hands I know I'm big.

Getting ready - Right, so I've started to do the washing and ironing and putting the clothes into Leo's current room. All of Leo's clothes are now in with Ellis' which makes it so much easier. I've been out shopping and bought a few bits, ordered the mattress and bought myself some pads and arnica. I've written a very long list of stuff for the hospital bag but I don't remember taking that much stuff last time. I'll post the list on here soon. Need to do a birthing plan, clean the crib, finish sorting the clothes, sort out a car seat as current one is broken, pack hospital bag and I also need to work out what I'm going to do if labour starts and Rob is away etc. I mean Mum and Dad are 20 minutes drive away so add on getting out the house, 30 minutes, and Uncle Dave isn't much closer, if I can get hold of him. Sally has kindly said she would let me know when she could be free which is great as she is a lot closer, but it is still a worry. Hopefully it will start Friday afternoon or something, that way Rob will be home and I won't have to worry about any of it. I seem to have quite long labours but this time might be really fast, you just never know and it's best to be prepared.

AB Classes - went back to my first active birthing class on Tuesday. I made the silly mistake of walking down the very dark lane to get to the barn, ended up scaring the shit out of myself, causing me to run and hurt my pelvis. The class went well though. We heard a birth story at the beginning, drank tea, ate chocolate, talked about breathing techniques at the end for 2 minutes and introduced ourselves etc. It was really nice to be back but strange at the same time. I felt like a know it all and I sat there nodding my head a lot of the time. I'll keep going for now as it is nice to think about this baby and this pregnancy and I do need to get my head prepared for the labour of labour.

Appetite - this is going up and down and all over the place. Some days I really could just drink water all day and be fine, other days 2 chocolate bars, 3 packets of crips, tons of fruit etc are just not enough. I haven't weighed and I don't intend to until 35 weeks. I think with Leo I weighed a lot so was much more conscious of what was happening but this time I'm just going with the flow. Not worried about weight gain at all as long as I don't go stupid. I'm pretty sure I can lose it again with a bit of will power and I'm planning to do it by having an eating plan ready so that I can stick to it. It's something like this:

Breakfast - Porridge or Oat cereal with a banana

Fruit snack mid morning

Lunch - Sandwich with low fat crisps and yoghurt or soup with 2 bits of toast and yoghurt

Healthy mid afternoon snack

Dinner - Not overly fussed about this but pasta and sauce or fish or something like that.

I'll make sure to drink plenty of water too as I will hopefully be breastfeeding and will need to keep hydrated.

Cravings - I really want to be crunching away on some crushed ice just like I did with Leo but unfortunately we don't have the ice dispenser hooked up so no ice. :o(

Boobs - these things are massive but I'm still in my normal bras. I do have 4 boobs though and they barely cover my nipples, but I'm still in them. I will switch to my bigger bras soon.

Spots - maybe it is to do with my appetite/eating but I have suddenly started to get lots of spots again. I usually get a few spots anyway but in recent weeks I haven't had any so I noticed them when they returned. Hopefully they will go again soon.

Swollen - now this is going to sound very strange but I'm sure this is pretty normal that my down below bits are a bit swollen. I think I remember having it with Ellis but not sure. It isn't uncomfortable or anything but just a bit weird. My legs, hands, feet, face and neck are definitely puffy. I have bad sock marks and my stringy bit as I call it from my big toe is slowly disappearing. Plus you can feel that your skin is being stretched. Oh the joys of pregnancy!

The boys - as the time of the new arrival is fast approaching I've become really aware that my chance to spend quality time with the 2 boys is diminishing very quickly and I'm feeling a little bit sad about it. I'm really trying my best to give them lots of attention and one on one time as soon Mummy time will have to be split again. Hopefully Daddy will take up the slack in the first couple of weeks so that I can settle into some sort of routine so that I can still spend good time with them as well as keep on top of everything else. I know this isn't going to be easy but I'll cope. I'll have to.

Done - I'm still pregnant and I already think that I'm done, as in 3 boys will be enough for me. As much as I would love to have a little girl, I don't think I can go through all this again for the very slight chance that it might happen. I've always said I wouldn't have children just to have a certain sex, and I stand by that. I would never say never though and it is just left open for now. Would have to see how it all works out anyway. I would want a slightly bigger gap too as I think my body needs a rest from pregnancy and/or breastfeeding, which it has been doing since October 2006! I will get rid of some stuff after this one. I will keep some special outfits and things but everything else can go.

32 weeks - In general I'm feeling good. Up and down emotionally, very paranoid and I feel like I'm not working hard enough on some of my friendships but I'm just very consumed with everything right now. It sounds like a rubbish excuse but I just can't fit everything in. That doesn't mean that I'm too busy doing other stuff it just means that I can't cope with it all. My brain is overloaded.

I really have a good waddle going on now and I'm aware of my posture changing to a slightly leaning back position. I try to hold myself up high, pull in those pesky muscles and walk with my knees sometimes knocking. Sounds mental right?

I feel like I'm nearly at the end but I do have almost 8 weeks left, but they are ticking by so quickly. I'm trying to cherish the pregnancy but to be totally honest, apart from the pain in my pelvis and the horrible kicks to my bladder, I haven't really had too much time to think about it. I really want to make sure that I bond with this baby quite quickly and that I don't just see him as a little machine to deal with in amongst what I usually do, if that makes sense. I want him to be part of everything and not just a new chore. That sounds terrible I know but I'm just worried about spreading the love. I'm sure it will be just fine.

I have seriously waffled on but I did say my list was rather long. I must admit I did add to it as I went along.

Feeling happy but disorganised. Once I'm sorted out I will feel a lot more settled. I think I remember going through a phase like this with both pregnancies. Worrying about being a good Mum, worrying about everything really.

Going to put my feet up now and switch off for a bit.

SULKING - 30 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

God I wish this baby would move as I can't stand having my bits kicked! It stings and is just generally not a very nice feeling to be having. I'm missing out on seeing the feet sticking out and stuff. Humf :o( I'm sulking.

We went swimming today which was ace and I loved taking the weight off my bones. I'm hoping to go again next week too if Rob doesn't mind. I am also hoping it will help to free up some space so that baby can move about a bit. Didn't work today but I have a few weeks left.

It's scary how quickly the time is passing now and I'm feeling so relaxed about it all that I have forgotten that I do actually need to get a few things ready. I am not prepared at all. I'm going to hopefully make a start tomorrow if Rob can take Leo food shopping with him again then I can crack on with moving some clothes around and getting Leo's room to be the nursery. Well, half nursery. He will still sleep in there but all the babies stuff will be in there as a base.

I have washing to do a few things to buy I'm sure. I know I need pads but can't remember which ones were the best, I need nappies, and I'm sure some other things so I better start making some lists.

Sharon still has the bath mat with a seat thing but I don't really need that back yet and Sally has the bouncy chair. I think she may still be using it though but will ask her nearer the time. I think she has some sleeping bags too but pretty sure I won't be needing them straight away either. It's really strange as I can't seem to remember anything! It's like I'm doing it all again for the first time. I don't remember feeling like this with Leo. I remember being really organised and knowing what I needed, what I had etc. Better get a move on before I start panicking about it. (Sally & Shazza if you so happen to read this, it isn't a hint, you know I would ask you anyway x)

Pelvis is quite bad most days now and I hobble, wobble, waddle around. Sometimes I can't get up from the floor so I have been trying to change Leo's nappy on the table, and getting them dressed stood on the sofa and things like that. I have been a bit naughty the last 2 day not wearing my stretchy bandage but I just needed a break from it. It will be back on tomorrow.

It is very, very painful to turn over in bed. I try not to do it but my hip starts to ache if I lie on it for too long and currently I have a rather sore left arm from my flu jab I had on Thursday, so sleeping well is a bit tricky at the moment. It isn't helped by Leo still waking up during the night. I try to ignore him but it doesn't work as I end up lying there awake listening to him. We have got into the habit of bringing him in with us which long term isn't going to work as Nugget will more than likely be bed sharing every now and then as I will feed lying down and snoozing, like I did with the other 2. It will be a bit of a squeeze with wriggly Leo in the bed too.

Speaking of Leo, I really don't think I have prepared him enough. I used to show Ellis pictures and explain it all to him, keep telling him that his baby brother was going to come out etc etc. Leo kisses and cuddles bump but I'm sure he has no idea what is in there. I need to at least have a go at explaining it to him a bit. Ellis seems to grasp the idea that a baby is in there and might need to be cut out as this rate rather than coming out my middle. And yes I did tell him that is where babies come out. I didn't see the harm and he wasn't phased by it at all.

Wish I could have a flash forward to the labour and delivery. Just to see how it goes and that everything is all right.

Starting AB classes on 18th Jan for sure and my antenatal group sessions start at the beginning of February and thankfully my ace mates, Sally & Charlotte have agreed to watch the boys for me so that I can go. Cheers guys xxx

Right that's me done. Off to bed at just gone 11pm, not good but Rob is on the early shift tomorrow, hurrah!

PUFFY - 27 WEEKS, 4 DAYS

This evening Rob has heard the heart beat, felt him moving and then tomorrow he will see him! How exciting.

I got out the shower tonight and noticed that my feet and legs are puffy. I suppose it is quite sudden but my shower was quite hot so I'm putting it down to that. A few hours have passed and they are still puffy so maybe that's just the way they will be now.

Feeling very tired at the moment but I have been very busy. I'm soldiering on like a trooper though. Well I think so anyway.

Getting excited/nervous about the scan tomorrow. Hope the weather isn't too bad but as least we have our 4x4 now so we should be okay. Will update on car soon.

Very late night again for me but I am having the lie in tomorrow which is great as I bet the kids will be in with us early anyway.

TECHNOLOGY - 27 WEEKS, 2 DAYS

Still haven't managed to work out how to put the videos on yet but will have another go on Friday when Rob is home to help me with stupid technology!

Nipples have started to sting in the last couple of days so I'm expecting them to start leaking soon.

Pain in leg is still there but I've been trying to ignore it and just getting on with it. It does feel quite muscular but was wondering if it could be a sign of a blood clot or something. I haven't checked for swelling which I suppose I should but leg colour seems fine so I'm sure its not. Sally's sister suffered really badly with a blood clot so its been brought to my attention recently. I wouldn't have given it a thought if it wasn't for that. Thankfully she is doing much better and last blood test was normal levels I believe, so YAY!

Rob keeps coming home from work, putting his hand on bump and going ah, I love it. It's so nice of him to do that and I know he isn't putting it on as such. It is a genuine feeling and it makes me feel nice as I feel like I don't particularly look nice. Every time I glance in a mirror, I never look properly, I see someone with a puffy white face, bags and just generally looking awful.

Nugget is still moving tons which is lush. Wish I could bottle the sensation and feelings you have when you feel it as the memories of this part seem to go very quickly. In fact its the biggest thing you miss when baby is out yet you can't remember what it feels like. Very strange.

Ellis rested his hand on my tummy earlier and left it there for a while which was nice. He didn't feel him move even though he did right under his hand, like father like son! I also showed him some newborn sized clothes in Sainsbury's today so that he could get some idea of how small he will be when he gets here.

Right off to do the other blog as I'm behind, again!

HAPPY HAPPY - 21 WEEKS, 1 DAY

This pregnancy is turning out to be quite different from the first 2, although I'm still sure it will be a boy.

I haven't had pelvis pain yet which is great and I'm really enjoying this pregnancy, not that I didn't the other 2 but they were just a lot harder, and I cried more feeling sorry for myself as it was just hurting so much all the time. I hope the lack of pain continues even though the stiffness and sharp stabbing pain in my arse cheek have arrived. I think that is do with the sciatic nerve.

Things are really busy at the moment and I'm pretty sure that will continue until after Christmas now, which is great but also I feel like I'm not giving enough thought to this pregnancy and this baby. I keep forgetting! How could I? I even tried laying on my tummy this evening while chatting to Ellis, and it wasn't until it hurt that I realised I'm squashing my lickle Nugget!

Speaking of Ellis, that is another thing that is making this pregnancy so great. He is so excited too! I'm getting to share it all with him, and he understands this time. Tonight he felt it kick for the first time and was so pleased. He was very gentle and really interested in what was going on. It's really nice talking to him about it all and I love it.

The movements are still really faint actually and really, really low down. I don't remember the kicking with the boys being so far down, like under my c-section scar. I've seen it kicking from the outside but right down low. I assume that is ok!?

Last time at this stage too, my scar was burning. This time I haven't had any problems with it which has been good. Probably because all the scar tissue was stretched with the Leo pregnancy.

Looking forward to the scan on Friday. Be good to see Nugget again and check that everything is proceeding how it should. I'm still not 100% on finding out the sex or not. I suppose it depends on if everything is ok first. Rob really wants to find out and I would like to, but I also want to feel how it feels when you find out at the end. I just can't decide completely.

Bump has suddenly really popped out! I'm wearing my one pair of fat jeans everyday now and they really could do with a wash but I have nothing else. I've bought some leggings but can't bring myself to put my tree trunks in them. I've also bought some jeans but they just pull my pants down every time I move. I hate not having nice fitting clothes. I buy stuff hoping it will fit properly later but never wear it! I do the same with the boys. I buy them clothes that I think they will grow into but then I forget I have them and by the time I remember they don't fit again! I'm all confused over clothes at the moment but I'll work something out. Would really just like one pair of decent fitting jeans!

I had a fair few people today tell me how big bump was suddenly looking. I think the fact that I haven't pooed in a few days and that they didn't see me for a week because of half term has made a difference.

Busting out of my bras. Lotty has leant me some so I need to try them on. If not I'm off to Perfect Fit to get some new ones. Going to treat myself.

Nervous about scan. Hopefully have some blurry pictures to post on the weekend. I say it like that because they seem to do crap 20 week pictures. I looked at Ellis' yesterday and his were brilliant (we were at a different hospital for Ellis scans). You can see them below.

Leo's were rubbish, in my opinion. They were £2 each too. This time they are £4 each! Not sure how many we will buy yet. You have to decide before you actually see the pictures so you could end up with 4 pictures of next to nothing.

Right, that's it! I'm shattered so off to bed for some rest before Ellis comes in saying he can't sleep. I really can't be bothered tonight so if he comes in, he can stay even though he just bugs me rather than going back to sleep.

4 MONTHS - 16 WEEKS

I told a lady today that I was 3 months pregnant. It then occurred to me that I'm 4 months gone! It is going by so quickly! Much quicker than the first 2.

I'm feeling fine, waking up with a bump now rather than a flabby belly but I can still lie on my stomach. I love having a bump and can't wait until it obvious that I'm carrying a baby in there and not just a few extra packet of crisps. Will need to do a bit of shopping though as all maternity clothes are summer stuff. Thin cotton t-shirts/vests and one pair of broken jeans.

Boobs are getting bigger and fuller which is great! I hate the saggy things I've been left with, but I can't stay pregnant forever. They do sting every now and then and I just put it down to a growing day.

Still really spotty. Most days I have new spots on my face. Don't seem to be getting them anywhere else.

Hair is staying cleaner for longer which is great as the other day I couldn't remember when I last washed it! How horrible is that.

I have my appointment with the physio soon but pelvis is so far, okay. Hope she says my tummy muscles are doing good too. I'm doing my exercises all the time.

I've just read back over my growing dollop diary and I was feeling Leo move at this stage. I'm certainly not feeling anything at the moment but will have a lie down in a bit and concentrate to see if I can feel it. I definitely felt flutters the other night but nothing much.

I will try and do my measurements tomorrow, in the morning. I know for sure I am over the weight by about 5lbs, but then again I started out at least 2lb heavier this time around.

I keep forgetting all the time! I was chucking Leo up and down this evening, which he loves by the way, but then I realised that I probably shouldn't be doing that. Also I play fight with the boys and we roll around the floor and they jump on me etc.. Very silly of me and I need to be careful.

Had a stressful few days. Been living up Mum and Dad's as the electricians were doing some work and making lots of mess. Rob was away working too so been feeling a bit alone, even though I wasn't of course. Mum and Dad were great. Dad slept on the floor and Ellis and I had his bed, and Mum gave up her getting ready room for Leo to sleep in and of course the boys are up early every morning. They were brill to just put us up like that, at such short notice too. Thank you so much xxx

My 16 week bump picture was taken by Ellis this week as Rob is away until Wednesday night so that will be too late really. I set the camera up on the tripod and he pressed the button. It didn't work that well really but I was just doing it quickly.

Pictures and figures to follow tomorrow as too tired today.

LUSH - 14 WEEKS, 4 DAYS

I have a baby growing in my belly and 2 gorgeous boys. It doesn't get much better than that! I am so happy to be pregnant again and to be expanding our family. It's going to be tough I know, but I have a great support system that will see me through and before I know it, I'll be a Grandma. I want to savour every moment of this pregnancy and every second of my boys lives.