TOUGH GOING - 3 WEEKS, 4 DAYS OLD

I really am trying to do blogging but it would seem that my evenings are going to be taken up with feeding, burping and changing. I can't type one handed so I'm just going to have to try and do some during the day, hence this entry which I'm manically trying to type out while Oscar is sleeping, Ellis is watching TV and Leo is in hospital with Daddy. Long story which will eventually be told.

So just to catch up, things are still manic at home. I'm recovering well but I have been over doing it recently and I'm achy and sore by the evening. I keep forgetting that I am recovering from surgery.

The health visitor phoned to arrange an appointment but then I had a further call a few days later to say that they had to rearrange it and it isn't until tomorrow now so I haven't seen anyone for ages now! I have no idea how heavy Oscar is.

So yes, he now has a name. Oscar Wallace, and we will be registering him tomorrow afternoon. I didn't force the issue with Rob, I just asked him to consider it and he said that I could have it. The middle name became an issue again but Rob eventually got bored of thinking about names so agreed Wallace too. I said if we have another baby, he can name it, unless it's a girl then I must have a say.

I'm working on my birth story and subsequent days in hospital but it's slow going and the entries are going to be massive!

I'm still rather large, 13st 2lbs yesterday and my normal weight is around 11st 7lbs so have a long way to go yet.

I managed to get my size 12 jeans on on Saturday. I really couldn't breathe, bend or sit down though and they wouldn't be comfortable to wear for a long time but it was a nice boost for me. That being said, my eating is terrible! I can't stop eating chocolate and cake etc. It's really not like me.

My hair hasn't started to fall out yet which is great and my bleeding stopped a couple of weeks ago which was really early I thought.

The scar is looking quite good. There is one area that hasn't healed yet but it's getting there. My belly is minging though and always will be.

I've put my wedding ring back on but it is still rather tight. Engagement ring will definitely not fit for a while yet. I'm not ready to diet or watch my eating. I just have too much on my mind to worry about it.

Rob went back to work, just for Thursday and Friday morning and my Mum came over to stay with us to help out, because I still can't lift Leo and I can't drive. It was great to have her here.

I slept on the sofa the night Mum was here. It actually worked really well as I didn't have to get in and out of bed to reach Oscar and I was really comfortable. I tried it Saturday night too but it don't go very well at all. Oscar just ate and ate and ate and wouldn't settle, not even on me. I think he may have been trying to increase my milk supply as I had none left on the night time but I have noticed that yesterday and today my boobs seem fuller. They will hopefully die down a bit soon.

Oscar is a very very windy baby and so I decided to give Infacol a go. It may do nothing but it makes me feel better that I'm doing something. He is screaming now because of wind and it makes things very tricky as in between feeds he doesn't really sleep soundly for any amount of time. It's still early days I know and I'm sure things will improve. You really do forget how hard the early days are.

Just having a newborn baby would be hard on it's own but we have Ellis and Leo too. The pressure has really been put on us recently with me having the section, Rob being ill, Leo and Ellis were ill then they got better, then when Mum was staying with me Ellis hurt his ankle and had to go to A&E then Leo fell from his stool and hit his head then started to be sick, so he went to A&E and has since been sick again so has gone back to A&E today! It all happens at once! Ellis is still limping away and running with his foot turned in, Rob is still at A&E as I type this but should shortly be coming home, I'm sore and achy from doing too much yesterday and today and Rob is struggling too. We seem to be quite up beat though considering everything.

I'm really not looking forward to Rob going back to work. It's going to be hard.

30 WEEKS PREGNANT

Every time I do a measurements blog entry I get totally confused! The main problem I have is that I didn't do 0 week measurements, only 17 week measurements, but I have been using a starting weight of 11st 10lbs to judge the weight gain. When I come to do the overall figures I am going from when I was 17 weeks upwards, but the weight is done from pre-pregnancy. See I can't even explain it properly!

Well here are the measurements and bump pictures:

Measurements with Nugget:

Weight = 13st 4lbs! Only 4lbs over Leo pregnancy weight! Very strange and only 4lbs put on since I was 25 weeks. Total overall gain so far - (+1st 8lbs!)

Tummy = 105cm (+11.5cm)

Upper arm = 29cm

Upper leg = 63.5cm (+2.5cm)

Ankle = 24.5cm (+.5cm)

Neck = 34.5cm (+1.5cm)

Measurements with Leo:

Weight = 13st
Tummy = 104cm
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 61.5cm
Ankle = 24cm
Neck = 33cm

Bump picture while pregnant with Ellis.

I really struggled to believe that I was 30 weeks pregnant today. I had to keep checking and I didn't believe it each time. I'm really starting to feel quite big and I have a good waddle going now. Pelvis has been poor for 2 days now and I'm only hoping that it improves a bit as I still have another 10 weeks of growing to do!

I'm surprised that I have only gained 4lbs in 5 weeks, especially over the Christmas period but I have been quite ill at times and haven't really been eating as much as I would usually. I'm sure I will make up for it now I'm starting to feel better.

I have my flu jab on Thursday. Hopefully it will stop me becoming ill again before baby arrives as I still have so much sorting out to do.

Hopefully starting AB classes again soon. I can't go on the 11th as I have a committee meeting but I am hoping to start the following Tuesday. I really need to get my head in gear.

I think baby still isn't head down, but what do I know. My bladder takes a pounding every day, so unless his feet are up by his head, I'm guessing he is the wrong way around still.

Baby at 30 weeks.

The baby's lungs and digestive tract are almost fully developed. While the baby may soon slow up growing in length, (he measures about 15.7 inches/ 40 centimetres from crown to toe by now), he will continue to gain weight until he's born.

This week the baby continues to open and shut his eyes. He can probably see what's going on in utero, distinguish light from dark and even track a light source. If you shine a light on your stomach, the baby may move his head to follow the light or even reach out to touch the moving glow. Some researchers think baring your stomach to light stimulates visual development. But don't expect 20/20 vision when the baby is born -- newborns can see a distance of only about 8 to 12 inches/ 20 to 30 centimetres. (Children with normal vision don't reach 20/20 vision until about age 7 to 9.) To complete the picture, your baby now has eyebrows and eyelashes.

A pint and a half/ around a litre of amniotic fluid now surrounds the baby but that volume decreases as he gets bigger and has less room in your uterus. As you and the baby continue to grow, don't be alarmed if you feel as if you can't get enough air, it's just your uterus pressing against your diaphragm.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. At about 34 weeks (or just before birth, if this is your second or third pregnancy), your baby's head will move down into your pelvis as the baby gets into the right position for birth. That will make breathing and eating a lot easier.

1ST SCAN PIC - 13 WEEKS

I'm feeling really happy. We have announced to everyone that I can think of and everyone has had positive comments which has been nice.

I'm still constantly hungry but yesterday I had a bad tummy so only ate my meal at lunch and then I was done. I did have an apple to see if that would help.

I'm still surprised by how big I'm getting and how quickly. I think I need to sort my diet out or I'm going to end up huge again which wasn't good.

Pelvis is really good. I get a bit of burning sometimes but other than that, it isn't even clicking. Quite pleased about that. Maybe the fact that I'm not doing line dancing has helped.

The main questions everyone asks me are, was it planned and do you mind what sex it is? Well obviously the first question is yes it was very much planned but I think we were both very shocked with how quickly we did it. Happy obviously but surprised.

And the other question is simply no. I really don't mind this time. It's strange as with Leo I really wanted it to be a girl and I was a bit upset when they said boy. I can honestly say that I won't be disappointed at all if it is another boy and I'm already convinced it is anyway. I am almost considering not finding out so that we can have another surprise at the end. I think I might be a bit too impatient for that though, plus I would have to convince Rob too as he wants to find out. 7 weeks to decide.

I have another scan and consultant appointment tomorrow which I will blog about later. But for now here is one picture of Nugget and a short video of the folks finding out. This is a private blog with invitees only so I'm sure Mum won't mind.

CHECKING IN

Apart from the ever expanding waist line, being pissy, tired and groggy all the time, I'm not really having any symptoms!

The weight is going on big time! My whole mental attitude towards food and eating changes drastically as soon as I receive that positive test result. I switch from diet coke to full fat, I buy full fat micro meals, crisp intake increases, I start to eat chocolate and actually look forward to having a dessert, I eat sweets, finish off the kids food and just generally eat a hell of a lot more than I normally do. No wonder I'm going to pack on the pounds! It's strange cause I get sad about getting too big but I don't do anything about it.

Touch wood, no pelvis issues yet, which is a good sign.

I had my checking in appointment with Judith last Tuesday and I now have my orange book! It was such a long appointment. I had left Ellis with my Mummy friends at the soft play and told them I was going across the road for a doctors appointment at 3:30. I left at 3:10 and didn't return until 4:40pm!! I had sent them a couple of text messages saying that the doctors were running late etc so I think they bought it. Time will tell.

The appointment went ok. Leo was screaching for most of it. The bloody student kept faffing with the computer and it just took forever! They had 3 attempts to take my blood too. I told the student where the vein was and where the best place was to insert the needle but she did it about 2cms too low. Then Judith had a go and she was too far left so eventually they listened to me and got it. Good job I don't care about needles.

Judith mentioned the previous c-section and the fact that I will never forgive them or let them forget how they messed up with Ellis, and she is right.

I made a fuss about being in a normal room at the hospital and Judith booked me into the Birthing Suite to see if we could get away with it.

I asked to be referred to the Physio lady again as I want to get a head start on the stomach muscle issue but she said I had to attend a class at the surgery first before I could be referred. Again I kicked up a fuss and said that the lady knows me, I saw her during pregnancy and for 6 months after so I'm pretty sure me attending an hour class telling me what exercises I need to do isn't actually going to help me. She backed down and said she would refer me. Good job I know what I'm talking about and I don't mind speaking up and asking for it.

I told her we were moving house and she said that I could stay with her or move to Marcia. I really would like to have Marcia because I like her but Judith knows me, and knows what I want and how much I want it. I think it may be best to stick with her as much as it pains me to admit that. Must give it some more thought. I have time, my next appointment isn't until the end of Sept.

Received my scan date letter today which isn't until 7th Sept! I can't wait another 3 + weeks to tell my folks. Hopefully going to get an Oscar scan booked in before that but with the house move on the 27th, not sure how we can fit it all in.

Struggling a bit at the moment. Boys are playing up, a lot, and it's really taking its toll on me. I just can't seem to cope with it at the moment. Hopefully things will get better once the move has been done and Ellis is settled back into going to pre-school. It will give me a little bit of a break too.

Going to be needing a lot of child care over the coming months. I hope my friends don't desert me as I really need them right now.

TARGET

Due to the fact that I have been unwell I haven't been eating properly and I lost a few pounds. This morning I got on the scales and I was at target weight of 11st 7lbs. Strangely I wasn't all that pleased as I have now started eating again and I know it will all go on again and I'll be 12st again before I know it. It's up to me I know but I just don't have the will power at the moment.

Boobs still stinging quite a bit. Not my whole boob but just mainly the nipple. I think it's just because my milk is finally drying up and nothing else.

Due on next week ish. My cycle is all over the place, which I'm not used to so I suppose I just wait and wait.

THANK GOD!

Period now finished thank God. It was a horrible one. Hopefully I'm all cleared out and ready to have a baby in there now. Just need to get on with it I suppose. Working out any type of cycle is just going to be impossible so I might do the temperature thing and just keep an eye on my discharge.

On Thursday I saw Mum and she did her usual question of "not having any more?" and I had to really talk it up that I was going to get rid of the stuff etc. and that I was happy just being the 2 boys and that things were easier now and that I was just going to get on with living and not creating more life. I don't want to lie to her but I would like her to have a nice surprise.

I so want to tell everyone!

Feeling really down about my body size/shape. Need to just bite the bullet and get on with my diet and exercise now! I'm just finding it so hard. I'll get there in the end.

Still not sleeping well, not sure why really but it is really effecting me. Hopefully get a good night tonight but I doubt it as it is already quite late and I have to wait for Rob to get home from my Mum and Dad's to let him in.

Fingers crossed that this is the month. Will be tricky to hide if we do as I have a hen weekend and 3 weddings to get through but I could do it.

WET BLANKET

I was still in doubt until this morning! Period has officially arrived and it is horrid. Very painful and heavy almost immediately. Something was definitely odd this month but ah well. I've sort of stopped doing my head in about it. Well every now and then anyway.

Last night I was still thinking there could be a possibility, even after I saw a little bit of bright pink blood when I went to the loo. Could have just been some spotting? Well I am without doubt today and I'm pissy as hell!

Had a rough start really. Kids were playing up to my bad mood which always makes things that much worse. Ellis is in pre-school now and Leo is in bed so I'm having a sit down to write this. Then I'm going to go and scrub the windows I think.

I now have more time to sort out my eating and exercise and do measurements and weight etc

I really should stop complaining. I've had it easy in the past compaired to some and I do have 2 healthy, happy boys. I sound like such a wet blanket. SNAP OUT OF IT!

Rob has been really good about it. He has been giving me cuddles and phoned me a minute ago to ask how I was doing, which was nice.

I have now realised that I am unable to be relaxed and not worry, and not count days, and not find out when I'm ovulating etc. It just isn't possible for me and I clearly won't be able to relax until I see a little heart beat on the 12 week scan! NUTS!

I'm so excited about adding to our brood. I wasn't sure I was ready but I am now. I've done a lot of thinking over the last couple weeks and I can't wait to have another baby. I may have to though.

DENIAL

I wonder how long I can leave it before doing a test?! How long can I keep denying it!? I really can't believe it if I am. It's crazy. One quicky at the end of my cycle and duddah!

Obviously that would be amazing and I am truly blessed to be able to get pregnant just like that when I know so many others struggle. I read a lot of infertility blogs and I really feel for them. I sort of understand why they feel so guilty now when they do get pregnant and get scared of announcing it so as not to upset their fellow blog readers. It's a tricky one.

I was thinking in the shower last night (which is where I do the most thinking) and I was suddenly feeling really guilty. I felt sorry for Ellis and Leo. They will have to share Mummy even more and I felt like I missed a bit of Ellis growing up when Leo was born as I was struggling to cope with a new baby. I don't want to miss a moment of them growing up! What will be different this time? It will be hard but I think it wont be as big a shock as going from one to two. With Rob still being away 3 nights a week will make things that bit harder and we still haven't found a house we like. There is just nothing coming on! I'm sure it will all work out.

I weighed this morning. Not happy at all. I was 11st 12lbs. 5lbs over my target weight! Rob has set up running machine now so hopefully will start on that soon.

CRAPPY

Feeling really horrid. Gut ache and just generally feeling sick. Didn't get much sleep last night so that wouldn't help. I really thought I could be relaxed about the whole thing third time around but I just can't stop thinking about it all.

I'm not happy about my body right now. Rather than doing something about it though, I just ate cake! I'm an idiot.

MIGHT BE?

I might be pregnant! How crazy is that! Basically we started trying for Nugget earlier than originally planned. I just thought I'm right at the end of my cycle, what are the chances!? I suppose it only takes one time. Time will tell. Very excited if I am.

I haven't taken a 0 week picture for a few reasons. Obviously we have already started trying and I haven't taken one yet but I will do. I'm just really disappointed in myself. I haven't got rid of my baby weight from Leo yet which I'm not happy about. I know it's down to me to do and I did get within 3/4 lbs of my target weight but then I just put it all back on. Still have 1/2 a stone to go to target weight. I wanted to do measurements like last time as a comparison but I'm not sure I want to see the differences.

I finished feeding Leo a while ago now and my milk has dried up which is strange as they have been leaking since I first got pregnant with Ellis in 2006! My boobs aren't what they once were and I don't like them but Rob does so that's good. They are still the same size but certainly not the same shape.

My biggest worry is the size of my flabby belly. Fat and skin. And the skin is horrible as it is covered in stretch marks. Not a pleasant sight and I suppose I should try and get used to it.

Really looking forward to being pregnant again and who knows in 2 weeks time I might be! I really don't think so though. I don't think I'm going to bother working out my ovulation dates and stuff this time. I might just leave it to fate. See what happens. I don't want to be living my life by a monthly cycle and getting my hopes up all the time. I also don't want my thoughts taken over with am I or aren't I etc.

Most people will be surprised I think although those closest to me probably won't be. Charlotte hasn't been convinced by my crappy lies about not having any more babies and there are quite a few people that know we are going for a 3rd. Most of the AB girls know, my yoga lot and Caroline. That's quite a lot really. I won't tell them I'm actually pregnant though until I've told family and a few other important people in my life.

I keep thinking I would like to do things different this time. Not calculating my ovulation dates is one already, not telling anyone is different too. Also I thought I might do the test on my own and then tell Rob in a nice way, some how. Or I might not tell anyone and just wait for bump to tell everyone. I wonder how far along I could get before anyone asks? Not long with a gut my size already.

My last period came and went with no problems. It wasn't heavy or that painful which was good.

I was starting to get a bit impatient with waiting until the end of May but now that we have brought it forward a bit I'm okay. I think due date if we were successful this month would be early February. Not sure and I'm not going to be doing that every month either. Plus I have loads of events and things coming up this summer that I will need to make sure if I'm pregnant or not before I go. I have a hen weekend, a pre hen night, 2 weddings etc etc.

Today I went shopping and I bought a dress for the weddings! I'm really stupid as I might not be fitting them in 2 months time so I'm going to have to take them back and going shopping nearer the time.

It's all good though and I'm feeling rather positive about it all. Yes it will be very hard, extremely hard even, but I think the shock of going from 1-2 kids is going to be far greater than just adding to the bunch. Bring it on!

PERIOD FINISHED

I weighed tonight, after dinner and I was 11st 13lb so hopefully in the morning I'll be less than that. The diet is going really well apart from today as I have eaten loads of Easter egg, but generally speaking I am finding it easier. I don't think about it all day and I'm not eating stuff just for the sake of it. I'm pleased about that as now I know my weight will steadily start to go down and I will feel happier about it.

My first period has now finished. The first 3 days were horrible but after that it was fine. Not looking forward to the next one.

I said to Rob today, "should we just start this month?", I was only kidding though as my due date if we were successful would be 2nd January 2011 and I think that is way too close to Christmas.

I really can't wait to be pregnant again, and to go through that whole experience. I hope everything runs smoothly. Of course I am worried about coping with 3 but I'm sure it will be fine. Ellis will be that bit older and will be going to pre-school at least 3 days a week and depending on when baby is born, Leo will be in pre-school not long after etc. I think it will be fine, hard, but fine.

AGREED

Well it has been talked about and agreed to try for another baby. It's so exciting and I don't feel scared at all. I'm sure I will when and if the time comes. Basically I asked Rob to read my last entry and then said, well? He said he was still up for it.

So today I took my last pill for hopefully a very long time. I have 3 months to get fitter, loose the rest of the baby weight and take folic acid, which reminds me that I need to buy some.

I have broken my finger at the moment so it may be a bit hard to get too physical with any type of fitness but I will start soon.

I'm also going to start weaning Leo on to a bottle tomorrow so that I can get my periods back and start working out my cycle.

It may take us a bit longer than last time because Rob is away during the week. 4 nights a week, and not in a row, may make conceiving a bit trickier, but time will tell

I've still been putting people off the idea that we will have any more and I find people's responses quite funny. Some blatantly don't believe me, others say they think I would be stupid to have any more because of Rob being away etc, some think 2 is enough, and loads more.

I know life will be crazy hard for a few years but I just think about what it will be like when they are all a bit older. I can't wait for crazy Christmas and birthday parties, great family holidays etc etc.

Pregnancy certainly takes its toll on my body and I'm really not looking forward to all the aches and pains that come along with carrying a baby. I will get through it though. I can't wait to feel the baby move and to see what it looks like when it arrives.

Trying very hard to keep this diary brief for now.

DIET 2

12st this morning. Only 7 lbs to go. Was supposed to be going to circuit training tonight but had a bad night with the boys and an early start so maybe I'll stay home and work out on the Wii Fit.

I forgot to take my pill yesterday. Doh! Sent Rob a text to let him know as I don't want to be accused of accidentally on purpose getting pregnant. I'm a planner and that wouldn't be a good plan.

DIET

Right that is it! Got on the scales this morning, 12st 5lb! Can't believe it, but I suppose I should have expected it seeing as I can't stop stuffing my face.

I'm going to really start trying to cut down and to eat some good food for a change. Watch this space!