1ST PERIOD

I have been thinking about doing this entry for days. I have so much I want to note down but feel that it might go on a bit too long.

Recently Leo has been playing up while I have been trying to feed him so I decided to stop feeding him. I didn't feed him for one day, and the following morning my period started. It's horrid! I forgot! I haven't had one since August 2008. The period arriving is also a good thing as I can work out my cycle now.

Since starting my period my appetite has diminished but I am still 12st. I have been eating a lot better recently so I will hopefully keep up the good work and get my weight down a bit. The main thing is I really need to be doing some exercise. I just can't find the extra energy to do it. I sort of have the motivation. I mean getting pregnant again should be a big kick up the bum, but actually I just think, well I'm going to get big again anyway. Plus I still don't think it has really hit me that we are going to be doing it all again.

My body right now disgusts me. I'm fat and flabby, with horrible stretch marks and a big bag of skin. After having Ellis it wasn't like this. I think the fact that I had a previous c-section which I'm sure affected my stomach muscles, which made me have diastasis recti, has made the left over baby bump that much more flabby. I really need to move my fat dimply arse and get fit, and soon.

A funny story about my folic acid. I keep it on top of the unit in the en-suite, and the other day my Mum went looking around the house for some pain killers and she found some on top of the unit. She must have seen the packet and box but I'm not sure she would have put 2 and 2 together. She didn't say anything to me either which I am sure she would have if she thought I was thinking of getting pregnant again.

A few people know about baby number 3, one of them being Sophie who I met in my active birthing group with Leo. It is really nice to be able to chat about it all with someone. She was over last Friday and we had a good old natter about it and I was getting quite excited about it again.

I'm sure most of my friends will think I'm totally mental, and I think I may be for at least the first few years but in the long run it will be wicked. It will be tough going but worth it all.

I have already been thinking ahead to coming events to see how I may have to get around them. Like parties and hen do's, wedding etc etc. In recent months I've been drinking so it will be quite tricky to suddenly not be. We will see. Rob and I certainly aren't in a rush to get pregnant this time so it could take a while longer than the last 2 times. With Rob being away it will likely take longer anyway.

Right I'll stop now. I kept it very brief and not really from the heart as there was a lot more I wanted to express but it doesn't matter.

AGREED

Well it has been talked about and agreed to try for another baby. It's so exciting and I don't feel scared at all. I'm sure I will when and if the time comes. Basically I asked Rob to read my last entry and then said, well? He said he was still up for it.

So today I took my last pill for hopefully a very long time. I have 3 months to get fitter, loose the rest of the baby weight and take folic acid, which reminds me that I need to buy some.

I have broken my finger at the moment so it may be a bit hard to get too physical with any type of fitness but I will start soon.

I'm also going to start weaning Leo on to a bottle tomorrow so that I can get my periods back and start working out my cycle.

It may take us a bit longer than last time because Rob is away during the week. 4 nights a week, and not in a row, may make conceiving a bit trickier, but time will tell

I've still been putting people off the idea that we will have any more and I find people's responses quite funny. Some blatantly don't believe me, others say they think I would be stupid to have any more because of Rob being away etc, some think 2 is enough, and loads more.

I know life will be crazy hard for a few years but I just think about what it will be like when they are all a bit older. I can't wait for crazy Christmas and birthday parties, great family holidays etc etc.

Pregnancy certainly takes its toll on my body and I'm really not looking forward to all the aches and pains that come along with carrying a baby. I will get through it though. I can't wait to feel the baby move and to see what it looks like when it arrives.

Trying very hard to keep this diary brief for now.

ONLY 10 DAYS!

I have so much that I want to write about but I'm aware that I wanted to keep these blog entries short and sweet, well short anyway.

My periods haven't yet returned and I'm putting that down to the fact that I'm still feeding Leo 3 times a day. I certainly get a lot of the old pains down there but nothing to show for it.

I keep accidentally forgetting to take my pill or taking it late. Our sex life isn't exactly at its greatest so I'm not too worried and always tell Rob when I have missed one as like I said before I don't want to be accused of anything untoward.

I have been trying, not too hard, to put people off of the idea that I will be having any more children. I'm quite sure that no one believes me but ah well.

All of the trying to put people off was actually starting to put me off too! I have been having a huge struggle with Ellis recently and I have found it all too much at times. To even consider adding to my work load seemed insane, but as soon as I have a good day I just know that I want more.

I really need to talk to Rob about it all again but there just never seems to be a good time at the moment. Basically if we want a similar age gap between Leo and Nugget, we would need to start trying at the end of May, which would mean coming off my pill and starting folic acid at the end of this month! That's only 10 days away!

I really wanted to improve my fitness before hand but I just don't have the time or energy for it at the moment. My weight remains around 12st but I'm sure in 3 months I could have that down to 11st 7lbs. Once we have decided a time we are going to start trying, then I will have a goal. I work so much better when I have an aim.

Would really love to move house now. I would love bigger rooms for the boys, a room for all the computer rubbish and a nicer garden by the summer. We are looking but nothing has really grabbed us. I'm quite excited about moving.

That's it for now. I have loads more I want to put but feeling a bit too tired now.

IT'S NOT WORKING!

I don't think putting people off the scent is actually working.

Met up with my Mummy group on Friday night and I mentioned about Sharon having another one and she said that she thought it would more likely be me and then Charlotte started to say that she thinks I will still have another, even though I have said I wont. She doesn't believe me. None of them would be surprised if we had another. They would all think we were completely mental though.

I think my parents are also not so sure. They both keep dropping hints into conversations about Leo being the last baby in the family etc. We will see, he might be as we haven't definitely decided yet.

I so need to start getting myself fit and ready. The diet starts again tomorrow and I'm hoping to go to circuit training on Wednesday but I'm actually starting to think that that may be a bit too much to start with and perhaps I should try something a little calmer to start with. Mainly because my pelvis still isn't that great and my stomach muscles from the diastase recti are dodgy too. Not sure.

If we were going to plan to have a similar age gap to Leo and Ellis we would need to start trying around 1st June. So that is the date. I would need to start folic acid and come off my pill 3 months before that. Also I am still breast feeding 3/4 times a day so my periods haven't come back yet, not sure what to do about that. Although saying that, this week I had some funny discharge and I have been having a lot of cramping pains and bad back etc so maybe I'm having a period but with nothing to show for it. I kind of remember that happening last time. I may start to give Leo a bottle for 1 feed and see if that makes any difference. I don't really want them to come back but I would be good to know that my body is working okay etc.

I enjoy keeping a diary. It's nice to get rid of some of these secret thoughts. I'm so excited and always planning in my head for it all, how will I tell people?, how long could I keep it secret?, would I find out what sex it is?, how long will it take to conceive this time?, will everything go smoothly like Ellis and Leo?, so many questions!

We haven't spoken about it again since Christmas and I don't know how Rob feels about it all at the moment. He hasn't mentioned it and he did say that "if" we are going to do it, we should just get on with it. What does that mean? Now or later?

A few days ago I did ask him if he wanted to have another child with me. He said that he did. I wanted to make sure he wouldn't just do it for me as I would hate to think that he wasn't 100% happy with the idea. It's a HUGE commitment.

Time will tell.