LEG CRAMP

In each pregnancy I've suffered with cramp in my legs. Today I have had cramp on and off and it reminds me of what it was like. Could it be another symptom, along with stinging boobs and being able to cry at the drop of a hat, or is it just my stupid hormones playing tricks on me? Still a week before I find out unless the dreaded blob arrives earlier than last month. I'm on day 29.

I recently found out that a good friend of mine just had her 2nd missed miscarriage. She found out at a scan, ouch! It really isn't very nice and that is now 2 friends, having 2 miscarriages within months. I do obviously think that could be me too, even more this time. I've been so incredibly lucky. 2 positive pregnancy tests and 2 baby boys. Keeping my fingers crossed for a third soon please.

I have really been thinking a lot about if we are to find out the sex of the baby or not. I say and think that I don't really mind what we have. A girl would be lush but a boy would be great too. We wouldn't have to buy a thing for a boy and I have so much stuff! I just don't know if I could wait the whole 9/10 months to find out. I think I would feel very unprepared. Will have to wait and see.

BAD

This is not a good period. So painful and heavy. I want it finished, now.

PERIOD PAINS

Been getting such horrible period type pains today. Not nice. The thing is, I'm not due on until Sunday, maybe Monday so bit early to be getting pains and my discharge is still normal too. A bit more than normal I suppose though. How strange. I'm not reading into things, honest!

IT'S NOT WORKING!

I don't think putting people off the scent is actually working.

Met up with my Mummy group on Friday night and I mentioned about Sharon having another one and she said that she thought it would more likely be me and then Charlotte started to say that she thinks I will still have another, even though I have said I wont. She doesn't believe me. None of them would be surprised if we had another. They would all think we were completely mental though.

I think my parents are also not so sure. They both keep dropping hints into conversations about Leo being the last baby in the family etc. We will see, he might be as we haven't definitely decided yet.

I so need to start getting myself fit and ready. The diet starts again tomorrow and I'm hoping to go to circuit training on Wednesday but I'm actually starting to think that that may be a bit too much to start with and perhaps I should try something a little calmer to start with. Mainly because my pelvis still isn't that great and my stomach muscles from the diastase recti are dodgy too. Not sure.

If we were going to plan to have a similar age gap to Leo and Ellis we would need to start trying around 1st June. So that is the date. I would need to start folic acid and come off my pill 3 months before that. Also I am still breast feeding 3/4 times a day so my periods haven't come back yet, not sure what to do about that. Although saying that, this week I had some funny discharge and I have been having a lot of cramping pains and bad back etc so maybe I'm having a period but with nothing to show for it. I kind of remember that happening last time. I may start to give Leo a bottle for 1 feed and see if that makes any difference. I don't really want them to come back but I would be good to know that my body is working okay etc.

I enjoy keeping a diary. It's nice to get rid of some of these secret thoughts. I'm so excited and always planning in my head for it all, how will I tell people?, how long could I keep it secret?, would I find out what sex it is?, how long will it take to conceive this time?, will everything go smoothly like Ellis and Leo?, so many questions!

We haven't spoken about it again since Christmas and I don't know how Rob feels about it all at the moment. He hasn't mentioned it and he did say that "if" we are going to do it, we should just get on with it. What does that mean? Now or later?

A few days ago I did ask him if he wanted to have another child with me. He said that he did. I wanted to make sure he wouldn't just do it for me as I would hate to think that he wasn't 100% happy with the idea. It's a HUGE commitment.

Time will tell.