NO PILL

The first day of not taking my pill. It feels strange. I keep seeing the packet in the window and go to take it and then realise that I'm not any more and that I will soon be trying for a baby. Very strange.

Leo had his first bottle of formula feed today. I had to warm it up but he done in 4oz and then I topped him up. He did really well seeing as he hasn't had a bottle for ages and has never had formula before. Not sure if I will do the afternoon feed in a bottle or not yet. I have an hour to decide.

I weighed this morning and I am still 12st. I'm not worried, I'm eating okay and as soon as my finger feels better I will do some exercise. I think stopping breastfeeding will also help, it did last time anyway.

The only people who know for sure that Rob and I are going to try for another baby are my yoga girls. I tell them everything and they are a pretty good sounding board, if that is the right phrase. There is the potential that 3 of us may be pregnant at the same time again which will be wicked.

I was sorting out the washing yesterday and there was loads! I said to Rob "imagine what it will be like when the next one is here!". It didn't feel weird at all, quite natural in fact. I will also need another clothes horse!

Another thing happened yesterday, we were on our way home from Rob's Mum's after having had lunch there and I said to him that I was stopping the pill tomorrow and he said why! That man loves to wind people up, mainly me. He smiled and I said you still up for it and have we agreed, to which he replied yes we have agreed. I'm sure he wouldn't any way, but I wouldn't want him to have more children just because of me. I think he would have certainly put up a fight if he wasn't sure etc. I really don't want to have that argument in the future when I'm moaning about how hard it is for him to then say, "well it was you that wanted another one!".

AGREED

Well it has been talked about and agreed to try for another baby. It's so exciting and I don't feel scared at all. I'm sure I will when and if the time comes. Basically I asked Rob to read my last entry and then said, well? He said he was still up for it.

So today I took my last pill for hopefully a very long time. I have 3 months to get fitter, loose the rest of the baby weight and take folic acid, which reminds me that I need to buy some.

I have broken my finger at the moment so it may be a bit hard to get too physical with any type of fitness but I will start soon.

I'm also going to start weaning Leo on to a bottle tomorrow so that I can get my periods back and start working out my cycle.

It may take us a bit longer than last time because Rob is away during the week. 4 nights a week, and not in a row, may make conceiving a bit trickier, but time will tell

I've still been putting people off the idea that we will have any more and I find people's responses quite funny. Some blatantly don't believe me, others say they think I would be stupid to have any more because of Rob being away etc, some think 2 is enough, and loads more.

I know life will be crazy hard for a few years but I just think about what it will be like when they are all a bit older. I can't wait for crazy Christmas and birthday parties, great family holidays etc etc.

Pregnancy certainly takes its toll on my body and I'm really not looking forward to all the aches and pains that come along with carrying a baby. I will get through it though. I can't wait to feel the baby move and to see what it looks like when it arrives.

Trying very hard to keep this diary brief for now.

DIET 2

12st this morning. Only 7 lbs to go. Was supposed to be going to circuit training tonight but had a bad night with the boys and an early start so maybe I'll stay home and work out on the Wii Fit.

I forgot to take my pill yesterday. Doh! Sent Rob a text to let him know as I don't want to be accused of accidentally on purpose getting pregnant. I'm a planner and that wouldn't be a good plan.

IT'S NOT WORKING!

I don't think putting people off the scent is actually working.

Met up with my Mummy group on Friday night and I mentioned about Sharon having another one and she said that she thought it would more likely be me and then Charlotte started to say that she thinks I will still have another, even though I have said I wont. She doesn't believe me. None of them would be surprised if we had another. They would all think we were completely mental though.

I think my parents are also not so sure. They both keep dropping hints into conversations about Leo being the last baby in the family etc. We will see, he might be as we haven't definitely decided yet.

I so need to start getting myself fit and ready. The diet starts again tomorrow and I'm hoping to go to circuit training on Wednesday but I'm actually starting to think that that may be a bit too much to start with and perhaps I should try something a little calmer to start with. Mainly because my pelvis still isn't that great and my stomach muscles from the diastase recti are dodgy too. Not sure.

If we were going to plan to have a similar age gap to Leo and Ellis we would need to start trying around 1st June. So that is the date. I would need to start folic acid and come off my pill 3 months before that. Also I am still breast feeding 3/4 times a day so my periods haven't come back yet, not sure what to do about that. Although saying that, this week I had some funny discharge and I have been having a lot of cramping pains and bad back etc so maybe I'm having a period but with nothing to show for it. I kind of remember that happening last time. I may start to give Leo a bottle for 1 feed and see if that makes any difference. I don't really want them to come back but I would be good to know that my body is working okay etc.

I enjoy keeping a diary. It's nice to get rid of some of these secret thoughts. I'm so excited and always planning in my head for it all, how will I tell people?, how long could I keep it secret?, would I find out what sex it is?, how long will it take to conceive this time?, will everything go smoothly like Ellis and Leo?, so many questions!

We haven't spoken about it again since Christmas and I don't know how Rob feels about it all at the moment. He hasn't mentioned it and he did say that "if" we are going to do it, we should just get on with it. What does that mean? Now or later?

A few days ago I did ask him if he wanted to have another child with me. He said that he did. I wanted to make sure he wouldn't just do it for me as I would hate to think that he wasn't 100% happy with the idea. It's a HUGE commitment.

Time will tell.