BIG - 26 WEEKS, 6 DAYS

Been feeling fine. I did slip on Ellis' rug last night and pulled my pelvis but it seems to have got better as the day has gone on which is great news.

Feeling tons of kicks and movement now but it is all still very low down. I've convinced myself already that this baby will be breach. I don't know why, I just have. Will try and convince Judith (midwife) to give me a late scan to double check.

Looking forward to the 4d scan next week but a little bit nervous too. It will be very strange seeing our baby's face.

Saw Naomi on Friday night and she hardly has a bump! I'm so massive in comparison to her and I'm a lot taller so you would think she would show more too. Hopefully the scan will be able to show if the size of the baby is okay for this stage.

Loving being pregnant.

DENIAL

I wonder how long I can leave it before doing a test?! How long can I keep denying it!? I really can't believe it if I am. It's crazy. One quicky at the end of my cycle and duddah!

Obviously that would be amazing and I am truly blessed to be able to get pregnant just like that when I know so many others struggle. I read a lot of infertility blogs and I really feel for them. I sort of understand why they feel so guilty now when they do get pregnant and get scared of announcing it so as not to upset their fellow blog readers. It's a tricky one.

I was thinking in the shower last night (which is where I do the most thinking) and I was suddenly feeling really guilty. I felt sorry for Ellis and Leo. They will have to share Mummy even more and I felt like I missed a bit of Ellis growing up when Leo was born as I was struggling to cope with a new baby. I don't want to miss a moment of them growing up! What will be different this time? It will be hard but I think it wont be as big a shock as going from one to two. With Rob still being away 3 nights a week will make things that bit harder and we still haven't found a house we like. There is just nothing coming on! I'm sure it will all work out.

I weighed this morning. Not happy at all. I was 11st 12lbs. 5lbs over my target weight! Rob has set up running machine now so hopefully will start on that soon.

1ST PERIOD

I have been thinking about doing this entry for days. I have so much I want to note down but feel that it might go on a bit too long.

Recently Leo has been playing up while I have been trying to feed him so I decided to stop feeding him. I didn't feed him for one day, and the following morning my period started. It's horrid! I forgot! I haven't had one since August 2008. The period arriving is also a good thing as I can work out my cycle now.

Since starting my period my appetite has diminished but I am still 12st. I have been eating a lot better recently so I will hopefully keep up the good work and get my weight down a bit. The main thing is I really need to be doing some exercise. I just can't find the extra energy to do it. I sort of have the motivation. I mean getting pregnant again should be a big kick up the bum, but actually I just think, well I'm going to get big again anyway. Plus I still don't think it has really hit me that we are going to be doing it all again.

My body right now disgusts me. I'm fat and flabby, with horrible stretch marks and a big bag of skin. After having Ellis it wasn't like this. I think the fact that I had a previous c-section which I'm sure affected my stomach muscles, which made me have diastasis recti, has made the left over baby bump that much more flabby. I really need to move my fat dimply arse and get fit, and soon.

A funny story about my folic acid. I keep it on top of the unit in the en-suite, and the other day my Mum went looking around the house for some pain killers and she found some on top of the unit. She must have seen the packet and box but I'm not sure she would have put 2 and 2 together. She didn't say anything to me either which I am sure she would have if she thought I was thinking of getting pregnant again.

A few people know about baby number 3, one of them being Sophie who I met in my active birthing group with Leo. It is really nice to be able to chat about it all with someone. She was over last Friday and we had a good old natter about it and I was getting quite excited about it again.

I'm sure most of my friends will think I'm totally mental, and I think I may be for at least the first few years but in the long run it will be wicked. It will be tough going but worth it all.

I have already been thinking ahead to coming events to see how I may have to get around them. Like parties and hen do's, wedding etc etc. In recent months I've been drinking so it will be quite tricky to suddenly not be. We will see. Rob and I certainly aren't in a rush to get pregnant this time so it could take a while longer than the last 2 times. With Rob being away it will likely take longer anyway.

Right I'll stop now. I kept it very brief and not really from the heart as there was a lot more I wanted to express but it doesn't matter.

AGREED

Well it has been talked about and agreed to try for another baby. It's so exciting and I don't feel scared at all. I'm sure I will when and if the time comes. Basically I asked Rob to read my last entry and then said, well? He said he was still up for it.

So today I took my last pill for hopefully a very long time. I have 3 months to get fitter, loose the rest of the baby weight and take folic acid, which reminds me that I need to buy some.

I have broken my finger at the moment so it may be a bit hard to get too physical with any type of fitness but I will start soon.

I'm also going to start weaning Leo on to a bottle tomorrow so that I can get my periods back and start working out my cycle.

It may take us a bit longer than last time because Rob is away during the week. 4 nights a week, and not in a row, may make conceiving a bit trickier, but time will tell

I've still been putting people off the idea that we will have any more and I find people's responses quite funny. Some blatantly don't believe me, others say they think I would be stupid to have any more because of Rob being away etc, some think 2 is enough, and loads more.

I know life will be crazy hard for a few years but I just think about what it will be like when they are all a bit older. I can't wait for crazy Christmas and birthday parties, great family holidays etc etc.

Pregnancy certainly takes its toll on my body and I'm really not looking forward to all the aches and pains that come along with carrying a baby. I will get through it though. I can't wait to feel the baby move and to see what it looks like when it arrives.

Trying very hard to keep this diary brief for now.