Tuesday, 1 June 2010

DENIAL

I wonder how long I can leave it before doing a test?! How long can I keep denying it!? I really can't believe it if I am. It's crazy. One quicky at the end of my cycle and duddah!

Obviously that would be amazing and I am truly blessed to be able to get pregnant just like that when I know so many others struggle. I read a lot of infertility blogs and I really feel for them. I sort of understand why they feel so guilty now when they do get pregnant and get scared of announcing it so as not to upset their fellow blog readers. It's a tricky one.

I was thinking in the shower last night (which is where I do the most thinking) and I was suddenly feeling really guilty. I felt sorry for Ellis and Leo. They will have to share Mummy even more and I felt like I missed a bit of Ellis growing up when Leo was born as I was struggling to cope with a new baby. I don't want to miss a moment of them growing up! What will be different this time? It will be hard but I think it wont be as big a shock as going from one to two. With Rob still being away 3 nights a week will make things that bit harder and we still haven't found a house we like. There is just nothing coming on! I'm sure it will all work out.

I weighed this morning. Not happy at all. I was 11st 12lbs. 5lbs over my target weight! Rob has set up running machine now so hopefully will start on that soon.

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