TOUGH GOING - 3 WEEKS, 4 DAYS OLD

I really am trying to do blogging but it would seem that my evenings are going to be taken up with feeding, burping and changing. I can't type one handed so I'm just going to have to try and do some during the day, hence this entry which I'm manically trying to type out while Oscar is sleeping, Ellis is watching TV and Leo is in hospital with Daddy. Long story which will eventually be told.

So just to catch up, things are still manic at home. I'm recovering well but I have been over doing it recently and I'm achy and sore by the evening. I keep forgetting that I am recovering from surgery.

The health visitor phoned to arrange an appointment but then I had a further call a few days later to say that they had to rearrange it and it isn't until tomorrow now so I haven't seen anyone for ages now! I have no idea how heavy Oscar is.

So yes, he now has a name. Oscar Wallace, and we will be registering him tomorrow afternoon. I didn't force the issue with Rob, I just asked him to consider it and he said that I could have it. The middle name became an issue again but Rob eventually got bored of thinking about names so agreed Wallace too. I said if we have another baby, he can name it, unless it's a girl then I must have a say.

I'm working on my birth story and subsequent days in hospital but it's slow going and the entries are going to be massive!

I'm still rather large, 13st 2lbs yesterday and my normal weight is around 11st 7lbs so have a long way to go yet.

I managed to get my size 12 jeans on on Saturday. I really couldn't breathe, bend or sit down though and they wouldn't be comfortable to wear for a long time but it was a nice boost for me. That being said, my eating is terrible! I can't stop eating chocolate and cake etc. It's really not like me.

My hair hasn't started to fall out yet which is great and my bleeding stopped a couple of weeks ago which was really early I thought.

The scar is looking quite good. There is one area that hasn't healed yet but it's getting there. My belly is minging though and always will be.

I've put my wedding ring back on but it is still rather tight. Engagement ring will definitely not fit for a while yet. I'm not ready to diet or watch my eating. I just have too much on my mind to worry about it.

Rob went back to work, just for Thursday and Friday morning and my Mum came over to stay with us to help out, because I still can't lift Leo and I can't drive. It was great to have her here.

I slept on the sofa the night Mum was here. It actually worked really well as I didn't have to get in and out of bed to reach Oscar and I was really comfortable. I tried it Saturday night too but it don't go very well at all. Oscar just ate and ate and ate and wouldn't settle, not even on me. I think he may have been trying to increase my milk supply as I had none left on the night time but I have noticed that yesterday and today my boobs seem fuller. They will hopefully die down a bit soon.

Oscar is a very very windy baby and so I decided to give Infacol a go. It may do nothing but it makes me feel better that I'm doing something. He is screaming now because of wind and it makes things very tricky as in between feeds he doesn't really sleep soundly for any amount of time. It's still early days I know and I'm sure things will improve. You really do forget how hard the early days are.

Just having a newborn baby would be hard on it's own but we have Ellis and Leo too. The pressure has really been put on us recently with me having the section, Rob being ill, Leo and Ellis were ill then they got better, then when Mum was staying with me Ellis hurt his ankle and had to go to A&E then Leo fell from his stool and hit his head then started to be sick, so he went to A&E and has since been sick again so has gone back to A&E today! It all happens at once! Ellis is still limping away and running with his foot turned in, Rob is still at A&E as I type this but should shortly be coming home, I'm sore and achy from doing too much yesterday and today and Rob is struggling too. We seem to be quite up beat though considering everything.

I'm really not looking forward to Rob going back to work. It's going to be hard.

WATSU - 36 WEEKS, 6 DAYS

Been feeling a little better the last 2 days or so. I'm not great about the situation I find myself in but I'm coming to terms with it a bit more. I'm really not looking forward to the experience of the ECV and hopefully, fingers crossed I won't have to go through it.

Been trying to get baby to turn by being on all 4s, sitting and bouncing on my birthing ball but this makes my feet really puffy, and visualising and telling him to get his head down! It might work, you never know.

The only good thing about the baby being in this position is that he isn't putting any pressure on my pelvis which is great. I do get sciatic pain still and it makes my left leg give way suddenly with some shooting pain but I can deal with that much better than constant burning and stinging of my pelvis whenever I move.

The kicks to the bladder and bum area are a constant reminder from the little bugger that he still hasn't turned. I keep getting my hopes up every now and then when I feel a bit different but so far he is still staying in exactly the same place. He has been like it for 10 weeks now so I suppose he must be comfortable.

Booked into the spa with Mum. Going to have a Watsu. I think you basically float about while being gently moved around by a therapist. It's costing an arm and a leg for it but I can't wait! Hopefully all the relaxing will get baby round.

Time is ticking away. Only 9 days until ECV, 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow and baby will be here very soon. I think my thoughts are so consumed with how he is going to get here that I haven't been thinking about the after bit yet. It's making me tired just typing about it.

In need of sleep, healthy food and drink, and some alone time. Too busy for that though.

ECV BOOKED - 36 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

It's the day after the day after and I'm going to try and blog about all the recent happenings. Not sure if I will finish it tonight as I'm hanging even though it is only 8pm.

So anyway on Tuesday I had an appointment at the hospital to see a registrar to discuss my options of birth. I knew I just wanted to have the most active and natural birth that was possible for me within their hospital policies. Just before I left for the appointment I had a chat with Judith (my midwife) who was taking the breastfeeding antenatal class and she said that they would scan me that day if they weren't sure what way up the baby was.

I picked Mum up and went to the hospital. When we arrived we were told there was a delay to see the doctor and the waiting room was full up. I said I really needed to pee so if I needed to do a wee sample, could I do it now please. To start with she said, "just go to the loo now and have a drink after" but I said I'll just do it now. She eventually looked into it and a midwife came out to take me down to do the wee sample. She also took my blood pressure and weighed me. While she was doing all this I was just chatting away but happened to mention that I wanted a scan to see how the baby was lying. First thing she said was "you wouldn't need to know if you're having a c-section". Of course I soon put her straight and said that I thought it was a waste of time me talking through my options if they were actually limited anyway. She said she couldn't authorise the scan and that the registrar would palpate me and get me scanned if they weren't sure. I was okay with that but still said it could save time to do it first.

On my way back to the waiting room I overheard her talking to someone else about my case and 2 minutes after sitting down I was called in for a scan as I was told the doctor wouldn't have time to palpate me because they were so far behind.

Just before the wand was put on my belly the sonographer asked what position I thought he was in and when she looked she said I was dead right. The placenta is at the very top of bump, his head is up on my left side, back running across the top with bum down on the right and legs and hands are right down in my pelvis area. She did some measurements and estimated his current weight at 5lbs 13oz, checked the fluid level which was good and we had a look at the cord. She said there was lots of cord and that it wasn't around his neck, all of which are good signs for trying to turn the little bugger around. Here is a picture of what position he is in, pretty much anyway, including where the placenta is.

I went back to the waiting room, called Rob, then had a long wait to see the doctor. Time passed quite quickly but I was in a right mood. Pissed off, scared, annoyed, nervous, worried etc etc. We were called in by a young female doctor who immediately started off by saying about getting me booked in for a section. Hold up, wait a minute! I explained what had happened with the scan and that I was very keen to try an ECV. She asked why I didn't want a section and said they wouldn't be keen to do an ECV on someone who had had a previous section. I said I know that but would they please do it. She said she would have to speak to her boss about it and so she left the room.

She returned not long after with her boss in tow who was the man we had seen at the beginning of the pregnancy that said I should have my blood pressure taken every 2 weeks, from 20 weeks of pregnancy! Anyway, he started on about the risks and that they wouldn't want to do it and that he wouldn't do one and neither would Mr McCloud who was the main dude and the man I had seen for treatment after having Leo. That did scare me a bit but he said he would ring around and try and find someone but that it might not be at that hospital. I was fine with that. The risks are that my scar will be stretched and torn open causing me to bleed out. You also have the usual risks of the placenta coming away from the wall and fetal distress. Basically if any of that happens I would be taken straight into surgery and he would be taken out.

So he went out and came back in saying that he had found someone, a Dr S Grant who would do the ECV in 2 weeks time as he was on holiday the following week. Most ECVs need to be done in week 37 and I'll be in week 38 but I can't complain really. So I'm booked in to have it done on 1st March. I have to call the delivery suite in the morning between 8 and 9am and they will tell me what time to come in. I'm not allowed anything to eat from 6am and I should be having it done around 12pm but that all depends on how busy they are. If successful I have to stay on delivery suite for 3 hours before I can go home. If unsuccessful then I will be booked in for a c-section for the following week and if there are any problems then I will be having a baby there and then! I have to take all my stuff with me but leave it in the car. My blue V pillow is coming in with me though.

I left feeling rather flustered obviously and not sure what I was doing. Mum was a bit unsure about my decision too but all I could think of was that I didn't want a c-section so any alternative, I will take. So the decision was made for me and thankfully because I seemed to be well informed according to the 2 doctors they were happy to discuss it all with me. I think if I didn't know anything they would have just booked me in and that would be that. I was asked why I was so against having a c-section by the doctors and friends and it's not that I'm against them as such and that I want to have this au natural birthing experience, it's a case of I have 2, then 3 children to look after, I need to drive, if I have any more children it would automatically mean a c-section, it's major abdominal surgery which comes with risks, I didn't recover well from my previous section, and if I could have a normal birth I would prefer it.

Obviously it has really done my head in. I'm so confused and worried about whether or not I'm doing the right thing, should I just cave in and book in for a section, should I just try the ECV anyway as I've fought for it and tons more thoughts. I'm really not looking forward to the actual experience of having the ECV done but if it works out how great would that be. I'm just really struggling with being positive, being in the now, having a whatever attitude, all the things that I have preached to friends. I've had so many people say to me that as long as baby is alright that's all that matters, what will be will be, and that it wouldn't be that bad having a section and of course I know this but that doesn't change the way I feel right now. I know it could be worse and I feel so stupid sometimes that I'm moaning on about it when I have friends that have lost babies, would do anything to get and stay pregnant and here I am fussing about how it's coming out.

My thoughts have been taken over with the position of this baby and ECV. If it is successful I will quickly have to turn my head back around and start thinking about preparing myself for labour and birth. If not then I have to come to terms with how it will end up. It's the not knowing and waiting that is driving me crazy. I know 2/4 weeks isn't that long but it certainly feels like it at the moment.

I'll try and do another post in a few days with how I'm feeling then but for now I'm feeling pretty down. I need to snap out of it I know and be positive, happy and excited but it just isn't happening at the moment. Thank you to all my friends who have been trying to keep my chin up. I'm a tough cookie and will be fine I'm sure.

LIST - 32 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

I have an expanding list of things I want to talk about on here so I better get on with it before I forget what I wanted to say. It won't really flow as I'm following a list and will just write about each one.

Gas - with my first 2 pregnancies I always had gas going up and down but this time around I haven't suffered from it and luckily, so far, I haven't had any indigestion which is great.

Aches & Pains - everyone gets them I'm sure. This time I have been getting lower back ache if I've been standing for a long time but to be honest I get that when I'm not pregnant too. It isn't too bad though. The biggest issue is the burning, stinging, stabbing pelvis pain. Sometimes it is horrendous. The worse time by far is when trying to get comfy in bed or turning over, oh and getting dressed and undressed. It is so painful and you know you have to feel it as you have to move. So I just grit my teeth, feel the pain and usually groan or let out some air. It isn't nice and I will stop going on about it but I have to write about it as a reminder for next time! ;o)

Preparing siblings - I feel like I haven't done enough of this with Leo and too much with Ellis. Ellis is always asking when is baby Ben going to arrive, is it spring yet etc etc and Leo just knows that my tummy is called baby. Pretty sure he doesn't know that there is a baby in there and that it will be coming out and home with us. I think he will be in for the biggest shock. Ellis really wants to be a helper and I hope he does as I will need it.

Baby position - I pretty much have no idea of baby's position other than the fact that all movement, kicks, prods etc is down on my c-section scar and below. It is so strange how low it is and it doesn't feel nice at all. I know there is time for baby to get in a proper position but it would be nice to feel some good movements and legs/arms sticking out etc. I have a midwife appointment in just under a week so should know more then, hopefully.

Rob has actually looked into purchasing an ultra sound machine so that I can put my mind at rest as I obsess about it every day. They go for £900 which isn't bad really as you can re-sell it. I've told him not to obviously.

Size - I've been told conflicting things about how I look size wise. Some say I look massive then go on to say but it's all up front and you don't look pregnant from behind. One lady today said I hardly looked pregnant! People say I don't look like I have put on any extra weight! Seriously! It would be nice to be made to feel better but when you know you have gained so much extra fat on your arse and thighs and I'm bloated everywhere else, you wonder why people are fibbing so badly. ;o) I just have to look at my hands I know I'm big.

Getting ready - Right, so I've started to do the washing and ironing and putting the clothes into Leo's current room. All of Leo's clothes are now in with Ellis' which makes it so much easier. I've been out shopping and bought a few bits, ordered the mattress and bought myself some pads and arnica. I've written a very long list of stuff for the hospital bag but I don't remember taking that much stuff last time. I'll post the list on here soon. Need to do a birthing plan, clean the crib, finish sorting the clothes, sort out a car seat as current one is broken, pack hospital bag and I also need to work out what I'm going to do if labour starts and Rob is away etc. I mean Mum and Dad are 20 minutes drive away so add on getting out the house, 30 minutes, and Uncle Dave isn't much closer, if I can get hold of him. Sally has kindly said she would let me know when she could be free which is great as she is a lot closer, but it is still a worry. Hopefully it will start Friday afternoon or something, that way Rob will be home and I won't have to worry about any of it. I seem to have quite long labours but this time might be really fast, you just never know and it's best to be prepared.

AB Classes - went back to my first active birthing class on Tuesday. I made the silly mistake of walking down the very dark lane to get to the barn, ended up scaring the shit out of myself, causing me to run and hurt my pelvis. The class went well though. We heard a birth story at the beginning, drank tea, ate chocolate, talked about breathing techniques at the end for 2 minutes and introduced ourselves etc. It was really nice to be back but strange at the same time. I felt like a know it all and I sat there nodding my head a lot of the time. I'll keep going for now as it is nice to think about this baby and this pregnancy and I do need to get my head prepared for the labour of labour.

Appetite - this is going up and down and all over the place. Some days I really could just drink water all day and be fine, other days 2 chocolate bars, 3 packets of crips, tons of fruit etc are just not enough. I haven't weighed and I don't intend to until 35 weeks. I think with Leo I weighed a lot so was much more conscious of what was happening but this time I'm just going with the flow. Not worried about weight gain at all as long as I don't go stupid. I'm pretty sure I can lose it again with a bit of will power and I'm planning to do it by having an eating plan ready so that I can stick to it. It's something like this:

Breakfast - Porridge or Oat cereal with a banana

Fruit snack mid morning

Lunch - Sandwich with low fat crisps and yoghurt or soup with 2 bits of toast and yoghurt

Healthy mid afternoon snack

Dinner - Not overly fussed about this but pasta and sauce or fish or something like that.

I'll make sure to drink plenty of water too as I will hopefully be breastfeeding and will need to keep hydrated.

Cravings - I really want to be crunching away on some crushed ice just like I did with Leo but unfortunately we don't have the ice dispenser hooked up so no ice. :o(

Boobs - these things are massive but I'm still in my normal bras. I do have 4 boobs though and they barely cover my nipples, but I'm still in them. I will switch to my bigger bras soon.

Spots - maybe it is to do with my appetite/eating but I have suddenly started to get lots of spots again. I usually get a few spots anyway but in recent weeks I haven't had any so I noticed them when they returned. Hopefully they will go again soon.

Swollen - now this is going to sound very strange but I'm sure this is pretty normal that my down below bits are a bit swollen. I think I remember having it with Ellis but not sure. It isn't uncomfortable or anything but just a bit weird. My legs, hands, feet, face and neck are definitely puffy. I have bad sock marks and my stringy bit as I call it from my big toe is slowly disappearing. Plus you can feel that your skin is being stretched. Oh the joys of pregnancy!

The boys - as the time of the new arrival is fast approaching I've become really aware that my chance to spend quality time with the 2 boys is diminishing very quickly and I'm feeling a little bit sad about it. I'm really trying my best to give them lots of attention and one on one time as soon Mummy time will have to be split again. Hopefully Daddy will take up the slack in the first couple of weeks so that I can settle into some sort of routine so that I can still spend good time with them as well as keep on top of everything else. I know this isn't going to be easy but I'll cope. I'll have to.

Done - I'm still pregnant and I already think that I'm done, as in 3 boys will be enough for me. As much as I would love to have a little girl, I don't think I can go through all this again for the very slight chance that it might happen. I've always said I wouldn't have children just to have a certain sex, and I stand by that. I would never say never though and it is just left open for now. Would have to see how it all works out anyway. I would want a slightly bigger gap too as I think my body needs a rest from pregnancy and/or breastfeeding, which it has been doing since October 2006! I will get rid of some stuff after this one. I will keep some special outfits and things but everything else can go.

32 weeks - In general I'm feeling good. Up and down emotionally, very paranoid and I feel like I'm not working hard enough on some of my friendships but I'm just very consumed with everything right now. It sounds like a rubbish excuse but I just can't fit everything in. That doesn't mean that I'm too busy doing other stuff it just means that I can't cope with it all. My brain is overloaded.

I really have a good waddle going on now and I'm aware of my posture changing to a slightly leaning back position. I try to hold myself up high, pull in those pesky muscles and walk with my knees sometimes knocking. Sounds mental right?

I feel like I'm nearly at the end but I do have almost 8 weeks left, but they are ticking by so quickly. I'm trying to cherish the pregnancy but to be totally honest, apart from the pain in my pelvis and the horrible kicks to my bladder, I haven't really had too much time to think about it. I really want to make sure that I bond with this baby quite quickly and that I don't just see him as a little machine to deal with in amongst what I usually do, if that makes sense. I want him to be part of everything and not just a new chore. That sounds terrible I know but I'm just worried about spreading the love. I'm sure it will be just fine.

I have seriously waffled on but I did say my list was rather long. I must admit I did add to it as I went along.

Feeling happy but disorganised. Once I'm sorted out I will feel a lot more settled. I think I remember going through a phase like this with both pregnancies. Worrying about being a good Mum, worrying about everything really.

Going to put my feet up now and switch off for a bit.

30 WEEKS PREGNANT

Every time I do a measurements blog entry I get totally confused! The main problem I have is that I didn't do 0 week measurements, only 17 week measurements, but I have been using a starting weight of 11st 10lbs to judge the weight gain. When I come to do the overall figures I am going from when I was 17 weeks upwards, but the weight is done from pre-pregnancy. See I can't even explain it properly!

Well here are the measurements and bump pictures:

Measurements with Nugget:

Weight = 13st 4lbs! Only 4lbs over Leo pregnancy weight! Very strange and only 4lbs put on since I was 25 weeks. Total overall gain so far - (+1st 8lbs!)

Tummy = 105cm (+11.5cm)

Upper arm = 29cm

Upper leg = 63.5cm (+2.5cm)

Ankle = 24.5cm (+.5cm)

Neck = 34.5cm (+1.5cm)

Measurements with Leo:

Weight = 13st
Tummy = 104cm
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 61.5cm
Ankle = 24cm
Neck = 33cm

Bump picture while pregnant with Ellis.

I really struggled to believe that I was 30 weeks pregnant today. I had to keep checking and I didn't believe it each time. I'm really starting to feel quite big and I have a good waddle going now. Pelvis has been poor for 2 days now and I'm only hoping that it improves a bit as I still have another 10 weeks of growing to do!

I'm surprised that I have only gained 4lbs in 5 weeks, especially over the Christmas period but I have been quite ill at times and haven't really been eating as much as I would usually. I'm sure I will make up for it now I'm starting to feel better.

I have my flu jab on Thursday. Hopefully it will stop me becoming ill again before baby arrives as I still have so much sorting out to do.

Hopefully starting AB classes again soon. I can't go on the 11th as I have a committee meeting but I am hoping to start the following Tuesday. I really need to get my head in gear.

I think baby still isn't head down, but what do I know. My bladder takes a pounding every day, so unless his feet are up by his head, I'm guessing he is the wrong way around still.

Baby at 30 weeks.

The baby's lungs and digestive tract are almost fully developed. While the baby may soon slow up growing in length, (he measures about 15.7 inches/ 40 centimetres from crown to toe by now), he will continue to gain weight until he's born.

This week the baby continues to open and shut his eyes. He can probably see what's going on in utero, distinguish light from dark and even track a light source. If you shine a light on your stomach, the baby may move his head to follow the light or even reach out to touch the moving glow. Some researchers think baring your stomach to light stimulates visual development. But don't expect 20/20 vision when the baby is born -- newborns can see a distance of only about 8 to 12 inches/ 20 to 30 centimetres. (Children with normal vision don't reach 20/20 vision until about age 7 to 9.) To complete the picture, your baby now has eyebrows and eyelashes.

A pint and a half/ around a litre of amniotic fluid now surrounds the baby but that volume decreases as he gets bigger and has less room in your uterus. As you and the baby continue to grow, don't be alarmed if you feel as if you can't get enough air, it's just your uterus pressing against your diaphragm.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. At about 34 weeks (or just before birth, if this is your second or third pregnancy), your baby's head will move down into your pelvis as the baby gets into the right position for birth. That will make breathing and eating a lot easier.

CHECKING IN

Apart from the ever expanding waist line, being pissy, tired and groggy all the time, I'm not really having any symptoms!

The weight is going on big time! My whole mental attitude towards food and eating changes drastically as soon as I receive that positive test result. I switch from diet coke to full fat, I buy full fat micro meals, crisp intake increases, I start to eat chocolate and actually look forward to having a dessert, I eat sweets, finish off the kids food and just generally eat a hell of a lot more than I normally do. No wonder I'm going to pack on the pounds! It's strange cause I get sad about getting too big but I don't do anything about it.

Touch wood, no pelvis issues yet, which is a good sign.

I had my checking in appointment with Judith last Tuesday and I now have my orange book! It was such a long appointment. I had left Ellis with my Mummy friends at the soft play and told them I was going across the road for a doctors appointment at 3:30. I left at 3:10 and didn't return until 4:40pm!! I had sent them a couple of text messages saying that the doctors were running late etc so I think they bought it. Time will tell.

The appointment went ok. Leo was screaching for most of it. The bloody student kept faffing with the computer and it just took forever! They had 3 attempts to take my blood too. I told the student where the vein was and where the best place was to insert the needle but she did it about 2cms too low. Then Judith had a go and she was too far left so eventually they listened to me and got it. Good job I don't care about needles.

Judith mentioned the previous c-section and the fact that I will never forgive them or let them forget how they messed up with Ellis, and she is right.

I made a fuss about being in a normal room at the hospital and Judith booked me into the Birthing Suite to see if we could get away with it.

I asked to be referred to the Physio lady again as I want to get a head start on the stomach muscle issue but she said I had to attend a class at the surgery first before I could be referred. Again I kicked up a fuss and said that the lady knows me, I saw her during pregnancy and for 6 months after so I'm pretty sure me attending an hour class telling me what exercises I need to do isn't actually going to help me. She backed down and said she would refer me. Good job I know what I'm talking about and I don't mind speaking up and asking for it.

I told her we were moving house and she said that I could stay with her or move to Marcia. I really would like to have Marcia because I like her but Judith knows me, and knows what I want and how much I want it. I think it may be best to stick with her as much as it pains me to admit that. Must give it some more thought. I have time, my next appointment isn't until the end of Sept.

Received my scan date letter today which isn't until 7th Sept! I can't wait another 3 + weeks to tell my folks. Hopefully going to get an Oscar scan booked in before that but with the house move on the 27th, not sure how we can fit it all in.

Struggling a bit at the moment. Boys are playing up, a lot, and it's really taking its toll on me. I just can't seem to cope with it at the moment. Hopefully things will get better once the move has been done and Ellis is settled back into going to pre-school. It will give me a little bit of a break too.

Going to be needing a lot of child care over the coming months. I hope my friends don't desert me as I really need them right now.

SIGNS

Some things are different, some are the same. The difference being that I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant! The last 2 times I just thought about it all the time. This time Rob remembers and talks to me about it, but last time he kept forgetting.

Starting to feel pregnant now. I have exactly the same things happening to me this time as I did with Leo which also convinces me even more that it will be a boy.

I have hot flushes, usually after a meal, I constantly feel hungry. I can eat and eat until I feel sick where I am so full, then 20 minutes later I have hunger pangs again. It's a very fine line between feeling sick and feeling hungry. It's so hard not to eat as it makes me feel better but I'm worried about weight gain. I've already put on a few pounds and I certainly look bloated most of the time now.

My belly button is already sticking out so I know I will have the same stomach muscle issue as last time and I am certainly doing all the exercises to help.

I've started to feel rather groggy and lethargic in the afternoon and I struggle to get through it sometimes. It doesn't help that I have so much on right now. Roll on September when I can have my scan.

I have my booking in appointment in 10 days and I filled out the forms today so that's exciting.

Really looking forward to it all now, just fingers crossed that all is well.

TARGET

Due to the fact that I have been unwell I haven't been eating properly and I lost a few pounds. This morning I got on the scales and I was at target weight of 11st 7lbs. Strangely I wasn't all that pleased as I have now started eating again and I know it will all go on again and I'll be 12st again before I know it. It's up to me I know but I just don't have the will power at the moment.

Boobs still stinging quite a bit. Not my whole boob but just mainly the nipple. I think it's just because my milk is finally drying up and nothing else.

Due on next week ish. My cycle is all over the place, which I'm not used to so I suppose I just wait and wait.

CRAPPY

Feeling really horrid. Gut ache and just generally feeling sick. Didn't get much sleep last night so that wouldn't help. I really thought I could be relaxed about the whole thing third time around but I just can't stop thinking about it all.

I'm not happy about my body right now. Rather than doing something about it though, I just ate cake! I'm an idiot.

DIET

Right that is it! Got on the scales this morning, 12st 5lb! Can't believe it, but I suppose I should have expected it seeing as I can't stop stuffing my face.

I'm going to really start trying to cut down and to eat some good food for a change. Watch this space!