20 WEEK SCAN - 24 WEEKS, 2 DAYS

It's been a very long time between posts but I have been having trouble on deciding on how to actually write this one. I want to be honest about my feelings but I don't want to upset anyone that might read this. Very hard for me to explain. I was going to just cut and paste the story of the scan from topflumps, and I pretty much will but will elaborate on feelings etc.

So lets go back to the week of the scan, I hadn't been feeling quite right since my curry night with the girls but had nothing to show for it other than cramps, pains, and just generally feeling a bit sick.

Unfortunately it got rather worse on Friday which was a shame as it was the day of our 20 week scan (at 21+4 days). I was barely eating and just didn't feel right. I had quite dizzy spells too and just generally felt very tired all the time. I thought it was pregnancy related but maybe it was a bug.

Friday afternoon Mum came over at 2pm to take care of Leo and to pick Ellis up from school so that Rob and I could go for the scan. We got to the hospital and there were plenty of parking spaces which was lucky. We signed in and paid for some pictures. I wanted 4 and they were £4 each! Rob couldn't believe it when he received his change from a £20 note.

We sat waiting, me huffing and puffing because I felt so rotten and Rob huffing and puffing because of the cost of the pictures, before being called in quite quickly.

The ladies name was Tracy and she was very friendly. We went into a scan room we haven't been in before which was nice and I got up on the table and we could soon see our little Nugget on the screen.

We had a little look around and on examining the face we saw the mouth open and shut a few times. It was like it was talking to us! The examiner replayed the pictures and it was so funny to see. It's going to be a chatterbox like Ellis.

Rob's face was about an inch away from the monitor as he was trying to hunt down the male or female parts. I really didn't want to know and was so determined not to find out but after showing us the skull, brain, eyes, mouth, heart, kidneys, there it was. Both Rob and I said at the same time "it's a boy then?!" I've seen it's got a willy. Tracy laughed a bit nervously as she hadn't told us to look away etc and it was pretty obvious as she was zooming up and down the babies legs to kidneys area that there was indeed a penis.

All 3 or us spent a long time talking about it being our 3rd little boy and how my life was doomed to be seriously outnumbered, forever blue with toilet seats up and rowdy boys running and jumping around. Rob quickly turned to me and said "don't think you will be getting a 4th because of this!". I was genuinely not surprised that it was another boy but I so wish we hadn't found out at that moment as I felt the tiniest bit of excitement dissipate. The thought and hope that it could have been a little girl were gone and I now have a few months to get used to the idea of another boy.

Tracy took some pictures and at the end said she had gone a bit overboard taking pictures and not to tell the front desk. I was quite excited about that but she actually only went overboard by 1. We had 5 pictures and 4 of them are the same front on view of the skull. No hand or foot, side on profile, body, nothing. I wish I had thought to ask at the time but we were so busy talking about it being a boy that I forgot.

Back at home we told the boys and Mum the news which was all rather exciting and then I started to receive text message replies to a message I had sent out telling everyone else what had happened. I had some lovely responses back and one from Sophie (AB) made my Mum and I cry. Lush.

I had a lot of messages saying, better luck next time, have to go for a 4th then etc but I think 3 boys is enough for anyone thank you. Chances are the 4th would be a boy anyway. There was only a 1:4 chance of this one being a boy.

I am very happy that the baby appears normal and healthy and I know that pink, or blue, babies are a blessing. This still didn't stop me from crying in Asda about the fact that I would never get to buy pink stuff. It sounds so silly as I am a Mum of such amazing children that I should be sad about this stuff. Some people can't even have children of their own or struggle for a very very long time to get one, which is why I have really been struggling with my feelings recently. I feel very guilty that I am crying and upset that I will never get to experience having a daughter or being able to buy pink things when some people can't buy or experience any of it! I can't help the way I feel though and I have been a bit sad.

I shared with Rob some of what I was feeling but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what to say. Plus it's not something he can just fix so it must be hard for him.

I will obviously get over it and I can't wait to meet my baby in March. In fact recently I seem to be wishing the time to come sooner. With the past 2 pregnancies I wanted to savour every minute but this time, although I am enjoying it for the most part, I just want him here. I want to see what he looks like, I want to give him cuddles and I want the boys to meet him.

So having said all that, I now need to get up-to-date with how I have been since then.

I am currently 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant.

My boobs and butt don't look like that!

23 week bump picture which I forgot to put on sidebar.

I have really started to feel Nugget move in the last 2 weeks. So much later than with the first 2. I try all the time to just stop for a minute to feel it but during the day when Leo is awake it is very difficult as he comes over and just gives it a wack. Ellis is better but he does jump around a lot which makes my belly wobble anyway.

I can now see the movement from outside too which has also taken a while this time and the other strange thing for me is that all the kicks and prods are very low down. I mean on my c-section scar and below! Way too low I think. Maybe from all the hard pushing with Leo, everything has sagged down that little bit further, as I know my bladder has.

Bladder is working ok. I don't get leaks but it doesn't really tell me when I need to go so when I do go I can be there for ages and I realise that I probably should have gone sooner.

I am having to get up in the night to wee too which I have never done before either. So many different things this time! Apart from the sex of the baby obviously.

The baby jumps at loud noises now so when the boys shout or something gets dropped I feel it jump about. I love feeling the movements. It doesn't get any more special than that.

My bump this time isn't very attractive, according to me anyway. I have a funny over hang at the bottom and my stretch marks are disgusting. I actually find it quite depressing how vile my skin is. I was hoping not to get any new ones this time but I'm quite itchy as the skin is stretching so maybe I will. I cream and oil up all the time so I can't be told I haven't tried to stop them.

Over the last week or so my pelvis pain under my left buttock has really kicked in. Some days it is quite bad and I hobble around like a very old person. Other days it just twinges every now and then. I'm trying really hard to do my exercises and I have a physio appointment soon so I will probably be told to wear my stretchy bandage which should help a bit for a while, hopefully. I'm also trying to not complain about it too much as when I was pregnant with Leo I was always going on about it. It's just one of those things that happens to me and I have to get on with it. As long as baby comes out ok and I'm alright, it doesn't matter. I really would love to get my stomach sorted out after though. Might look into that. Not for cosmetic reasons although that would be nice but for health reasons really. My stomach muscles are shot from 3 pregnancies, being cut for a c-section and cut for an appendectomy. Hopefully they could do something about my bladder too. That's all a long way off yet.

I am hoping to go for a 4d scan this time. We didn't with the others as we didn't have the cash but I really would like to have one done. I've found a good place recommended to us and it isn't stupidly priced. Will look into booking that soon and hopefully Mum's could come too or something.

I am also going to go back to my Active Birthing classes but I'm not quite sure when to start. Might leave it until after Christmas but then that only gives me 2 whole months! Might be enough to get my head in gear. If anything I'm feeling too cocky this time and need to be careful that I'm not over confident. Every time is a new time. Baby might be breach yet for all I know!

Right, done it now. Might leave a bit of a gap again unless something interesting happens.

HAPPY HAPPY - 21 WEEKS, 1 DAY

This pregnancy is turning out to be quite different from the first 2, although I'm still sure it will be a boy.

I haven't had pelvis pain yet which is great and I'm really enjoying this pregnancy, not that I didn't the other 2 but they were just a lot harder, and I cried more feeling sorry for myself as it was just hurting so much all the time. I hope the lack of pain continues even though the stiffness and sharp stabbing pain in my arse cheek have arrived. I think that is do with the sciatic nerve.

Things are really busy at the moment and I'm pretty sure that will continue until after Christmas now, which is great but also I feel like I'm not giving enough thought to this pregnancy and this baby. I keep forgetting! How could I? I even tried laying on my tummy this evening while chatting to Ellis, and it wasn't until it hurt that I realised I'm squashing my lickle Nugget!

Speaking of Ellis, that is another thing that is making this pregnancy so great. He is so excited too! I'm getting to share it all with him, and he understands this time. Tonight he felt it kick for the first time and was so pleased. He was very gentle and really interested in what was going on. It's really nice talking to him about it all and I love it.

The movements are still really faint actually and really, really low down. I don't remember the kicking with the boys being so far down, like under my c-section scar. I've seen it kicking from the outside but right down low. I assume that is ok!?

Last time at this stage too, my scar was burning. This time I haven't had any problems with it which has been good. Probably because all the scar tissue was stretched with the Leo pregnancy.

Looking forward to the scan on Friday. Be good to see Nugget again and check that everything is proceeding how it should. I'm still not 100% on finding out the sex or not. I suppose it depends on if everything is ok first. Rob really wants to find out and I would like to, but I also want to feel how it feels when you find out at the end. I just can't decide completely.

Bump has suddenly really popped out! I'm wearing my one pair of fat jeans everyday now and they really could do with a wash but I have nothing else. I've bought some leggings but can't bring myself to put my tree trunks in them. I've also bought some jeans but they just pull my pants down every time I move. I hate not having nice fitting clothes. I buy stuff hoping it will fit properly later but never wear it! I do the same with the boys. I buy them clothes that I think they will grow into but then I forget I have them and by the time I remember they don't fit again! I'm all confused over clothes at the moment but I'll work something out. Would really just like one pair of decent fitting jeans!

I had a fair few people today tell me how big bump was suddenly looking. I think the fact that I haven't pooed in a few days and that they didn't see me for a week because of half term has made a difference.

Busting out of my bras. Lotty has leant me some so I need to try them on. If not I'm off to Perfect Fit to get some new ones. Going to treat myself.

Nervous about scan. Hopefully have some blurry pictures to post on the weekend. I say it like that because they seem to do crap 20 week pictures. I looked at Ellis' yesterday and his were brilliant (we were at a different hospital for Ellis scans). You can see them below.

Leo's were rubbish, in my opinion. They were £2 each too. This time they are £4 each! Not sure how many we will buy yet. You have to decide before you actually see the pictures so you could end up with 4 pictures of next to nothing.

Right, that's it! I'm shattered so off to bed for some rest before Ellis comes in saying he can't sleep. I really can't be bothered tonight so if he comes in, he can stay even though he just bugs me rather than going back to sleep.

HALFWAY - 20 WEEKS

The baby measures about 6.5 inches/ 16.5 centimetres from crown to rump and is steadily gaining weight. A whitish coat of a slick, fatty substance called vernix caseosa begins to cover the baby and protects the skin during its long immersion in amniotic fluid. It also eases delivery. The baby's swallowing more this week, good practice for the digestive system. After your baby takes in amniotic fluid, its body absorbs the water in the liquid and moves the rest into the large bowel.

Here are the 20 week bump pictures and measurements.

Now...



...before.



Measurements:

Weight = 12st 9lb (+14lbs) - WHAT!
Tummy = 96cm (+2.5cm)
Upper arm = 29cm
Upper leg = 63cm (+2cm)
Ankle = 24cm (+.5cm)
Neck = 33cm (+.5cm)

I'm not too keen on doing the measurements, but I've started so I'll finish.

One think I love about my growing size are my boobs! I want to keep them please. They are full and actually have some shape to them. Please stay boobs.

I did a video diary for a change. It's about 8 minutes long but I talk constantly so it passes quite quickly.

NEW - 19 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

Nugget has been kicking me loads today which has been lush and I've tried to stop what I'm doing and just enjoy it for a bit. Certainly makes it more real to know there is a little thing in there wriggling and kicking about.

As of today, we have decided not to find out the sex of our baby. I know I will find it very hard but I'm actually very excited to find out what it is after going through the hard work of giving birth. I'm still reasonably high risk for having a normal delivery so if for any reason I need to have a c-section again, finding out what we have after might soften the blow a bit. I know I am thinking way ahead! I will buy a girl going home outfit though, just in case. ;o)

Nic had her baby boy, Harry James, 8lb 14oz in the early hours of Thursday morning. She was due to go into hospital to be induced on the Thursday so luckily she missed that. He is so cute.

Loving being pregnant and so far so good. Don't want to jinx it too much.

Seeing as I've decided what I'm doing re finding out the sex, I have now changed the poll question to what do you think we are going to have? Please vote.

Feeling tired quite a bit but the boys are waking up early, before 6am which is always a killer to see 5 something on my phone.

The new car has now gone. The garage wouldn't pay for the repairs so they asked for the car back in the end. Rob drove up this morning and got the train back. It's a bit of a shame as we are now back to car hunting. BOO!

Hopefully we will find something soon as it tends to make Rob rather unsettled. He just can't stop thinking about it, surfing about it etc.. I'm not that worried. We have plenty of time before we actually need a bigger car, so I can wait.

Not long until the 20 week scan. Can't wait to see Nugget again. Hopefully all will be okay and then it will just be trying to enjoy it until D day. Exciting stuff.

STING - 19 WEEKS, 2 DAYS

Just rubbed across my belly, around my belly button area and had a horrible stinging pain. Bit scared to touch it again, or move! I know it's to do with my stomach muscle issue, I just hope it goes away.

Not feeling too happy about that but loving feeling Nugget move under the stinging.

BOOBS - 19 WEEKS, 2 DAYS

My right nipple was stinging like crazy yesterday and so itchy! Growing time again I expect.

Still not feeling too much movement but there is some which is nice. I think I'm just too busy to notice sometimes.

The new car arrived yesterday and unfortunately after some proper checks today it was found to not be road worthy so I can't drive it yet and we are waiting to see if the repairs will be paid for by the company we bought it from. It's a shame really as it would just be nice for something to run smoothly for a change. My negative attitude about some things comes from situations like these. I have a few others in mind that make me distrusting and negative but this isn't what this blog is for.

Just sat here typing this out when I had a very funny sensation like I was going to faint. I had them before in Leo's pregnancy and I always thought it was low sugar levels but it can't be that. I've just eaten and I've been eating and drinking quite well for a few days now. Weird. I am feeling very hot and flushed though so maybe it's that.

Feeling rather drained and tired, might watch something light like Glee and go to bed early.

KICKS - 19 WEEKS

OMG! 19 weeks gone already, I am in my 20th week! It's really starting to sink in now especially as Nugget is making itself known by kicking and wriggling. I've almost been like a first time Mum trying to feel the movement this time, and it started much later than with the boys so I have actually been really worried about it.

I went out with my AB girls from my Leo pregnancy and I was sure I was feeling it move on the Thursday evening, then on Saturday 16th I was sat on the computer and I had a proper kick. I quickly led on the floor and asked Rob if he wanted to try and feel too, which he did. Within seconds of him putting his hand on my bump he felt it too. It was lush and a huge relief too. I have been feeling little bits of movement every day now but nothing major yet.

Bump is growing steadily. I'm still wearing my size 12 jeans, done up which is amazing but I don't think it will last much longer. I've been very lucky too to have been lent some maternity clothes from Sharon and Sally so I have tons of choice. Just need to get some comfy bottoms now and a jumper or two, oh and a swimming costume.

This time around I thought that as my skin has been stretched past its limit with the 2 previous pregnancies that I wouldn't get any more stretch marks. Well I think I may get some more as the old ones are going pinky again already! I hate it! No amount of cream or oil will stop it from happening but I will try it anyway just for my own peace of mind. I don't think I will be getting bump out this time as it's not nice.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon sorting through the baby clothes that have been in bags in our room since we moved. I have plenty of newborn white vests and grows and 0-3 months actually but no unisex items apart from one cardigan. So if Nugget is a girl (highly unlikely) then I would certainly be doing some shopping. Online shopping though as can't even begin to think about getting 3 kids out the door to go shopping.

New car arrives tomorrow which is really exciting and I have ordered the next size up car seat for Ellis which is scary really as he is growing up so fast.

Other than being continually covered in spots, I'm feeling fine. So much so that I keep forgetting I'm pregnant. I can still lie on my front too.

We still haven't decided if we are going to find out the sex or not yet. Rob doesn't mind so it's up to me to make the decision. Deep down I think I will find out as I'm impatient and I want to get organised, start bonding and sorting a name out. I like a girl and boy name at the moment but Rob isn't too keen on either. It will work out I'm sure.

HEARTBEAT - 17 WEEKS, 4 DAYS

I have to rewind slightly as I realised I haven't posted the video of when we heard the heartbeat.

The appointment was on Friday 30th September and Leo, Ellis and Rob came along too. It was really nice being there as a family.

I had my blood pressure done and I was told that I didn't need to give any blood as I had had an Oscar scan so the blood screening wasn't necessary. Then I laid on the bed and after a few seconds we heard the little squishy noise of Nugget's heart.

Last night I'm pretty sure I felt some movement. It was more like a kick actually but I haven't felt anything yet today. Rubbish!

Went to my physio appointment yesterday. She was really pleased with my muscle tone and said they were very strong but that the split in my tummy muscles would happen again and that we just needed to keep an eye on it. I have my exercises to do and for now I don't have to wear my stretchy bandage. If I have any pain I have to put it on and book an earlier appointment. My next appointment is the end of November when I am 25 weeks. By then my uterus will be pushing up past my belly button which is where the stretch is measured from. She was quite pleased though which made me happy.

Okay then so here are the 16 week bump picture. Take into account that Ellis took the bump picture this time.

I have also put my current measurements and what I was last time. The "from Leo" means an increase or decrease from the same stage as Leo pregnancy.

This time...

Weight = 12st 4lbs (+8lbs from Leo) (+9lbs this pregnancy) SHIT!

Tummy = 93.5cm (+2.5cm from Leo)
Upper arm = 29cm (+2cm from Leo)
Upper leg = 61cm (+2cm from Leo)
Ankle = 24cm (.5cm from Leo)
Neck = 34cm (1.5cm from Leo

Leo Pregnancy...

Weight = 11st 10lb (+4lbs)

Tummy = 91cm (+6cm)
Upper arm = 27cm
Upper leg = 59cm (+2cm)
Ankle = 23.5cm
Neck = 32.5cm

I'm not worried about the increased measurements. My starting weight was a lot higher than second time around and I didn't control my eating for the first 4 months this time either so I'm not surprised. My appetite has diminished in recent days and I'm starting to eat healthier. Better late than never I suppose.

Hoping to feel more movements in the next few days. Will post an entry if I do.

HORMONES - 17 WEEKS, 1 DAY

I realised that I'm already falling behind on this blog. I wanted to post bump pictures and measurements but just haven't found the time and energy to do it.

Anyway, I don't feel pregnant at all. I haven't felt the baby move yet which I really don't like. I had felt both the boys by now so it's very frustrating as that is one of the best things about being pregnant and I feel like I'm being robbed of special moments. I sound ridiculous I know but I can blame it on my hormones which seem to be on overdrive at the moment according to hubby. Of course I know nothing about it as my body and mind is taken over.

I've had to move up to my big bras now. 34 FF! They don't fit that well though and the wire under my arm sticks in so think I should invest in a new, better fitting bra. I've also started to wear nursing bras to bed as they are much more comfy. I really am all Mumsy now.

Sharon brought over a bag of maternity tops for me which is great. I now have loads which is really nice to have a choice in the morning. I just need to get some bottoms. I want to get 2 pairs of jeans and some leggings. I'm just trying to wait until the last possible moment to get them but I feel like that time is fast approaching.

Will try and do pictures and measurements soon.

4 MONTHS - 16 WEEKS

I told a lady today that I was 3 months pregnant. It then occurred to me that I'm 4 months gone! It is going by so quickly! Much quicker than the first 2.

I'm feeling fine, waking up with a bump now rather than a flabby belly but I can still lie on my stomach. I love having a bump and can't wait until it obvious that I'm carrying a baby in there and not just a few extra packet of crisps. Will need to do a bit of shopping though as all maternity clothes are summer stuff. Thin cotton t-shirts/vests and one pair of broken jeans.

Boobs are getting bigger and fuller which is great! I hate the saggy things I've been left with, but I can't stay pregnant forever. They do sting every now and then and I just put it down to a growing day.

Still really spotty. Most days I have new spots on my face. Don't seem to be getting them anywhere else.

Hair is staying cleaner for longer which is great as the other day I couldn't remember when I last washed it! How horrible is that.

I have my appointment with the physio soon but pelvis is so far, okay. Hope she says my tummy muscles are doing good too. I'm doing my exercises all the time.

I've just read back over my growing dollop diary and I was feeling Leo move at this stage. I'm certainly not feeling anything at the moment but will have a lie down in a bit and concentrate to see if I can feel it. I definitely felt flutters the other night but nothing much.

I will try and do my measurements tomorrow, in the morning. I know for sure I am over the weight by about 5lbs, but then again I started out at least 2lb heavier this time around.

I keep forgetting all the time! I was chucking Leo up and down this evening, which he loves by the way, but then I realised that I probably shouldn't be doing that. Also I play fight with the boys and we roll around the floor and they jump on me etc.. Very silly of me and I need to be careful.

Had a stressful few days. Been living up Mum and Dad's as the electricians were doing some work and making lots of mess. Rob was away working too so been feeling a bit alone, even though I wasn't of course. Mum and Dad were great. Dad slept on the floor and Ellis and I had his bed, and Mum gave up her getting ready room for Leo to sleep in and of course the boys are up early every morning. They were brill to just put us up like that, at such short notice too. Thank you so much xxx

My 16 week bump picture was taken by Ellis this week as Rob is away until Wednesday night so that will be too late really. I set the camera up on the tripod and he pressed the button. It didn't work that well really but I was just doing it quickly.

Pictures and figures to follow tomorrow as too tired today.

LUSH - 14 WEEKS, 4 DAYS

I have a baby growing in my belly and 2 gorgeous boys. It doesn't get much better than that! I am so happy to be pregnant again and to be expanding our family. It's going to be tough I know, but I have a great support system that will see me through and before I know it, I'll be a Grandma. I want to savour every moment of this pregnancy and every second of my boys lives.

ALREADY - 14 WEEKS, 1 DAY

Absolutely shattered today. Partly my fault though so I have tried not to complain too much, but I have moaned about it most of the day. In fact I didn't speak to Rob this evening as I text him to say there wasn't much point as I was too grumpy.

Pelvis started clicking a few days ago which is bad news and I strained it a bit running around the garden with the boys on Sunday. Trying very hard to nurse it and hopefully it will settle down again. I'm doing better than I was with Leo anyway.

I've been doing my tummy exercises religiously and my gap between muscles is still what it was which is excellent news. I checked to make sure I was referred to the physio but I still haven't heard. Should hopefully find my stretchy bandages in one of the loft bags that currently reside in my bedroom, so I can start wearing that which will help even more.

I so can't wait to feel it move. Every evening I sit still and focus, to see if I can feel anything, but nothing yet. Still very early but I did feel Leo around this time, so you never know.

Fat jeans are way too big and fall down and my normal jeans are cutting in and hurting me so not sure what to do. I don't want to buy maternity jeans just yet so will see what I have in my bags of clothes first.

Have bump pictures to post but haven't got round to putting them on the PC yet, so will do that in the next few days.

Feeling very excited still and can't wait to meet this new little person, but I just want to enjoy the pregnancy for now as it may well be the very last time I will experience it. It is for only a short time really although it can feel like forever when you are 30 + weeks and all puffy and achy.

Ages until the 20 week scan and I will be nearly 21 weeks anyway. Still not sure if we are going to find out the sex or not. It plays on my mind every day. Not in a bad way though.

Right, I'm off to do next to nothing even though I would love to do some blogging. Enough is enough for one day.

CONSULTANT - 13 WEEKS, 1 DAY

Mum and Dad were here nice and early this morning and we left straight away. My appointment was at 9am so luckily the 2+ lane was open and we got there just on time. We found a parking space right next to the building and went in.

I checked in, and within minutes I was called. Baby Nugget was soon on the screen wriggling about, arms and legs going everywhere. The hand was on the screen for ages and this is the image that remains in my mind, soooo cute! The usual checks were done and I was told that I am 13 weeks today and not 13 +1. I'm not going to change my date though. I will keep it to what the Consultant told me on Friday. So my due date changed to 15th March.

You have to buy the pictures in advance at £4 each and you have to decide how many you want. I found this whole process very annoying as I wanted to see the pictures before I bought them. I got 2 in the end but not of what I wanted. She zoomed in right on the skull and had a good frontal picture of the face which is what I wanted. I should have asked, but never mind.

These are the pictures we got today.

Back in the waiting room, we sat for 2 seconds before being called by the consultant.

We had a little chat about the past 2 pregnancies and I mentioned that I had slightly high blood pressure at the end of my pregnancy with Ellis so the consultant decided that I should have fortnightly BP checks with my midwife from 20 weeks! He is having a laugh! I had no problems with Leo so I won't be doing that.

He didn't check my pee or BP which they did last time with Leo and we were sent on our way. We got home an hour after leaving which was great!

I have to go back at 36 weeks to see the consultant to talk about induction or c-section and then I have my 20 week scan in the first week of November. Can't wait!

Feeling really happy but totally exhausted. When Rob is away I have to wait until I could fall asleep standing up before going to bed, especially in the new house as all the new sounds and bangs keep me awake. I wake a lot in the night too so I ended up starting the day off tired. It's 9:45pm and I'm ready for bed but still got some blogging to do.

Now that people are reading and hopefully catching up, I can post more as I want this to be my diary where I can just spew my guts.

It was lush seeing Nugget again today and I can't wait for the 20 week scan. I so hope I feel it move before then.

Rob and I are starting to discuss if we should find out the sex or not. I think I would like to get organised with clothes and stuff if it is a girl but then if it is a boy we need to start thinking of a name as we struggle. I don't know, it would be lush to have a surprise but it is just too long to wait. Also if it is a girl I won't have time to go shopping for pink things, which I would want to do. Oh no, what am I going to do. Must put it to a vote I think. Please vote in the poll to help me decide!

1ST SCAN PIC - 13 WEEKS

I'm feeling really happy. We have announced to everyone that I can think of and everyone has had positive comments which has been nice.

I'm still constantly hungry but yesterday I had a bad tummy so only ate my meal at lunch and then I was done. I did have an apple to see if that would help.

I'm still surprised by how big I'm getting and how quickly. I think I need to sort my diet out or I'm going to end up huge again which wasn't good.

Pelvis is really good. I get a bit of burning sometimes but other than that, it isn't even clicking. Quite pleased about that. Maybe the fact that I'm not doing line dancing has helped.

The main questions everyone asks me are, was it planned and do you mind what sex it is? Well obviously the first question is yes it was very much planned but I think we were both very shocked with how quickly we did it. Happy obviously but surprised.

And the other question is simply no. I really don't mind this time. It's strange as with Leo I really wanted it to be a girl and I was a bit upset when they said boy. I can honestly say that I won't be disappointed at all if it is another boy and I'm already convinced it is anyway. I am almost considering not finding out so that we can have another surprise at the end. I think I might be a bit too impatient for that though, plus I would have to convince Rob too as he wants to find out. 7 weeks to decide.

I have another scan and consultant appointment tomorrow which I will blog about later. But for now here is one picture of Nugget and a short video of the folks finding out. This is a private blog with invitees only so I'm sure Mum won't mind.

FOLKS - 12 WEEKS, 5 DAYS

What another exciting day. We had the folks over to tell them about Nugget. It was actually quite hard to get them all together at the house and even in one room. They were all wandering around doing various things and I wanted to tell them as soon as they arrived so we had stuff to talk about. I also wanted to set the camera up to get their reaction but couldn't get to it to turn it on.

Mum jokingly said, your not going to tell us your pregnant are you?, I didn't respond and just waited for her to get in the living room when I said that Rob and I had some pictures taken yesterday and that I wanted to show them to them. It took a few seconds for them to realise that it was scan pics and my Mum just put her hand over her mouth and cried. Everyone else congratulated us and looked at the scan pictures. Mum was in total shock, Rob's Mum wasn't surprised and the Dad's were just happy but quiet.

Mum just couldn't get over it and didn't believe it for a very long time. I don't think she really does now. Think it will take her a while.

I spent the evening calling a few people to tell them which was nice but it did take up my whole evening and I'm not typing this very late and I still have to pack bags for tomorrow and shower before I can get to bed. Ah well, it will be fine.

OSCAR SCAN - 12 WEEKS 4 DAYS

What a very, very exciting day! Naomi came over this morning and I was going to tell her about Nugget when she produced a scan picture of her own little baby! I am so happy for her! I thought she might have been after a few things that were said/not said and done etc but obviously not 100%. I am 5 days behind her. How cool is that.

After congratulating her I told her I was too! She was so pleased and we chatted for ages about it all and she genuinely seems excited about going through it all at the same time together. I discussed AB classes and she is interested in attending so that will be even better.

She thinks she is having a girl but I am so sure it is a boy. Of course I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure I won't.

This afternoon Rob and I dropped the kids off with Saskia and Rory and went to the hospital for the Oscar scan. I went in to have some blood taken and then we walked over to Jaidan and Leighton's house for a cuppa and a chat before going back for the scan. The doctor was running late so we had to wait for a bit and then when we did go in it was a bit rushed. Good but done in a hurry.

I was really, really nervous that there would be nothing there, or something there but no heart beat. The picture came on the screen and I could see the sack but no baby, then there was a very big babies head on the screen as it was really zoomed in. He quickly zoomed out and I instantly saw a little heart fluttering away. The baby was moving a lot and the picture on the screen was really clear. The pictures didn't come out as well though, which is a shame.

He showed us all the important bits and then said we could listen to the heart. I wasn't expecting that so was pleasantly surprised. It was the sweetest sound.

I left the room so happy! I still can't quite believe it and I even said to the doctor I don't believe it.

Rob came out the room and said, "I'm worried about my foot". Typical bloke! He was well happy though and just as relived as me that everything was okay.

I have my dating scan and consultant meeting on Tuesday and Rob was going to take the day off work to come with me but there really isn't any need for him to come again. I would like Mum to come with me but I'm not sure who else can watch the boys. I'll think of something.

Just want to tell everyone now but would like to do it face to face as it's lush to see peoples responses. Sally suspects for some reason so she won't be too surprised and I think my Dad may be suspicious, but that's just his nature.

Will post new pics and scan pics once the PC has been set up again.

We told Ellis when we got home and showed him the pictures. We asked him to guess what the pictures were. First was a cat, then a dog, an owl and 4 foxes. We explained to him what it was, where it was etc and that Mummy's tummy was going to get big and I would go to hospital and come home with another baby. He was totally fine with it and said he wanted a baby sister. We asked him what he thought and he said, "i see, Daddy put the telly back on". Funny bugger.

I can't stop thinking about it now. Looking forward to the next few days.

LOTTY - 12 WEEKS, 3 DAYS

Told Charlotte today as she is on holiday for 9 days now and although I wanted to tell them all together, I thought it would be nice for her to know before she gets back.

Finally sorted out the time for getting the old folks over to tell them on Saturday. What a farce! Rob had double booked himself and I just wanted everyone to be happy, so I rearranged for everyone to come at 4pm for a few hours instead of coming over for the evening. Going to sort out a little something to thank everyone for all their help with the house move. Think Dad is a bit suspicious though.

Telling Lotty made it seem more real for some reason. I was really nervous telling her and I got all blotchy. She was really surprised which was lush.

This morning Lotty came over with a lovely card and a gorgeous gift. It is a box frame filled with pictures taken of us in and around our old house. Also in the frame is a heart shaped piece of map with our old road on and tiny beads spelling out our old road name. It was so sweet and I cried. She wrote a lovely letter too. It was brill.

Feeling shattered and haven't really thought too much about the scan yet. Probably wont until I'm on my way there. I hope all is well in there. Not long until we find out.

HOW BIG?

Oh my God I'm huge! I seriously don't think I can get away with this for much longer. I can't get over how big I've got, and how quickly.

Boobs are slightly bigger too which is great as I hate the saggy things I had before.

Hopefully the scan will go well, we can tell the folks on Saturday and then I can tell everyone. Not really sure how to tell my Mummy friends. I really wanted to tell them all together but pretty sure I wont be able to. The next evening together isn't until I'm about 16 weeks, when I will look about 8 months pregnant by then.

We have now moved house, and it was pretty hard work. I'm sure I was lifting stuff that was too heavy. I am glad no one knew at the time of the move as they would have been faffing over me I'm sure.

Looking forward to telling the boys. Leo won't have any clue but Ellis is going to love it. He is always saying he wants another baby brother.

Can't stop thinking about the scan. Hopefully post the pics on the weekend.

OSCAR BOOKED

I don't feel pregnant. I almost wish I woke up every morning and puked just once so that I know stuff is still going on.

My belly really is starting to get big now, to the point where I think there must be 2 in there! I just hope there is one in there growing nicely. Not long to find out.

My Mum must be loosing it! She keeps saying to me that she thinks I've lost weight! I'm huge and I don't know how much longer I can hide it!

I noticed tonight that my boobs seem a tiny bit fuller but they don't tingle any more.

I'm starting to see the issues with my stomach muscles already. I have funny pains and sensations but I am doing my exercises all the time so I am trying to keep it sorted. Pelvis has started to sting a little bit right at the front and to the right. It's only been in the last 2 days or so but I have been quite busy getting ready for the house move.

I finally booked the OSCAR scan for the 3rd Sept. Saskia has kindly agreed to have the boys which is ace as she is lush. I have to arrive at 4pm to give some blood then go back at 5pm for the scan. I so hope all goes well. We have the parents over in the evening to tell them. I think I'm going to say something like, "Rob and I have had some photos taken today, wanna see them?" and then just lay the scan pics out somewhere for them to see. I would love to video their initial response as you can never get it again. I might try and set that up too. This of course all depends on things being okay. Fingers crossed.

FFS! I just sent a text to Rob saying about hearing Nuggets heartbeat at my next appointment and when I checked back, it said I sent it to Charlotte! OH NO! Rob got the message too so I'm hoping it's just my phone being funny with me. I will have to wait and see.

Moving house in 1 day! Quite excited, bit sad, bit scared, bit happy etc. I just hope it goes smoothly and doesn't rain too much!

CHECKING IN

Apart from the ever expanding waist line, being pissy, tired and groggy all the time, I'm not really having any symptoms!

The weight is going on big time! My whole mental attitude towards food and eating changes drastically as soon as I receive that positive test result. I switch from diet coke to full fat, I buy full fat micro meals, crisp intake increases, I start to eat chocolate and actually look forward to having a dessert, I eat sweets, finish off the kids food and just generally eat a hell of a lot more than I normally do. No wonder I'm going to pack on the pounds! It's strange cause I get sad about getting too big but I don't do anything about it.

Touch wood, no pelvis issues yet, which is a good sign.

I had my checking in appointment with Judith last Tuesday and I now have my orange book! It was such a long appointment. I had left Ellis with my Mummy friends at the soft play and told them I was going across the road for a doctors appointment at 3:30. I left at 3:10 and didn't return until 4:40pm!! I had sent them a couple of text messages saying that the doctors were running late etc so I think they bought it. Time will tell.

The appointment went ok. Leo was screaching for most of it. The bloody student kept faffing with the computer and it just took forever! They had 3 attempts to take my blood too. I told the student where the vein was and where the best place was to insert the needle but she did it about 2cms too low. Then Judith had a go and she was too far left so eventually they listened to me and got it. Good job I don't care about needles.

Judith mentioned the previous c-section and the fact that I will never forgive them or let them forget how they messed up with Ellis, and she is right.

I made a fuss about being in a normal room at the hospital and Judith booked me into the Birthing Suite to see if we could get away with it.

I asked to be referred to the Physio lady again as I want to get a head start on the stomach muscle issue but she said I had to attend a class at the surgery first before I could be referred. Again I kicked up a fuss and said that the lady knows me, I saw her during pregnancy and for 6 months after so I'm pretty sure me attending an hour class telling me what exercises I need to do isn't actually going to help me. She backed down and said she would refer me. Good job I know what I'm talking about and I don't mind speaking up and asking for it.

I told her we were moving house and she said that I could stay with her or move to Marcia. I really would like to have Marcia because I like her but Judith knows me, and knows what I want and how much I want it. I think it may be best to stick with her as much as it pains me to admit that. Must give it some more thought. I have time, my next appointment isn't until the end of Sept.

Received my scan date letter today which isn't until 7th Sept! I can't wait another 3 + weeks to tell my folks. Hopefully going to get an Oscar scan booked in before that but with the house move on the 27th, not sure how we can fit it all in.

Struggling a bit at the moment. Boys are playing up, a lot, and it's really taking its toll on me. I just can't seem to cope with it at the moment. Hopefully things will get better once the move has been done and Ellis is settled back into going to pre-school. It will give me a little bit of a break too.

Going to be needing a lot of child care over the coming months. I hope my friends don't desert me as I really need them right now.

ICKY

Been a while since I posted an entry. Not really much to tell. Feeling constantly tired and sick like I need to eat. I then eat loads until I feel bloated and full, then 20 minutes later I have hunger pangs again. Exactly the same as I was with Leo.

Still not really giving it too much thought until I see the 12 week scan. I don't think I will really believe it until then.

All the eating is making me pack on the pounds! Not too worried about it though.

Still got lots on. 2 more weddings and a house move in the next 3 weeks so lots to keep my mind occupied.

We have decided to tell the folks by inviting them to the new house for a quiet evening. We can use the house as an excuse to get them both together at the same time, hopefully.

Think I'm 9 weeks today but will have to wait for scan to confirm that.

I have my checking in appointment tomorrow with Judith. Hopefully my Mummy friends will watch the boys for me so that I can go on my own, although I don't mind taking Leo. The weeks are ticking by quite quickly which is good at this stage I suppose.

SIGNS

Some things are different, some are the same. The difference being that I keep forgetting that I'm pregnant! The last 2 times I just thought about it all the time. This time Rob remembers and talks to me about it, but last time he kept forgetting.

Starting to feel pregnant now. I have exactly the same things happening to me this time as I did with Leo which also convinces me even more that it will be a boy.

I have hot flushes, usually after a meal, I constantly feel hungry. I can eat and eat until I feel sick where I am so full, then 20 minutes later I have hunger pangs again. It's a very fine line between feeling sick and feeling hungry. It's so hard not to eat as it makes me feel better but I'm worried about weight gain. I've already put on a few pounds and I certainly look bloated most of the time now.

My belly button is already sticking out so I know I will have the same stomach muscle issue as last time and I am certainly doing all the exercises to help.

I've started to feel rather groggy and lethargic in the afternoon and I struggle to get through it sometimes. It doesn't help that I have so much on right now. Roll on September when I can have my scan.

I have my booking in appointment in 10 days and I filled out the forms today so that's exciting.

Really looking forward to it all now, just fingers crossed that all is well.

TONGUE BITING

I'm finding it really hard to bite my tongue. It's almost as though I feel like it isn't a secret and that it is already out there. Everyone knows and I can just talk about it. I hope I don't let it slip. I keep thinking, what if I just blurt it out mid conversation and see if anyone notices! I saw Charlotte and Sally on Tuesday and I just really, really wanted to tell them. I don't really like keeping it to myself.

I've been thinking a lot about the future and stuff and I'm not really all that worried at the moment. I'm really looking forward to the scan as long as everything is okay and I really do think we would find out the sex again. I don't think I could wait. I'm really impatient and I don't want to put myself through the frustration of not knowing. I'm already convinced it's another boy as I'm getting spots already and everything feels the same as it did with Leo.

My pelvis has already started to click and I am nursing it and stepping up my reps on my exercises. I made my booking in appointment with the midwife today so that makes it even more exciting and real. Especially when you get the yellow book. I'm trying hard to be excited and hopeful but not overly confident. I would be gutted if there isn't a baby growing healthily in there so I need to keep my realistic head on.

Generally I'm starting to feel a tired lull around mid morning, and I can feel things going on like boobs stinging, cramping, feeling hot etc etc. I can best describe it like a warm ball inside, low down. Almost like I'm having a period really. I had the same with Leo but I don't remember with Ellis. With Ellis I just had really, really sore boobs!

So much going on right now! Keeping me busy and occupied though.

HOW FAR?

It's been a few days since I received the positive result and I haven't been able to get it out of my mind. The main reason being that I had Nicky's hen weekend this weekend and I wasn't able to drink! I was a bit worried about how I would get away with it so I had to tell Karen so that she could help me to cover it up. It worked and I'm pretty sure no one was suspicious.

Karen was really pleased and excited for us and it was really nice to have this secret together. Every now and then she would wink at me and I knew what she meant. It was fun. Also on the train on the way to Brighton she was saying about her daughter and niece being pregnant and said that there has to be a 3rd and it needs to be in my side of the family. I just said, yeh must be Kate then! HAHA!

I'm not really having any strong symptoms yet which is fine by me. I am tired but I think that is just from the busy weekend.

I wanted to do measurements and stuff like last time and again, I have no idea how far along I am. The babycentre website says 5 weeks and from my dates I make it 6 weeks today. So I will go with my dates for now until the dating scan.

Not sure when to book my booking in appointment but I better do it sooner rather than later as I'll be busy moving house and stuff.

The weekly pictures are probably going to be taken on Sunday as Rob isn't home on a Monday which is when I would be into my new week. That will change after the scan I expect. I should have taken one yesterday! Doh! Will do it tomorrow when Rob is home and will do my measurements then too. All exciting stuff.

I can't stop watching the video of the test result. Rob's face is so funny. He really wasn't expecting it to be positive!

I expect I will do a few posts over the next few weeks, just putting down my thoughts and anything that is going on with my body. I just keep my fingers crossed that Nugget is in there and growing healthily.

POSITIVE!

TESTING

I don't really know where to start. So many things have been going on. I still haven't come on and I'm on day 37. Of course it is still very possible I will come on tomorrow or even the next day etc but yet again I have totally convinced myself that I am pregnant. I feel pregnant and I've had so many things happen that I believe are symptoms! I'm a crazy person I know and I should have done a test last night but I just couldn't.

The reason I couldn't do a test yesterday is because we decided we will be moving house in 6 weeks and I just didn't want to add to my plate yesterday. But I will have to do one tomorrow as I have the hen weekend.

I haven't had much discharge today which usually means that my period is coming but I will be surprised if it does. Stinging boobs, increased discharge for 2 days before today, crying all the time, niggly headache and I could not stop weeing yesterday and I didn't drink any more than I usually would. It's all coincidental I'm sure and I'll look like a right idiot tomorrow. I have to go and buy another test though as the 2 I have are out of date. I should have just done it yesterday.

PHEW!

Still reading into everything. Had heart palpitations yesterday which I've only had when pregnant, boobs are still stinging every now and then but other than that, I'm not particularly tired and my appetite seems normal.

I seem really calm about it this month though. I expect to come on on Monday and I wouldn't be surprised. Saying that though I will probably end up crying about it all day or something. Which is another thing I've been doing recently, crying at the drop of a hat. Don't really get that saying but you know what I mean.

Have Nicky's hen weekend next weekend. Everyone is soooo excited and I would be more so if I didn't think that I might not be able to drink, not that I want to drink it's just the issue of trying to hide it from everyone.

Just found out my niece is pregnant so if I am this month, we will be due around the same time. We have the same birthday too!

I went to post this entry and then I suddenly realised that I had typed it out on the Top Flumps website! OMG! How could I possibly explain that? Luckily I noticed in time. Phew!

HATE

I hate waiting!

LEG CRAMP

In each pregnancy I've suffered with cramp in my legs. Today I have had cramp on and off and it reminds me of what it was like. Could it be another symptom, along with stinging boobs and being able to cry at the drop of a hat, or is it just my stupid hormones playing tricks on me? Still a week before I find out unless the dreaded blob arrives earlier than last month. I'm on day 29.

I recently found out that a good friend of mine just had her 2nd missed miscarriage. She found out at a scan, ouch! It really isn't very nice and that is now 2 friends, having 2 miscarriages within months. I do obviously think that could be me too, even more this time. I've been so incredibly lucky. 2 positive pregnancy tests and 2 baby boys. Keeping my fingers crossed for a third soon please.

I have really been thinking a lot about if we are to find out the sex of the baby or not. I say and think that I don't really mind what we have. A girl would be lush but a boy would be great too. We wouldn't have to buy a thing for a boy and I have so much stuff! I just don't know if I could wait the whole 9/10 months to find out. I think I would feel very unprepared. Will have to wait and see.

TARGET

Due to the fact that I have been unwell I haven't been eating properly and I lost a few pounds. This morning I got on the scales and I was at target weight of 11st 7lbs. Strangely I wasn't all that pleased as I have now started eating again and I know it will all go on again and I'll be 12st again before I know it. It's up to me I know but I just don't have the will power at the moment.

Boobs still stinging quite a bit. Not my whole boob but just mainly the nipple. I think it's just because my milk is finally drying up and nothing else.

Due on next week ish. My cycle is all over the place, which I'm not used to so I suppose I just wait and wait.

SMIRKING

I personally think that there isn't a chance in hell that we succeeded this month but I have to keep smirking to myself as I read into things. My boobs have been stinging and I'm sure I can see a blue vein sticking out and my discharge seems a bit strange.

I swear if we get a positive test this month, I will die laughing. Not that it is a laughing matter but I'm so sure we aren't that I will be laughing with shock!

MISSED

Defo missed it now. Hubby pissy with me so it wasn't to be tonight. Another month gone. Which means bigger age gap between Leo and Nugget, BOO!

Shit happens.

BABY BOAT

Think we missed the baby boat this cycle. Mainly because I've been ill but also because Rob works away so much! Think that may really hinder the active trying! Ah well, what will be will be.

Feeling a bit better today. Not great but not dying either. Hopefully on the mend now. Just need to eat more and get some energy back.

Rob's home tomorrow night and he already has his orders! He certainly isn't complaining! Haha!

Sally gave birth to her little boy this morning, 18 days early! William James, 6lb 12oz. I so want to hear her birth story but I will just have to be patient. Certainly getting broody now!

ILL

Feeling really ill at the moment. I haven't felt this bad since I had my chest infection one Christmas. My body is just hurting. Thankfully Rob is helping out.

That didn't stop us having an attempt last night though, although tonight may be out of the question. Basically because my cycle is up the swanny we just have to do it all the time! Maybe tomorrow instead.

THANK GOD!

Period now finished thank God. It was a horrible one. Hopefully I'm all cleared out and ready to have a baby in there now. Just need to get on with it I suppose. Working out any type of cycle is just going to be impossible so I might do the temperature thing and just keep an eye on my discharge.

On Thursday I saw Mum and she did her usual question of "not having any more?" and I had to really talk it up that I was going to get rid of the stuff etc. and that I was happy just being the 2 boys and that things were easier now and that I was just going to get on with living and not creating more life. I don't want to lie to her but I would like her to have a nice surprise.

I so want to tell everyone!

Feeling really down about my body size/shape. Need to just bite the bullet and get on with my diet and exercise now! I'm just finding it so hard. I'll get there in the end.

Still not sleeping well, not sure why really but it is really effecting me. Hopefully get a good night tonight but I doubt it as it is already quite late and I have to wait for Rob to get home from my Mum and Dad's to let him in.

Fingers crossed that this is the month. Will be tricky to hide if we do as I have a hen weekend and 3 weddings to get through but I could do it.

BAD

This is not a good period. So painful and heavy. I want it finished, now.

WET BLANKET

I was still in doubt until this morning! Period has officially arrived and it is horrid. Very painful and heavy almost immediately. Something was definitely odd this month but ah well. I've sort of stopped doing my head in about it. Well every now and then anyway.

Last night I was still thinking there could be a possibility, even after I saw a little bit of bright pink blood when I went to the loo. Could have just been some spotting? Well I am without doubt today and I'm pissy as hell!

Had a rough start really. Kids were playing up to my bad mood which always makes things that much worse. Ellis is in pre-school now and Leo is in bed so I'm having a sit down to write this. Then I'm going to go and scrub the windows I think.

I now have more time to sort out my eating and exercise and do measurements and weight etc

I really should stop complaining. I've had it easy in the past compaired to some and I do have 2 healthy, happy boys. I sound like such a wet blanket. SNAP OUT OF IT!

Rob has been really good about it. He has been giving me cuddles and phoned me a minute ago to ask how I was doing, which was nice.

I have now realised that I am unable to be relaxed and not worry, and not count days, and not find out when I'm ovulating etc. It just isn't possible for me and I clearly won't be able to relax until I see a little heart beat on the 12 week scan! NUTS!

I'm so excited about adding to our brood. I wasn't sure I was ready but I am now. I've done a lot of thinking over the last couple weeks and I can't wait to have another baby. I may have to though.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

Been feeling really disappointed and confused since doing the test. If I'm not pregnant, which according to that I'm not, then where is my period? I have never missed a period, apart from when I was pregnant with the 2 boys and this will be the longest cycle ever! What is going on?

I think I'm on day 37 at the moment. Maybe I did the test too soon. I mean we only had sex 2 weeks ago. How long do I wait before I do another one? I just can't get my head around it all. I shouldn't really be doing my head in about it anyway. What will be will be and we said we would just be relaxed about it all and see what happens.

Went out tonight for Naomi's surprise 30th meal. I tried really hard to be my usual, trying to be funny self but I'm not sure I managed it. I didn't drink just in case which wasn't hard to hide as everyone barely had a drop anyway. It did help to keep my mind off it quite a lot but then again there were 2 pregnant ladies there so we talked about it a lot. I did get to feel Sally's baby moving though which was a highlight of the evening.

Right, need to get my make-up off and get to bed as I have to look after the little munchkins in the morning.

EH?

TACT

No period yet and I haven't done a test but I did buy one at least. Why do they put them in plain white boxes with huge bold lettering "PREGNANCY TEST". Luckily the shop was really quiet as I don't know how I would explain that away if I bumped into someone I knew.

I really want to keep it a secret for as long as possible if I am, but I'm just bursting to talk to everyone about it! I haven't even done a test yet!!!!

Yes, I'm crazy. But in a good way, I think ;o)

Slight head ache and hot flushes this morning, still normal discharge and I do think my boobs were tingling a little last night and look a bit fuller in my bra today! Not reading into it obviously :o)

Will do test this weekend some time.

TORTURE

Um, still no period but I am having a lot of hot flushes and just generally feeling like my core body temp is higher than normal. I should just do a test but I can't.

Just seen Sophie and Vivien and of course I had to talk to them about it. So exciting being able to share it especially with them. I would like to keep it a secret though. I don't even know if I am but I'm talking like I am. Put it this way, if the test is negative, I would be very surprised. :o)

I don't know why I'm torturing myself. Perhaps I like it!

MESSED UP

I think I may have messed up my dates. Last period was 30th April and my cycle is about 33 days long, so there is still a possibility I could come on tomorrow or the next day. I will do test on Friday if I haven't come on by then.

DENIAL

I wonder how long I can leave it before doing a test?! How long can I keep denying it!? I really can't believe it if I am. It's crazy. One quicky at the end of my cycle and duddah!

Obviously that would be amazing and I am truly blessed to be able to get pregnant just like that when I know so many others struggle. I read a lot of infertility blogs and I really feel for them. I sort of understand why they feel so guilty now when they do get pregnant and get scared of announcing it so as not to upset their fellow blog readers. It's a tricky one.

I was thinking in the shower last night (which is where I do the most thinking) and I was suddenly feeling really guilty. I felt sorry for Ellis and Leo. They will have to share Mummy even more and I felt like I missed a bit of Ellis growing up when Leo was born as I was struggling to cope with a new baby. I don't want to miss a moment of them growing up! What will be different this time? It will be hard but I think it wont be as big a shock as going from one to two. With Rob still being away 3 nights a week will make things that bit harder and we still haven't found a house we like. There is just nothing coming on! I'm sure it will all work out.

I weighed this morning. Not happy at all. I was 11st 12lbs. 5lbs over my target weight! Rob has set up running machine now so hopefully will start on that soon.

CONVINCING

As every minute and then hour ticks by I am getting myself more and more convinced that I am pregnant. My head is working at 100 miles an hour and I just can't go to bed yet as I know I won't go to sleep. I still have normal discharge, I'm getting a headache, some cramping, but just generally not really feeling like my period is going to start. I so hope my body isn't playing some sort of cruel joke on me. I suppose it is still early and I have been know to have a longer cycle than 33 days so there is still plenty of time.

I found a spare pregnancy test today and I was going to do it tonight but then chickened out. Probably do on Wednesday or maybe Friday if I haven't come on by then.

I'm sort of already planning ahead, which again I said I wouldn't do. I have Naomi's 30th birthday on Saturday and Sally is driving me so that I can drink! What story could I possibly tell them? Then I have a pre hen weekend where I have been told to stay over so I can have a few to drink, then I have 3 weddings to go to in August! I've just worked out though that I will be over 12 weeks by then so I could tell them for that. But what about the hen weekend! I have no idea how to get around that one. I think I may just carry a bottle of Bud around with me to make it look like I'm drinking. Oh dear!

Just in case, I got Rob to take a flabby belly picture for my 0 week picture, although if I am pregnant it is actually about 5 weeks. Pretty sure it wouldn't make much difference.

NOPE

No discharge today which is usually a sure sign that my period will start either tomorrow or the next day which is when I'm due anyway. Pretty certain we didn't do it this month.

Really not feeling well still. Achy body and fatigued. Hopefully feel better tomorrow, although if my period arrives I doubt I will be too happy about that.

CRAPPY

Feeling really horrid. Gut ache and just generally feeling sick. Didn't get much sleep last night so that wouldn't help. I really thought I could be relaxed about the whole thing third time around but I just can't stop thinking about it all.

I'm not happy about my body right now. Rather than doing something about it though, I just ate cake! I'm an idiot.

KEEP COOL CRAZY WOMAN!

I really didn't want to be doing this but I just can't stop thinking about it and getting my hopes up! It's crazy what TTC can do to you.

Just need to keep my cool and expect my period on the weekend.

PERIOD PAINS

Been getting such horrible period type pains today. Not nice. The thing is, I'm not due on until Sunday, maybe Monday so bit early to be getting pains and my discharge is still normal too. A bit more than normal I suppose though. How strange. I'm not reading into things, honest!

MIGHT BE?

I might be pregnant! How crazy is that! Basically we started trying for Nugget earlier than originally planned. I just thought I'm right at the end of my cycle, what are the chances!? I suppose it only takes one time. Time will tell. Very excited if I am.

I haven't taken a 0 week picture for a few reasons. Obviously we have already started trying and I haven't taken one yet but I will do. I'm just really disappointed in myself. I haven't got rid of my baby weight from Leo yet which I'm not happy about. I know it's down to me to do and I did get within 3/4 lbs of my target weight but then I just put it all back on. Still have 1/2 a stone to go to target weight. I wanted to do measurements like last time as a comparison but I'm not sure I want to see the differences.

I finished feeding Leo a while ago now and my milk has dried up which is strange as they have been leaking since I first got pregnant with Ellis in 2006! My boobs aren't what they once were and I don't like them but Rob does so that's good. They are still the same size but certainly not the same shape.

My biggest worry is the size of my flabby belly. Fat and skin. And the skin is horrible as it is covered in stretch marks. Not a pleasant sight and I suppose I should try and get used to it.

Really looking forward to being pregnant again and who knows in 2 weeks time I might be! I really don't think so though. I don't think I'm going to bother working out my ovulation dates and stuff this time. I might just leave it to fate. See what happens. I don't want to be living my life by a monthly cycle and getting my hopes up all the time. I also don't want my thoughts taken over with am I or aren't I etc.

Most people will be surprised I think although those closest to me probably won't be. Charlotte hasn't been convinced by my crappy lies about not having any more babies and there are quite a few people that know we are going for a 3rd. Most of the AB girls know, my yoga lot and Caroline. That's quite a lot really. I won't tell them I'm actually pregnant though until I've told family and a few other important people in my life.

I keep thinking I would like to do things different this time. Not calculating my ovulation dates is one already, not telling anyone is different too. Also I thought I might do the test on my own and then tell Rob in a nice way, some how. Or I might not tell anyone and just wait for bump to tell everyone. I wonder how far along I could get before anyone asks? Not long with a gut my size already.

My last period came and went with no problems. It wasn't heavy or that painful which was good.

I was starting to get a bit impatient with waiting until the end of May but now that we have brought it forward a bit I'm okay. I think due date if we were successful this month would be early February. Not sure and I'm not going to be doing that every month either. Plus I have loads of events and things coming up this summer that I will need to make sure if I'm pregnant or not before I go. I have a hen weekend, a pre hen night, 2 weddings etc etc.

Today I went shopping and I bought a dress for the weddings! I'm really stupid as I might not be fitting them in 2 months time so I'm going to have to take them back and going shopping nearer the time.

It's all good though and I'm feeling rather positive about it all. Yes it will be very hard, extremely hard even, but I think the shock of going from 1-2 kids is going to be far greater than just adding to the bunch. Bring it on!

PERIOD FINISHED

I weighed tonight, after dinner and I was 11st 13lb so hopefully in the morning I'll be less than that. The diet is going really well apart from today as I have eaten loads of Easter egg, but generally speaking I am finding it easier. I don't think about it all day and I'm not eating stuff just for the sake of it. I'm pleased about that as now I know my weight will steadily start to go down and I will feel happier about it.

My first period has now finished. The first 3 days were horrible but after that it was fine. Not looking forward to the next one.

I said to Rob today, "should we just start this month?", I was only kidding though as my due date if we were successful would be 2nd January 2011 and I think that is way too close to Christmas.

I really can't wait to be pregnant again, and to go through that whole experience. I hope everything runs smoothly. Of course I am worried about coping with 3 but I'm sure it will be fine. Ellis will be that bit older and will be going to pre-school at least 3 days a week and depending on when baby is born, Leo will be in pre-school not long after etc. I think it will be fine, hard, but fine.