LOVING IT - 1 MONTH 2 WEEKS 2 DAYS OLD

Loving being a new Mummy again. I don't know why but it feels different this time around. Different good. I'm really enjoying it and feel reasonably relaxed about everything.

Tonight I gave Oscar a big feed then again put him in his bed wide awake and just walked away. He is still there now and it is 23:15pm. I so hope this is the beginning of a pattern.

The feeding seems to have settled down at the moment and there is a slight routine forming but I'm not looking into it too much. I'm just going with the flow to a certain extent.

I managed to hand express again this morning. Not sure how successful I was until I put it into a bottle to see how much I have. I will try and do it regularly to build up a supply but it is hard going and hard to find the time to do it.

Had a busy busy day again but feel good about it. I managed to hoover the whole house this morning and do a bit of sorting, as well as express, feed, change nappies, sort the washing, feed everyone, did the dishwasher, shoe shopping for Ellis, food shopping and snack time in Sainsbury's cafe. Had Lisa over for a visit late afternoon and a man picked up the 3 seater sofa after I had put the boys to bed. I then tried to get as much ready as possible for tomorrow as it will be the first time I have to be somewhere at a certain time. Hope it goes well but I'm already feeling tired thinking about it. Suppose I should get to bed really. Another late night!

BOTTLE - 1 MONTH 2 WEEKS 1 DAY OLD

Oscar has been a really good boy today, which makes a change from last night when he was just really pissy for some reason.

He went to sleep quite late last night but only fed at 2am and not at 5am so when we got up at 7am, my boobs were full and sore. I knew I had to express a bit if I was to get any comfort so I hand expressed directly into a sterile bag which didn't work that well but I managed to get 3fl oz while being harassed by Leo.

Oscar fed and slept really well today which was nice and I was able to get a few things done.

He did sleep in bed with me all night last night though as I couldn't get him to settle not even in his chair.

I was just looking back at some old pictures and videos of Leo. Oscar and Leo look so alike. Leo was given a bottle at the same time as Oscar and it was 3fl oz too so that must just be the amount I can express at the moment. I hope to find time to express more and build up a supply so that I can go out in the evening and leave Oscar at home.

So this afternoon Rob gave Oscar a bottle for the first time. Half way through Ellis grabbed the bottle and decided to have a go. He did it really well and it was lush to watch. In the video he says about milk comes from boobies and cows. The milk in the bottle came from Mummy's boobies. So cute,but I put my finger over the microphone so you can't actually hear it.

He had a nice long feed from 7 - 8pm and then I put him in his bed wide awake. I expected him to scream for me a few minutes later but he didn't and it is now 23:13pm and he is still asleep!

My boob is full now though so hope he wakes for a feed soon.

Off for shower and bed now as I'm shattered.

HIP SCAN - 1 MONTH 1 WEEK 4 DAYS OLD

Took Oscar to the hospital this morning to have his hips scanned. I was worried about the parking but I left with plenty of time and I parked by the maternity services and walked to the radiology department. I sat for about 5 minutes before being called in and as I went in I saw Kath. Kath was in the bed opposite me when I went in for the c-section. Kath and I had a quick chat and then I had to go to the appointment.

I laid Oscar down on a stretcher and lifted up his grow and vest and took him into the scan room. The sonographer took him and laid him on his side in between some cusions. She put some jelly on his hip and then started scanning. He didn't cry just wriggled a little bit. I could see the hip joint on the screen and she did some measurements, turned him over, scanned again and then said that everything looked fine and that I would receive a letter in the post confirming that.

I saw Kath again on the way out and said I would leave my name and number at the reception desk if she was interested in meeting up.

I was in and out in no time.

Then this afternoon I went for my 6 week check up with a list of things I wanted to ask about. I checked in and was called pretty much as I sat down, unheard of! Apparently people hadn't been turning up all day so they had loads of time. The doctor was lovely and very friendly. I said that I wanted to get my all my moles checked out so she started on my arms and then just asked if I wanted to strip basically and get the rest checked, which I did. She went round putting her finger on pretty much every single one. So relived that they are all fine and she didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all. Then I asked if she could prescribe some Lactulose as I'm struggling to poo at the moment, plus it kills because of the lovely piles! Nice huh!?

Next on the list was going back on the pill and I thought she would do my blood pressure but she didn't bother. She then checked my tummy and my scar and said they both looked very good.

Before I left she asked if I was getting on okay, if I was bonding with Baba etc and I said that things were going great and probably better than when it was just Ellis and Leo as they occupy each other and I get time with just Oscar. Lush!

I took all the prescriptions over to the chemist and arrived home by 4:15pm and my appointment was only 4pm. Pretty good going.

Oscar is starting to really smile and talk to you. It's so lush! I will try and get some on video but it's hard as as soon as they see the camera they forget what they were actually doing.

He is stirring now and I'm tired so off to bed for me. 10pm seems to be my new bedtime, but I don't mind as I need the sleep. Oscar wakes around 10pm for a feed and can then go to about 2am and then again at 4/5am before we get up around 7am. Not too bad really.

PRESCRIPTION - 1 MONTH 1 WEEK 3 DAYS OLD

Forgot to mention in my video that I gave Oscar some tummy time for the first time on the 16th April and he did pretty well.

COLIC - 1 MONTH, 4 DAYS OLD

This is my 100th post on this blog!

I really didn't realise how colicy Oscar was until Saskia came over on Monday and suggested I tried Colief to see if it would help. You would not believe the difference! It is like having a totally different baby. He isn't screaming out in pain and is able to have restful sleep which he is doing quite a lot of now. It's just like how I thought it would be. Give him a good feed and then let him sleep in his chair for a bit. I feel so much better now and I just hope that it continues. I know he isn't going to keep sleeping all the time but at least now I feel like he is feeling better which means I am.

The only problem with Colief is that it cost £10.97 a bottle! You can get it on prescription and I will ask when I go for my 6 week check up but I don't think they will let me for some reason.

I'm having issues with the name again. What a nightmare! I keep calling him Oliver! I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I should give changing his name any serious thought or not! Have to wait and see.

Last night Rob and I attempted to do the hand and foot casts like we did for the older boys. I really forgot how tricky it is. Oscar did really really well though. He cried a lot but settled and went back to sleep okay. We did quite a few attempts but we won't know how well they turned out until the weekend. We may have to do some more, I certainly hope not, and Rob even more! He even said he wouldn't have any more children as he never wants to do the casting again. I can't say I blame him, it is a complete arse but I do love that we have done it.

My skin is changing and my hair has slowly started to fall out. I'm getting spots again and my hair needs washing more often which is great now I have lots more free time, NOT!

I've been on my own this week with all 3 of the boys and so far so good. I'm actually really enjoying it but it is really hard work. I really don't stop, other than to feed and even then I have to get up and do stuff. Today I was feeding when I got Leo out of his high chair, up the stairs and into his cot for nap time. Don't know how I managed it really. Oscar did come off while I was zipping Leo into his sleeping bag though. I'm not wonder woman!

I took all 3 of them to Leo's music class and it all just went really well. Too well in fact as I'm waiting for it all to go tits up! I'm not being negative, far from it, I'm just taking each day as it comes and hoping for the best. I'm certainly trying very hard and I hope it continues to be so enjoyable. I'm certain there will be bad days but like I said, just taking it as it comes for now.

1 MONTH OLD

Oscar was 1 month old today so I took some pictures. He is now in 0-3 month clothes and I've started to pack up and give away the newborn stuff. Sniff, sniff. I've also started to put my maternity stuff away. I will keep it for a while until some time has passed.

Leo at 1 month.

Ellis at 1 month.

HEAVY - 3 WEEKS, 6 DAYS OLD

The last few nights I've been tying to get Oscar to settle in his own bed. The first night which was Monday worked out really really well. He had a bath with the big boys, had a big feed after story time then went in his crib for the first time and stayed there! He didn't wake for ages and I fed him around 10ish and then just before midnight and on both occasions he went back down in his bed.

Then last night I tried to do a similar thing but it just didn't work out. He didn't end up being settled in bed until 10pm and then tonight he had a bath with his big brothers, had a feed and I tried to put him down but he wasn't having any of it. 2 nappy changes and 2 feeds later I eventually got him in bed at nearly 10pm! I had been trying from 7:15pm! I did manage to have a shower and wash my hair but I could hear him crying the whole time.

Sara the health visitor came yesterday. She is really nice and I've seen her loads of times before with Leo. We went through lots of leaflets and information and answered loads of questions about health etc. Oscar was weighed and he was 9lb 7oz which is following along the 75 centile line, pretty much the same as Ellis.

Sara mentioned that if I get very heavy discharge, stringy discharge or lots of blood/clots that I could have an infection. Well as it happens I've started to get stringy discharge so I'll ring her tomorrow just to double check that is what she said.

We talked a lot about feeding and about how Oscar is very colicky and has green poo because of it. He does cry a lot and I've started him on Infacol to see if that will help.

We won't be seeing Sara now for another 2 weeks but it will be a home visit which is nice.

Rob went to register Oscar yesterday afternoon so it is now official, yay!

Can't believe how quickly baba is growing. He is in size 2 nappies now and will shortly be wearing 0-3 month clothes. I really will need to buy clothes for him though as he is totally out of season with the clothes I used for the older boys. All the newborn outfits I have are short sleeved, short legged rompers and short dungarees and little t-shirts. Really not warm enough for a newborn so he is living in grows which to be honest is just the easiest thing anyway.

I've already started to get sad about getting rid of all my baby/maternity stuff. I will have to do it one day but I just can't let go yet, so I won't. I can bag/box it up and get rid when I'm sure we have finished, in about 10 years from now!

Blogging progress is still very slow but I feel like I have to do these little updates before I forget it all! I have notes for the first week or so of Oscar's life so I can do that any time.

Going to phone the car insurers tomorrow to see if they will let me drive. Fingers crossed. Think Rob is going back to work Monday so I will need to start lifting Leo soon. He isn't too heavy though so shouldn't be too bad.

Late night again but if I want to get anything done then that's just how it will have to be.

SCRUMMY - 3 WEEKS 5 DAYS OLD

TOUGH GOING - 3 WEEKS, 4 DAYS OLD

I really am trying to do blogging but it would seem that my evenings are going to be taken up with feeding, burping and changing. I can't type one handed so I'm just going to have to try and do some during the day, hence this entry which I'm manically trying to type out while Oscar is sleeping, Ellis is watching TV and Leo is in hospital with Daddy. Long story which will eventually be told.

So just to catch up, things are still manic at home. I'm recovering well but I have been over doing it recently and I'm achy and sore by the evening. I keep forgetting that I am recovering from surgery.

The health visitor phoned to arrange an appointment but then I had a further call a few days later to say that they had to rearrange it and it isn't until tomorrow now so I haven't seen anyone for ages now! I have no idea how heavy Oscar is.

So yes, he now has a name. Oscar Wallace, and we will be registering him tomorrow afternoon. I didn't force the issue with Rob, I just asked him to consider it and he said that I could have it. The middle name became an issue again but Rob eventually got bored of thinking about names so agreed Wallace too. I said if we have another baby, he can name it, unless it's a girl then I must have a say.

I'm working on my birth story and subsequent days in hospital but it's slow going and the entries are going to be massive!

I'm still rather large, 13st 2lbs yesterday and my normal weight is around 11st 7lbs so have a long way to go yet.

I managed to get my size 12 jeans on on Saturday. I really couldn't breathe, bend or sit down though and they wouldn't be comfortable to wear for a long time but it was a nice boost for me. That being said, my eating is terrible! I can't stop eating chocolate and cake etc. It's really not like me.

My hair hasn't started to fall out yet which is great and my bleeding stopped a couple of weeks ago which was really early I thought.

The scar is looking quite good. There is one area that hasn't healed yet but it's getting there. My belly is minging though and always will be.

I've put my wedding ring back on but it is still rather tight. Engagement ring will definitely not fit for a while yet. I'm not ready to diet or watch my eating. I just have too much on my mind to worry about it.

Rob went back to work, just for Thursday and Friday morning and my Mum came over to stay with us to help out, because I still can't lift Leo and I can't drive. It was great to have her here.

I slept on the sofa the night Mum was here. It actually worked really well as I didn't have to get in and out of bed to reach Oscar and I was really comfortable. I tried it Saturday night too but it don't go very well at all. Oscar just ate and ate and ate and wouldn't settle, not even on me. I think he may have been trying to increase my milk supply as I had none left on the night time but I have noticed that yesterday and today my boobs seem fuller. They will hopefully die down a bit soon.

Oscar is a very very windy baby and so I decided to give Infacol a go. It may do nothing but it makes me feel better that I'm doing something. He is screaming now because of wind and it makes things very tricky as in between feeds he doesn't really sleep soundly for any amount of time. It's still early days I know and I'm sure things will improve. You really do forget how hard the early days are.

Just having a newborn baby would be hard on it's own but we have Ellis and Leo too. The pressure has really been put on us recently with me having the section, Rob being ill, Leo and Ellis were ill then they got better, then when Mum was staying with me Ellis hurt his ankle and had to go to A&E then Leo fell from his stool and hit his head then started to be sick, so he went to A&E and has since been sick again so has gone back to A&E today! It all happens at once! Ellis is still limping away and running with his foot turned in, Rob is still at A&E as I type this but should shortly be coming home, I'm sore and achy from doing too much yesterday and today and Rob is struggling too. We seem to be quite up beat though considering everything.

I'm really not looking forward to Rob going back to work. It's going to be hard.

3 WEEKS OLD

2 WEEKS 4 DAYS OLD

2 WEEKS OLD

DISCHARGED - 1 WEEK, 5 DAYS OLD

I really want to blog but finding a slot of time to put some thought and effort into it is in short supply. Nugget doesn't seem to settle that well in the evenings and just wants cuddles or feeds.

Things are going okay. It's great having Rob home and I have no idea how it will all work out once he is back to work but that won't be for a bit yet.

I'm still rather sore on my right side and whenever I go for a wee I have lots of stinging inside. Can't really explain it but it isn't very comfortable. I haven't complained too much though and I haven't taken any pain killers either.

The boys are still being amazing with him. Leo is getting more gentle and just loves to give him a kiss and cuddle. Ellis likes to soothe him by rubbing his belly and holding his head. It's very sweet. I also love that they don't seem overly bothered by him either. It's like he has always been here, even though it isn't even 2 weeks yet!

His cord fell off last Thursday night when he was a week old. It is a bit bloody, crusty etc but the midwife said it was fine. Think it is going to be an inny.

Baba doesn't really have a sleeping pattern although he is much more settled during the day than at night. He has been sleeping in his blue chair inside the crib which works better I think. Last night was a terrible night. He had trapped wind or something so I ended up feeding him lying down and he stayed in bed with us all night. I "slept" in the most awkward position and was constantly worried about him being smothered or squashed! Hope tonight is different.

The biggest and hardest issue right now is his name. I have my heart set on something and I love it but Rob hates it and won't back down. I've really tried to be open minded about other names etc and came up with another name but that was shot down too. To me, he is Oscar Wallace George. I've been thinking it for a long time, before he was born, and he looks like an Oscar, it goes well with Ellis, Leo and George and it's a bit different but not crazy like our other names and basically I love it. I'm gutted that Rob doesn't agree and I'm trying hard to put it out of my head and concentrate on finding something else but after looking though the name book again and going online, I'm still not happy with any.

Today Rob read through a list of names and I had to pick out names I liked. I picked a few but they weren't really what I wanted. Oscar, Max, Bailey, Oliver, Stanley. Oscar first choice obviously, second Max but even that isn't what I would like, Bailey is okay, Stanley makes me laugh every time I say it so don't think that is a goer and Oliver is a nice name but not one I want. HELP!!!!!!! Rob is really trying to come up with other possibilities but I can't budge. I feel sick and want to cry about it! How pathetic! But it's something so important. We both have to be happy with it and it just isn't working out. One of us will have to give in and I'm pretty sure it will have to be me this time. Gutted.

I want to start work on my birthing story but finding time in the evenings, between feeds, winding, changing, showering, tiding up etc I'm not left with a lot of time. I have time but in short bursts which isn't great for writing as I would lose my place. Also I am sat in front of the computer when feeding but it means I have to do everything one handed which is a nightmare! Especially when it's only my left hand free. I will get there in the end.

I've been discharged from the midwife already and should get a visit from the health visitor at some point. My midwife Judith is on holiday so a lady called Sue came over. The first time she was here she just asked a few questions, wrote a few things down in my notes and that was it. She called me on the Thursday after for a chat and I just told her that I was concerned about a couple of things with my tummy pain etc so she said someone would come and see me on Friday. Stayed in all day Friday and nobody came. Bit rubbish. She called me on Monday and sort of apologised and then came out in the afternoon. She checked my scar and said it looked good and that if I was having pain at my 6 week check that I was to tell my GP then. She had a look at Baba's cord and said it was fine and weighed him. He is near enough back to his birth weight of 8lb 3oz.

My baby bump is going down. Was going to take pictures but I'm not sure now. I weighed the day I got home from the hospital and I was 13st 13lbs! I weighed again a few days later and I was down to 13st 5lbs already. I'm eating well although craving bad food and I'm obviously quite busy so I'm hoping the baby weight will come off quite quickly this time. I'm not worried about it though. Might do going down measurements too yet, I'm undecided.

I forgot how much of a roller-coaster ride it is at the beginning. I'm up then down, all around and back again and in one day too! Rob is dealing with it quite well although I've asked him to be a bit more fluffy with me. Not sure he can but he will give it a go.

I tried to put some maternity clothes in a bag for the charity shop tonight but was unable to do it. I ended up just hanging it all back up as I was feeling sad that I might never wear them again. I can't keep having babies, for lots and lots of reasons but I'm not ready yet to close the door on that chapter of my life. It has been such a huge part of my life for the past 4 and a bit years. Will I ever be able to let it go? Not sure on that.

Baba is calling, got to go!

RAMBLINGS OF A MAD WOMAN - 6 DAYS OLD

Midwife finally arrived, Sue, and she ran through a few things. Didn't check his cord but did do the heel prick test which went really well. She put his foot in some warm water first and then pricked it. He jumped but didn't cry. The blood flowed rather than her squeezing the foot to pieces like they did with Leo and it was actually not that bad.

She asked me some questions and we talked a bit about breastfeeding and that was it. I will get a phone call on Thursday and another visit after that and I expect that will be it.

Last night wasn't a particularly good night. He woke up and fed but then wouldn't go back off so I was awake for just over 2 hours feeding, changing, burping and trying to put him back down. We didn't have the heating on last night so don't know if that made any difference.

Feeling very sad today. For lots of reasons. Feeling happy too obviously but these bloody hormones, which I'm blaming by the way are causing havoc with my emotions. I'm sad because I won't be pregnant again but also relived about that, I'm sad that I will never experience giving birth again, but also relived about that, I'm sad that Rob works so far away and it makes me nervous to think about how I will cope on my own, I'm sad that everyone is ill and that we don't have any get up and go, I'm nervous about going out, generally worried about everything and very teary. I don't feel tired as such but I feel worn out. Not sure that makes sense. I look in the mirror and see this yellow, hanging thing, and that's me! Not really sure what to do with myself. I'm still a bit wheezy and chesty and I'm very annoyed that we haven't got a name for Baba yet. My head is working overtime and my body can't keep up. I can't even get my head around having visitors. People are asking to pop in and I'm getting worried about, strange I know. Like I said, just generally worrying about stuff and keep crying about it all. I sort of remember feeling like this last time and I know it will pass, which is what I keep telling myself but it's hard to live through it.

I'm very concious of the fact that this baby may be the last and I want to cherish every squeak, wriggle, squirm, smell etc before it's all gone. They do change so quickly and I really do love this stage even if they do keep you up at night.

Rob worked out the age gap in days between are babies. There are 660 days between Ellis and Leo and 653 between Leo and Baba. That's just one week shy of being the exact age gap! Pretty good timing.

Last night I did the last injection in my belly. It didn't hurt going in but I think I may have done the plunger a bit fast as when I removed the needle I bled a bit. Not happened before, and I had a small lump under the skin. Not sure it worked properly but it's done now and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I wished I had practiced in hospital now while I could have asked questions.

Blood loss is minimal, I have a bruise on my hand from the cannula, it still feels a bit funny when I wee, especially the very last bit, my wound stings and my belly is quite tender to the touch from the belly button down. Not sure if the muscle stitching together has worked yet but time will tell.

Need to phone the physio and book an appointment and also the GP for my 6 week check-up.

Taking all the pain killers I can so that I can try and get on with things. I would say the hardest thing at the moment is not being able to lift Leo up.

Baba is feeding well, sometimes he has big gaps between feeds but the last one was only 1hour 30 mins. He doesn't do big poos yet but his bum is a bit sore. He could do with some nappy off time but it's too cold for that.

My friend Delia is coming over to take some pictures tomorrow which should be interesting. Can't wait to see what she gets. Because of this Rob and I are going to give Baba his first bath tonight. I bet he screams the place down! Will try and video it like we did the others.

I have tons of pictures and videos to post and I think I will try and make a start on that this evening.

Everything is so up in the air. I know it will all sort itself out and I'll soon be back into my routines with new ones added. It's just the getting there I suppose.

HOME - 5 DAYS OLD

We're home. First night in his own bed last night didn't go that badly really. I think I was quite comfy feeding which made it nicer for me and I wasn't in a rush to get back to bed so it was more relaxed altogether. In fact he slept in and I pretty much had to wake him up!

Midwife is due to come today to check everything but nothing yet and it's 3pm.

Was feeling really good this morning and did loads. Put all the clean clothes away, unpacked all my bags, did a bit of cleaning, put some washing on, sorted through some paperwork and just generally pottered about. I'm so feeling it this afternoon though. Feel achy, sore, my back is hurting and just generally weak. I've had some pain killers an hour ago but not made much improvement. I need to start eating the right foods to give me some more energy. My iron levels are border line for treatment so really need to boost them if I can which will help me feel better all over.

I will soon start to type up my birth story and subsequent stay in hospital but there is so much to do that I'm not sure how long it will take me. I really want to do it though while it's all still very fresh!

The biggest issue since getting home is Leo. He is very hard work and just drains the life out of you. Bless him though, he is just a bit bored and wants attention. Rob is unwell and I'm not up to much this afternoon so he has been pretty annoyed with us. Rob is doing stacking cups with him at the moment and he is happy.

Ellis has been very helpful and a very good big brother. How easy would it be with just Ellis and Nugget! Leo loves the baby and is very good with him. A bit over zealous at times but that's to be expected. He is different then Ellis was with him. It's quite good that they have each other and not showing too much interest in Nugget just yet.

The name!! Ah man it is driving me mad that Nugget doesn't have one yet. I really like Oscar but Rob will not back down on that one and doesn't like it. Fair enough but we haven't found anything else yet. I will hit the books/websites tonight and hopefully come up with something soon as I'm fed up of being asked about it too.

Right that's enough for now. Be back soon ish.

DAY 5 - 4 DAYS OLD

12:05am Day 5 Baba was sleeping. It didn't last long and he was soon constantly feeding and not settling.

He eventually slept from 4am - 6am when the checks were done by Sarah. I fed him again and she wrapped him up and he slept then until 9am.

We snoozed and fed and just generally relaxed during the morning while organising Rob on the phone to pick us up with all the right stuff.

I did a little video of us chilling out saying that he was definitely the last baby and that I should be reminded that I said that!

I had lunch around 1pm followed by our observations done by another midwife called Kate who was just as nice. She went through all the discharge questions etc and gave me all the right leaflets and things. It didn't take too long.

I did another diary video.

I spent the first part of the afternoon sorting and packing all my stuff out and just waiting for Rob to come in and pick us up.

Afternoon video diary, 3:15pm.

Going home is very nerve wrecking for me. I feel safe in hospital. I'm looked after and attention is given to me and my well being. All I have to think about is taking care of my baby and myself and how hard can that be! Food is brought to my bed and everything is routine which I love. Most people hate it in there but I don't.

Rob arrived and I quickly had a shower before getting Nugget ready to go home.

I had gone on for ages about a going home outfit and I did take one in with me but when it came to it, I just couldn't be bothered and plus I preferred for him to just all be in white.

When we left hospital with Ellis and Leo we took quite a few pictures of the 2 of us holding our baby before putting him in the car seat. This time Rob took 3 of me and then just said that he wanted to go. Fair enough but it would have been nice to have had one of him with Baba.

We put him in the car seat, and he was sick! Ellis was sick for the first time when we left the hospital. I even took a picture of it!

It was eerily quiet as we walked out, it just seemed that the ward was deserted!

Rob was parked quite close to the exit which was good as walking was still quite hard work. I put Baba down while Rob was messing around trying to lower the suspension on the car to make it easier for me to climb in. I wanted to sit in the back with Baba for his first ride home as I had done with the other 2.

Baba was awake for the entire journey home. We stopped at McDonalds on the way and he started crying and didn't stop until we pretty much pulled into the drive.

When we arrived I wanted to video the boys reaction which I tried to do but it was all very tricky. I love it though.

Rob unloaded the car and Nanny took pictures while I showed the boys their baby brother in their home. Leo was funny. He got really excited and licked Baba's head then started licking everyone else! Very strange, he has never done it before or since.

I then asked Nanny to try and get a family picture. It was quite difficult because the TV was on and Ellis wouldn't pay attention to what was going on. We took a few, with 2 different cameras and this was the best we could get.

Nanny had a quick cuddle and then helped us out by sorting food, washing, cleaning, tidying up, playing with the boys etc etc. She was a big help, as always. Thanks Marmie. x

We just tried to settle in to being a new family of 5. I sat feeding and Rob pottered around. The boys just went back and forth from the sofa watching TV and seeing Mummy with Baba. It was all quite calm.

I did a video diary before I was done in and ready for my bed.

It is very hard to write these entries explaining how it exactly felt as I'm writing this when Baba is now Oscar and 5 weeks old! I'm pretty sure I will paint over how horrid I felt and how tricky it was with the fact that Rob was ill, then Leo, then Ellis etc and that things really didn't work out as we had planned. The plan was Rob was going to do stuff with the boys, take them on days out, swimming etc and I was going to chill at home, recovering and bonding with Baba. It didn't go that at all and even now, 5 weeks later, Leo still hasn't gone swimming. Ah well, probably better that I don't do loads of entries complaining about all the tough stuff. Be nice to remember it as all fluffy and lovely. :o)