CONVINCING

As every minute and then hour ticks by I am getting myself more and more convinced that I am pregnant. My head is working at 100 miles an hour and I just can't go to bed yet as I know I won't go to sleep. I still have normal discharge, I'm getting a headache, some cramping, but just generally not really feeling like my period is going to start. I so hope my body isn't playing some sort of cruel joke on me. I suppose it is still early and I have been know to have a longer cycle than 33 days so there is still plenty of time.

I found a spare pregnancy test today and I was going to do it tonight but then chickened out. Probably do on Wednesday or maybe Friday if I haven't come on by then.

I'm sort of already planning ahead, which again I said I wouldn't do. I have Naomi's 30th birthday on Saturday and Sally is driving me so that I can drink! What story could I possibly tell them? Then I have a pre hen weekend where I have been told to stay over so I can have a few to drink, then I have 3 weddings to go to in August! I've just worked out though that I will be over 12 weeks by then so I could tell them for that. But what about the hen weekend! I have no idea how to get around that one. I think I may just carry a bottle of Bud around with me to make it look like I'm drinking. Oh dear!

Just in case, I got Rob to take a flabby belly picture for my 0 week picture, although if I am pregnant it is actually about 5 weeks. Pretty sure it wouldn't make much difference.

NOPE

No discharge today which is usually a sure sign that my period will start either tomorrow or the next day which is when I'm due anyway. Pretty certain we didn't do it this month.

Really not feeling well still. Achy body and fatigued. Hopefully feel better tomorrow, although if my period arrives I doubt I will be too happy about that.

CRAPPY

Feeling really horrid. Gut ache and just generally feeling sick. Didn't get much sleep last night so that wouldn't help. I really thought I could be relaxed about the whole thing third time around but I just can't stop thinking about it all.

I'm not happy about my body right now. Rather than doing something about it though, I just ate cake! I'm an idiot.

KEEP COOL CRAZY WOMAN!

I really didn't want to be doing this but I just can't stop thinking about it and getting my hopes up! It's crazy what TTC can do to you.

Just need to keep my cool and expect my period on the weekend.

PERIOD PAINS

Been getting such horrible period type pains today. Not nice. The thing is, I'm not due on until Sunday, maybe Monday so bit early to be getting pains and my discharge is still normal too. A bit more than normal I suppose though. How strange. I'm not reading into things, honest!

MIGHT BE?

I might be pregnant! How crazy is that! Basically we started trying for Nugget earlier than originally planned. I just thought I'm right at the end of my cycle, what are the chances!? I suppose it only takes one time. Time will tell. Very excited if I am.

I haven't taken a 0 week picture for a few reasons. Obviously we have already started trying and I haven't taken one yet but I will do. I'm just really disappointed in myself. I haven't got rid of my baby weight from Leo yet which I'm not happy about. I know it's down to me to do and I did get within 3/4 lbs of my target weight but then I just put it all back on. Still have 1/2 a stone to go to target weight. I wanted to do measurements like last time as a comparison but I'm not sure I want to see the differences.

I finished feeding Leo a while ago now and my milk has dried up which is strange as they have been leaking since I first got pregnant with Ellis in 2006! My boobs aren't what they once were and I don't like them but Rob does so that's good. They are still the same size but certainly not the same shape.

My biggest worry is the size of my flabby belly. Fat and skin. And the skin is horrible as it is covered in stretch marks. Not a pleasant sight and I suppose I should try and get used to it.

Really looking forward to being pregnant again and who knows in 2 weeks time I might be! I really don't think so though. I don't think I'm going to bother working out my ovulation dates and stuff this time. I might just leave it to fate. See what happens. I don't want to be living my life by a monthly cycle and getting my hopes up all the time. I also don't want my thoughts taken over with am I or aren't I etc.

Most people will be surprised I think although those closest to me probably won't be. Charlotte hasn't been convinced by my crappy lies about not having any more babies and there are quite a few people that know we are going for a 3rd. Most of the AB girls know, my yoga lot and Caroline. That's quite a lot really. I won't tell them I'm actually pregnant though until I've told family and a few other important people in my life.

I keep thinking I would like to do things different this time. Not calculating my ovulation dates is one already, not telling anyone is different too. Also I thought I might do the test on my own and then tell Rob in a nice way, some how. Or I might not tell anyone and just wait for bump to tell everyone. I wonder how far along I could get before anyone asks? Not long with a gut my size already.

My last period came and went with no problems. It wasn't heavy or that painful which was good.

I was starting to get a bit impatient with waiting until the end of May but now that we have brought it forward a bit I'm okay. I think due date if we were successful this month would be early February. Not sure and I'm not going to be doing that every month either. Plus I have loads of events and things coming up this summer that I will need to make sure if I'm pregnant or not before I go. I have a hen weekend, a pre hen night, 2 weddings etc etc.

Today I went shopping and I bought a dress for the weddings! I'm really stupid as I might not be fitting them in 2 months time so I'm going to have to take them back and going shopping nearer the time.

It's all good though and I'm feeling rather positive about it all. Yes it will be very hard, extremely hard even, but I think the shock of going from 1-2 kids is going to be far greater than just adding to the bunch. Bring it on!