It's been a very long time between posts but I have been having trouble on deciding on how to actually write this one. I want to be honest about my feelings but I don't want to upset anyone that might read this. Very hard for me to explain. I was going to just cut and paste the story of the scan from topflumps, and I pretty much will but will elaborate on feelings etc.
So lets go back to the week of the scan, I hadn't been feeling quite right since my curry night with the girls but had nothing to show for it other than cramps, pains, and just generally feeling a bit sick.
Unfortunately it got rather worse on Friday which was a shame as it was the day of our 20 week scan (at 21+4 days). I was barely eating and just didn't feel right. I had quite dizzy spells too and just generally felt very tired all the time. I thought it was pregnancy related but maybe it was a bug.
Friday afternoon Mum came over at 2pm to take care of Leo and to pick Ellis up from school so that Rob and I could go for the scan. We got to the hospital and there were plenty of parking spaces which was lucky. We signed in and paid for some pictures. I wanted 4 and they were £4 each! Rob couldn't believe it when he received his change from a £20 note.
We sat waiting, me huffing and puffing because I felt so rotten and Rob huffing and puffing because of the cost of the pictures, before being called in quite quickly.
The ladies name was Tracy and she was very friendly. We went into a scan room we haven't been in before which was nice and I got up on the table and we could soon see our little Nugget on the screen.
We had a little look around and on examining the face we saw the mouth open and shut a few times. It was like it was talking to us! The examiner replayed the pictures and it was so funny to see. It's going to be a chatterbox like Ellis.
Rob's face was about an inch away from the monitor as he was trying to hunt down the male or female parts. I really didn't want to know and was so determined not to find out but after showing us the skull, brain, eyes, mouth, heart, kidneys, there it was. Both Rob and I said at the same time "it's a boy then?!" I've seen it's got a willy. Tracy laughed a bit nervously as she hadn't told us to look away etc and it was pretty obvious as she was zooming up and down the babies legs to kidneys area that there was indeed a penis.
All 3 or us spent a long time talking about it being our 3rd little boy and how my life was doomed to be seriously outnumbered, forever blue with toilet seats up and rowdy boys running and jumping around. Rob quickly turned to me and said "don't think you will be getting a 4th because of this!". I was genuinely not surprised that it was another boy but I so wish we hadn't found out at that moment as I felt the tiniest bit of excitement dissipate. The thought and hope that it could have been a little girl were gone and I now have a few months to get used to the idea of another boy.
Tracy took some pictures and at the end said she had gone a bit overboard taking pictures and not to tell the front desk. I was quite excited about that but she actually only went overboard by 1. We had 5 pictures and 4 of them are the same front on view of the skull. No hand or foot, side on profile, body, nothing. I wish I had thought to ask at the time but we were so busy talking about it being a boy that I forgot.
Back at home we told the boys and Mum the news which was all rather exciting and then I started to receive text message replies to a message I had sent out telling everyone else what had happened. I had some lovely responses back and one from Sophie (AB) made my Mum and I cry. Lush.
I had a lot of messages saying, better luck next time, have to go for a 4th then etc but I think 3 boys is enough for anyone thank you. Chances are the 4th would be a boy anyway. There was only a 1:4 chance of this one being a boy.
I am very happy that the baby appears normal and healthy and I know that pink, or blue, babies are a blessing. This still didn't stop me from crying in Asda about the fact that I would never get to buy pink stuff. It sounds so silly as I am a Mum of such amazing children that I should be sad about this stuff. Some people can't even have children of their own or struggle for a very very long time to get one, which is why I have really been struggling with my feelings recently. I feel very guilty that I am crying and upset that I will never get to experience having a daughter or being able to buy pink things when some people can't buy or experience any of it! I can't help the way I feel though and I have been a bit sad.
I shared with Rob some of what I was feeling but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what to say. Plus it's not something he can just fix so it must be hard for him.
I will obviously get over it and I can't wait to meet my baby in March. In fact recently I seem to be wishing the time to come sooner. With the past 2 pregnancies I wanted to savour every minute but this time, although I am enjoying it for the most part, I just want him here. I want to see what he looks like, I want to give him cuddles and I want the boys to meet him.
So having said all that, I now need to get up-to-date with how I have been since then.
I am currently 24 weeks and 2 days pregnant.
My boobs and butt don't look like that!
23 week bump picture which I forgot to put on sidebar.
I have really started to feel Nugget move in the last 2 weeks. So much later than with the first 2. I try all the time to just stop for a minute to feel it but during the day when Leo is awake it is very difficult as he comes over and just gives it a wack. Ellis is better but he does jump around a lot which makes my belly wobble anyway.
I can now see the movement from outside too which has also taken a while this time and the other strange thing for me is that all the kicks and prods are very low down. I mean on my c-section scar and below! Way too low I think. Maybe from all the hard pushing with Leo, everything has sagged down that little bit further, as I know my bladder has.
Bladder is working ok. I don't get leaks but it doesn't really tell me when I need to go so when I do go I can be there for ages and I realise that I probably should have gone sooner.
I am having to get up in the night to wee too which I have never done before either. So many different things this time! Apart from the sex of the baby obviously.
The baby jumps at loud noises now so when the boys shout or something gets dropped I feel it jump about. I love feeling the movements. It doesn't get any more special than that.
My bump this time isn't very attractive, according to me anyway. I have a funny over hang at the bottom and my stretch marks are disgusting. I actually find it quite depressing how vile my skin is. I was hoping not to get any new ones this time but I'm quite itchy as the skin is stretching so maybe I will. I cream and oil up all the time so I can't be told I haven't tried to stop them.
Over the last week or so my pelvis pain under my left buttock has really kicked in. Some days it is quite bad and I hobble around like a very old person. Other days it just twinges every now and then. I'm trying really hard to do my exercises and I have a physio appointment soon so I will probably be told to wear my stretchy bandage which should help a bit for a while, hopefully. I'm also trying to not complain about it too much as when I was pregnant with Leo I was always going on about it. It's just one of those things that happens to me and I have to get on with it. As long as baby comes out ok and I'm alright, it doesn't matter. I really would love to get my stomach sorted out after though. Might look into that. Not for cosmetic reasons although that would be nice but for health reasons really. My stomach muscles are shot from 3 pregnancies, being cut for a c-section and cut for an appendectomy. Hopefully they could do something about my bladder too. That's all a long way off yet.
I am hoping to go for a 4d scan this time. We didn't with the others as we didn't have the cash but I really would like to have one done. I've found a good place recommended to us and it isn't stupidly priced. Will look into booking that soon and hopefully Mum's could come too or something.
I am also going to go back to my Active Birthing classes but I'm not quite sure when to start. Might leave it until after Christmas but then that only gives me 2 whole months! Might be enough to get my head in gear. If anything I'm feeling too cocky this time and need to be careful that I'm not over confident. Every time is a new time. Baby might be breach yet for all I know!
Right, done it now. Might leave a bit of a gap again unless something interesting happens.
