1ST PERIOD

I have been thinking about doing this entry for days. I have so much I want to note down but feel that it might go on a bit too long.

Recently Leo has been playing up while I have been trying to feed him so I decided to stop feeding him. I didn't feed him for one day, and the following morning my period started. It's horrid! I forgot! I haven't had one since August 2008. The period arriving is also a good thing as I can work out my cycle now.

Since starting my period my appetite has diminished but I am still 12st. I have been eating a lot better recently so I will hopefully keep up the good work and get my weight down a bit. The main thing is I really need to be doing some exercise. I just can't find the extra energy to do it. I sort of have the motivation. I mean getting pregnant again should be a big kick up the bum, but actually I just think, well I'm going to get big again anyway. Plus I still don't think it has really hit me that we are going to be doing it all again.

My body right now disgusts me. I'm fat and flabby, with horrible stretch marks and a big bag of skin. After having Ellis it wasn't like this. I think the fact that I had a previous c-section which I'm sure affected my stomach muscles, which made me have diastasis recti, has made the left over baby bump that much more flabby. I really need to move my fat dimply arse and get fit, and soon.

A funny story about my folic acid. I keep it on top of the unit in the en-suite, and the other day my Mum went looking around the house for some pain killers and she found some on top of the unit. She must have seen the packet and box but I'm not sure she would have put 2 and 2 together. She didn't say anything to me either which I am sure she would have if she thought I was thinking of getting pregnant again.

A few people know about baby number 3, one of them being Sophie who I met in my active birthing group with Leo. It is really nice to be able to chat about it all with someone. She was over last Friday and we had a good old natter about it and I was getting quite excited about it again.

I'm sure most of my friends will think I'm totally mental, and I think I may be for at least the first few years but in the long run it will be wicked. It will be tough going but worth it all.

I have already been thinking ahead to coming events to see how I may have to get around them. Like parties and hen do's, wedding etc etc. In recent months I've been drinking so it will be quite tricky to suddenly not be. We will see. Rob and I certainly aren't in a rush to get pregnant this time so it could take a while longer than the last 2 times. With Rob being away it will likely take longer anyway.

Right I'll stop now. I kept it very brief and not really from the heart as there was a lot more I wanted to express but it doesn't matter.

NO PILL

The first day of not taking my pill. It feels strange. I keep seeing the packet in the window and go to take it and then realise that I'm not any more and that I will soon be trying for a baby. Very strange.

Leo had his first bottle of formula feed today. I had to warm it up but he done in 4oz and then I topped him up. He did really well seeing as he hasn't had a bottle for ages and has never had formula before. Not sure if I will do the afternoon feed in a bottle or not yet. I have an hour to decide.

I weighed this morning and I am still 12st. I'm not worried, I'm eating okay and as soon as my finger feels better I will do some exercise. I think stopping breastfeeding will also help, it did last time anyway.

The only people who know for sure that Rob and I are going to try for another baby are my yoga girls. I tell them everything and they are a pretty good sounding board, if that is the right phrase. There is the potential that 3 of us may be pregnant at the same time again which will be wicked.

I was sorting out the washing yesterday and there was loads! I said to Rob "imagine what it will be like when the next one is here!". It didn't feel weird at all, quite natural in fact. I will also need another clothes horse!

Another thing happened yesterday, we were on our way home from Rob's Mum's after having had lunch there and I said to him that I was stopping the pill tomorrow and he said why! That man loves to wind people up, mainly me. He smiled and I said you still up for it and have we agreed, to which he replied yes we have agreed. I'm sure he wouldn't any way, but I wouldn't want him to have more children just because of me. I think he would have certainly put up a fight if he wasn't sure etc. I really don't want to have that argument in the future when I'm moaning about how hard it is for him to then say, "well it was you that wanted another one!".