GO AHEAD!

This afternoon, Rob gave the go ahead for Nugget! I was very shocked by it really. It came out of the blue. He was sat reading to Ellis and Leo and then just suddenly turned to me and said, "I think we should just get on with it!". He said he liked the age gap we have between the 2 boys and wondered when we would have to start trying to have a similar gap, and that he had been thinking about it recently. I said that my periods haven't come back yet and that we would need to start trying around May time. He said it could take ages this time and may not even happen at all. He is right although in the back of your mind you always think it wont be me.

Now I'm scared! I'm always the same. I want something really badly but because I know it may not happen that is fine, but then when I'm faced with the reality, I run scared!

I can't believe he said that! It's lush!

Some things need to change though. I could not take care of 3 young children on my own all week. I could do it I expect but I would be a mess and the kids wouldn't turn out too good for it. Rob needs to be around more. We need a bigger house too which would put extra pressure on Rob to earn.

I want to get mega fit too before we conceive as I will have to be on top form to go through another pregnancy with 2 little ones. I can't even picture it as something that might happen.

I don't think anyone would be that surprised that we had another. I would hope not to upset a few people who I know have been trying for a while to have a baby.

It's funny as this evening I spoke to Mum on the phone and I said that we were in the shower which is why Dad was left waiting outside! She said "oh yeh, trying for your little girl already are you?!" Mum certainly wouldn't be surprised and I'm sure my Dad thinks we will have more.

It's a huge thing. I can't stop thinking about it. Perhaps I'll talk myself out of it. I think if Rob had his way he would just do it now! I'm so fat and unfit that it would just be stupid of me to take it on now. Plus Leo barely sleeps in blocks of 5 hours at night so I am shattered as it is. I would love a little girl though. I can't see myself with one. I'm sure I will have 3 boys, which would be pretty wicked too.

I'm lost for words really. I thought I would really have to talk him into it. But he just came out with it. I'm shocked but happy that the decision is now down to me. I'm shit at making decisions!!!!!